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in thinking it's odd that my mum has excluded dh from her will?

(42 Posts)
eltham Fri 12-Jun-09 09:42:39

mum's just written her will and has informed all her daughters and sons that if they die after her but before their children have grown up, the proceeds of her will can only be accessed by her grandchildren on turning 21. So, essentially, if I'm alive, I receive my share and use it to benefit my family. If I'm dead, my dh gets nothing - despite the fact that he will have 2 very young dds to bring up). Is this how it usually works then?
I'm surprised as it somewhat questions earlier statements by her that once married, our spouses are part of the larger family. They're clearly not if her natural son/daughter dies though! I know - of coure - that it's her money, and she can do what she likes. It isn't a hige amount anyway..I was just taken aback that she's excluded spouses. Is this what other families do?

catwalker Fri 12-Jun-09 09:50:30

Not sure what my mum and dad's will says. But it might be that your mum is thinking if, god forbid, something were to happen to you while your children were still young, your DH might have more children with someone else. So if he'd inherited money from your mum, it could be spread amongst people your mum doesn't even know. If something happened to DH first and you found someone else and had more children, the money would still be going to her blood relatives. Does that make sense? I'm not necessarily condoning that approach, just saying that might be how she's thinking.

angel1976 Fri 12-Jun-09 09:51:07

Could she be thinking of the possibility of any of her children splitting up with their spouses? Just an example... If you split up with your DH and he remarries and you died, then I suppose she would rather your children benefit, then your spouse benefit? I don't think it's a strange thing to put in a will. I know I am part of DH's family but I wouldn't feel weird if that was the will setup of my inlaws. If DH and I are together, I am sure he will use the money to benefit the whole family. If we are not, I will be happy for my DS to have the money when he grows up.

JoPie Fri 12-Jun-09 09:51:13

I don't know, but I would imagine that its quite normal. Say for example you die and your huband inherits your share, there would be every chance he would remarry, and your mums money could be spent by his new wife, and not on your children. Or even if he didn't it might just go on mortgage payments, when your mum would prefer that they have a nest egg and something to remember her by.
Doesn't seem odd to me. But then my family tend to leave nothing behind them, so what would I know!! grin

titchy Fri 12-Jun-09 09:51:43

It's not clear - do you or your siblings get anything, or has she left everything to be divided amongst the grandchildren? tbh it seems reasonable either way

If you and your siblings inherit and you subsequently die before your dh, your inheritance would become part of your estate, and pass to your dh.

If everything has been left to the grqandchildren neither you nor your dh would see any of it anway irrespective of who dies first.

Ivykaty44 Fri 12-Jun-09 09:52:39

So let me get this straight you die, your mum dies and you want your dh to get your mums money and then he remarries and he dies and all your mums money goes to your dh new widow and your dc get nothing?

Stigaloid Fri 12-Jun-09 09:53:40

Sorry - am trying to understand and have brain half muddled by pregnancy and the other half muddled by hayfever.

If your mother dies then money goes to you, which can then be passed on by you to hour DH and children.

However, if you die and your mother dies, then the money goes into trust for your grandchildren to access at the age of 21?

That doesn't seem too unreasonable. I can understand that it may not seem entirely fair to you as your DH is your family but if the money is put aside for your children, then that is not uncommon. She is probably assuming that when your DH's family pass they will do similar in passing on their inheritance to him or the DGC.

My GGF married an evil stepGGM who got him to change his will and cut out my GF and leave all the money to her children. people do funny things with wills.

I don't think i am include in my FIL's will but my son would be. I am not included in my mother's will as she is a strange lady and leaving her money to a cat charity. (weirdo)

eltham Fri 12-Jun-09 09:57:23

yes sorry..didn't explain it very clearly. Me and my siblings would get the money if my mum died before us, and then I guess if we died before spouses then it would legally be bequeathed to them. BUT, if my mum dies after me or my siblings, then the spouses won't get any money at all - just the grandchildren when they turn 21. JUst seems very odd. In truth I'd want dh and kids to be financially okay if I died - even if he remarried.

CarGirl Fri 12-Jun-09 09:58:59

Eltham that is actually quite common, it's certainly the way some of my friends have inherited.

