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to be a little shocked at this invite? Well am I?

(98 Posts)
JollyPirate Thu 11-Jun-09 18:38:47

I am quite prepared for you all to call me an old fuddy duddy if I am out of step here but.....

My 14 year old niece received a party invite this week.

It went like this

"You are invited to attend ........'s 14th Birthday Party
on and at <date, time and venue>

Then the clincher for me

"All guests will be served ONE (1) alcoholic drink. If you have a problem with this please let me know".

BIL saw this and instantly hit the roof. He has said there is no way DN is attending. DN who was 14 a few weeks back has also hit the roof and a shouting match has taken place with my poor sster in the middle of it all. To be fair to my BIL they have had a few problems with DN recently - not least the theft of a huge amount of money from BIL's work safe which DN owned up to after she realized how much cash she had actually taken. DN says it was just temptation and she knows it was stupid - all money returned.

So I can quite understand my BIL in saying that she is not attending as he will only have her word that she hasn't had any alcohol.

I am utterly amazed that these parents are even offering alcohol (especially as Dad is a police officer hmm).

They are apparently doing so "to stop the kids bringing their own".

Am I being unreasonable in being utterly shocked? Or am I an old prude (am 43) whose world will come crashing down around her ears once DS reaches his teens. grin

bronze Thu 11-Jun-09 18:39:52

reminds me of one of the last e.r.s

mumblechum Thu 11-Jun-09 18:41:19

It's probably not that unusual, actually. DS and his friends don't drink yet (they're all 14) as they don't like the taste, however I personally wouldn't have a problem if he was invited to a party where they were offered one drink, so long as, say, if 3 out of 5 didn't want their drink, the others got double or triple shares.

Drusilla Thu 11-Jun-09 18:41:41

YA def NBU

pointydog Thu 11-Jun-09 18:42:00

I'm not sure what I think of this. I'm not shocked. I think it might be an ok idea. Would depend on teh kids.

nametaken Thu 11-Jun-09 18:44:17

I wouldn't let my DD go. Not only will kids be drinking their drink, plus the drink their mate didn't want, but there will probably also be alcohol smuggled in too.

JollyPirate Thu 11-Jun-09 18:44:33

I suppose it is actually being monitored as the parents will be there - was just pretty shocked as all the children are underage.

Am assuming that as they are not actually selling it then they are doing nothing wrong.

TrillianAstra Thu 11-Jun-09 18:44:59

Maybe it's a survey, and if enough parents say 'no alcohol for my child thanks' then there will be none. I imagine if her parents say 'no' then they wno't give one to your DN, and then she would only get at most half a drink (if a friend opted to share, as itould be difficult to police that).

It doesn't sound like that bad an idea to me.

screamingabdab Thu 11-Jun-09 18:46:02

Blimey, I don't know. I suppose I am also a bit disapproving of this idea (it is obviously condoning underage drinking). I suppose the reasoning might work. Maybe a glass of champagne to celebrate ... showing them that alcohol is part of social interaction, not getting off your face as an end in itself .... Making drinking less taboo and therefore tempting. Still 14 strikes me as too young

As the mother of 2 boys (oldest 8) I will be interested to hear what others with teens will say.

janeite Thu 11-Jun-09 18:46:31

I'm a bit surprised. If they were 16 I would think the parents were being really quite sensible to do this. At 14 (and even 16 tbh) I would expect the parents to have sufficient control over a child's party that kids bringing their own drinks in really wouldn't be an issue in the slightest.

I think your Bil would be reasonable to say she can't go - but the main issue for me would be her previous poor behaviour, rather than the one alcoholic drink.

On a totally pedantic note:
AIBU to hate the word 'invite' used as a noun? Tis an 'invitation' innit?!

pointydog Thu 11-Jun-09 18:46:44

underage for what? I don't think there's a law against parents providing an alcoholic drink for a group of 14 yr olds. AM I wrong?

ellingwoman Thu 11-Jun-09 18:48:04

But why would they want to? What's wrong with fizzy?

JollyPirate Thu 11-Jun-09 18:48:18

Ah yes - didn't think of the glass of champagne to celebrate. Yes - that might be it and funnily enough I have less problem with that - yet it's still "one alcoholic drink". smile

Yes - am an old fuddy duddy grin

screamingabdab Thu 11-Jun-09 18:49:04

I agree with your first paragraph janeite.

JollyPirate Thu 11-Jun-09 18:49:27

"invite" as in I am too farking lazy to type the proper word grin [lazy cow emoticon]

FabulousBakerGirl Thu 11-Jun-09 18:49:33

I wouldn't like it.

What is the rush to let kids grow up so quick?

cocolepew Thu 11-Jun-09 18:49:55

What do they mean "to stop the kids from bringing their own"? They are the adults they should take any alcohol away from them, they are underage.

screamingabdab Thu 11-Jun-09 18:51:50

Jolly I am also a fuddy-duddy, and will be totally at sea with the drug issue when/if it comes up, as I have never done anything (oh no, I forgot. I ate a hash brownie once, had a panic attack ...grin)

Bathsheba Thu 11-Jun-09 18:52:39

Hmmm, its a toughie....

If I was at a family bbq or something I'd see nothing wrong with a 14 year old having 1 bottle of bud/Smirnoff Ice for example...or a 14 year old having a champagne at a wedding

It might raise my eyebrows if it was a glass of wine or a double rum and coke though...

So I honstly would think 1 drink in a family enviroment, where it was being supervised (and in this case I think it would be) then I think that would be fine really...

As long, as someone else said, it wasn;t a case of there being a 12 pack there, and if only 2 were drinkng, they both ended up with 6 each....

Its hard to word it on an invite - I think the wording they have used is a bit clumsy. I'd say it would have been better to ask parents when they dropped off informally ("Do you mind if Suzy has 1 beer/Smirnoff Ice at the BBq...") but I'm guessing when you are 14 there might not be too many parents dropping off.

janeite Thu 11-Jun-09 18:52:43

See - I have no problem at all with dd (14) having a weak wine or champagne spritzer for celebratory purposes - and she is allowed half a centimetre of Baileys on Christmas eve whilst pouring some for Father Christmas!

nametaken Thu 11-Jun-09 18:52:50

If the parents were to frisk the teenage guests for alcohol before they came in, you can bet your life some parent would complain about a person who hasn't been CRB checked touching their child.

God it's a minefield. I'm gonna bribe mine not to have parties when their teenagers.

dizietsma Thu 11-Jun-09 18:53:46

Ocht, it's just one drink FGS. My (French) family were giving me wine in water aged 4, and I'm the least alcoholic of, well, pretty much anyone I know. Moderate, supervised and contextualised drinking at 14 is a healthy way to introduce alcohol.

UK alcohol age restrictions. It's absolutely not illegal.


pointydog Thu 11-Jun-09 18:53:49

maybe the PC dad has seen the results of many many 14 yr old parties where drink has been smuggled in. Maybe his dd and her pals cannot be totally trusted.

janeite Thu 11-Jun-09 18:53:58

Shandy / spritzers okay / alcopops not okay imho. Not sure why I feel that but I really do.

monkeyfacegrace Thu 11-Jun-09 18:54:46

I dont think there is anything wrong with this, I think it shows control and maturity that you are specifically asked to say if you dont allow it. Im only 21, and when I was 14 we freely had a glass of wine etc at home, and because it wasn't tabboo, Ive been drunk about once in my life because the 'excitement' isn't there. This sounds like a controlled party not a rave, and tbh if they are the type of kids who will go wild, they will find a way, regardless of whether one drink is provided or not.

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