Surfermum Fri 12-Jun-09 10:01:00

I've made provision for dh to be financially ok if I die (and vice versa). I have no idea what's in my parents' will but wouldn't expect them to take care of that scenario.

eltham Fri 12-Jun-09 10:01:16

oh right..perhaps she doesn't want it given to people who she doesn't know (eg. dh's new stepchildren)..

JoPie Fri 12-Jun-09 10:02:26

I imagine that your mother expects you to be set up so that your family will be secure if you die without her money coming into it, with insurance and such? I certainly would expect that if I were her.

stroppyknickers Fri 12-Jun-09 10:02:31

Well my mum has missed me out completely and is leaving all to the grandchildren. Her parents have not done this, so my children seem to be quids in, while I will never get the extension I want...grin

Stigaloid Fri 12-Jun-09 10:03:32

Eltham - if you want Dh to be okay if you died before him then get life insurance. Make sure it covers the cost of mortgage and any childcare that DH would need if you were not around.

The practice of bequeathing a trust to grandchildren over non-blood relatives is very common and i don't think it is meant in any way other than your mum wanting to protect her grandchildren's future.

wannaBe Fri 12-Jun-09 10:06:04

I don't think she's unreasonable not to consider partners in this but I'm not sure how legally binding this will is anyway.

Because if your mum dies then you inherrit money, yes? It is yours to do with as you choose, right?

Therefore there would be no way of ensuring that the money you had inherited could be taken and put into trust for your children if you were to die. If she dies it becomes your money, so unless you are required by the terms of the will to provide a blow-by-blow account of exactly where you have spent the money, there is no way of enforcing the latter clause of the will.

CarGirl Fri 12-Jun-09 10:09:22

wannaBe it's only if the poster or her siblings die before the Mum dies.

pinkdelight Fri 12-Jun-09 10:09:42

"In truth I'd want dh and kids to be financially okay if I died"

Totally understandable, but not sure that inheritance from your mother has to come into this equation. Surely you make your own provisions for your family to be financially okay if you died, and then the money from your mum is for those extra special things like trust funds for the kids. The arrangement your mum has seems normal to me, and although of course these things are important, it does seem a bit academic, worrying about what if she died then I died etc. I'd just focus on my own family's financial situation, enjoy being alive, and be glad there was some additional money coming to someone at some point.

2rebecca Fri 12-Jun-09 10:12:11

People don't normally leave money to their daughters and sons in law, just to their blood relatives. My dad won't be leaving my husband anything. If I die my share will go in trust to my kids, not to my husband or my exhusband. Seems fairly normal to me and a good way of ensuring the kids get the money.

2rebecca Fri 12-Jun-09 10:16:27

I agree that I don't feel it's my dad's responsibility to financially provide for my husband and children if I die. It's up to my husband to keep himself in a job, and me to sort out life insurance/ spouse pension provision if need be.
Inheritances should never be essential or relied upon by children.

TrillianAstra Fri 12-Jun-09 10:21:02

"In truth I'd want dh and kids to be financially okay if I died"

What if you die and your Mum lives? Then she still has all her money. Life insurance is the answer to that question, as many others have said.

Quattrocento Fri 12-Jun-09 10:31:11

This is a completely normal clause and its the way my will works (and DHs too)

JenniPenni Fri 12-Jun-09 10:42:50

My mum's will leaves everything to me and my siblings, not our spouses. Perfectly normal to me! DHs parents have the same thing.

BodenGroupie Fri 12-Jun-09 11:07:26

MIL's will leaves everything to DH, but if he dies, DSS gets the lot - our DDs get nothing shock. I wouldn't expect to be named in it and I know my mum's will doesn't name DH or DPs of my siblings.

wannaBe Fri 12-Jun-09 11:46:47

the op states:

"if they die after her but before the children have grown up." not before her, iyswim.

If they die before her then yes, it would automatically follow that the money go to the children and quite rightly so IMO.

but if, as the op states, the will reads that if the children die after the mother has died but before the children have grown up, then it is not enforceable.

morningpaper Fri 12-Jun-09 11:48:57

I agree, this is normal

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