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MIL dressing dd in clothes she's bought. Come and slap sense into me!

(67 Posts)
EyeballshasBackBoobs Wed 10-Jun-09 23:33:27

17 month old dd goes to MIL one day a week while I'm at work (my mother and nursery other two days). She's great with her and they do lots of lovely things that I don't get the chance to do. Anyway...

I used to send dd's little bag with nappies etc and two changes of clothes (MIL picks her up at sparrows' cough in her pjs) but all the clothes kept coming back clean. It turns out that she has a supply of clothes that she bought herself that she puts dd into. Now I know this is very handy for me, less washing and less bag preparation etc, but FIL sent me some photos they'd taken this week and she doesn't look like my dd. The clothes they're using are not what I'd buy and she looks really odd.

I know I'm BU and I'm not really making a fuss and would never say anything to them cos it's a non issue and they're great and lovely but it bugs me slightly so am laying it out in AIBU so you can all slap me silly and tell me to get over it

Off you go then

wotulookinat Wed 10-Jun-09 23:34:32

This is a difficult one, but I think YANBU.

cornsilk Wed 10-Jun-09 23:35:08

<gentle slap for eyeballs and one for MIL for good measure>

pjmama Wed 10-Jun-09 23:37:28

YABU because it's not really doing any harm, but I have to admit it would piss me off too!!

EyeballshasBackBoobs Wed 10-Jun-09 23:39:53

<<dodges cornsilk>>

I suppose what really bugs me was that nothing was said. If she'd said don't worry about clothes, I've got loads here, I probably wouldn't think anything of it, although she did look strange. But I had to work it out for myself by realising that the clothes I was about to chuck in the wash hadn't even been unfolded. Most odd.

ChippingIn Wed 10-Jun-09 23:40:33

LOL @ cornsilk

YANBU to be a bit miffed by it and feeling a bit odd that she doesn't look like your DD.

However, as you say, it's a non-issue really and they're 'great and lovely'...

So, here's the SLAP you asked for - although as you are dealing with it quite well, not sure why you feel you need one....

(It wont be long before she is creating over what she wants to wear - so might as well let them have a wee turn first wink).

NeedaNewName Wed 10-Jun-09 23:41:08

Pick your battles - youre getting (I'm assuming) free child care, they adore her, you have less clothes to wash, you must get on (otherwise you wouldn't let her go there).

BUT, it would also irritate me and you would all have to tell me to pick my battles!!!

squilly Wed 10-Jun-09 23:41:38

My MIL and sil did this for a while with dd, in similar circumstances to your own.

It's a control thing. They wanted to dress her in a very specific way and I was slightly too trendy for them (and believe me, I ain't very trendy!). I was horrified...extreme I know, but I just found it freaky.

Now dd is now 8 and wouldn't dream of wearing anything she hadn't picked herself or at least approved of. They haven't been able to dress her or buy anything for her for a few years now and there influence has been minimal, if not non-existent.

They like to say that dd takes after SIL/MIL or at the very least DH, but DD says she's nothing like MIL or SIL (thank Gawd) but is a lot like daddy. She also enjoys telling nanny that she's like mummy too

I'd put in a smug emoticon, but it's not nice to be smug is it?? Take heart. YANBU but letting her do this and not worrying about it is probably best. Your DD won't be adversely affected by it and for the sake of free childcare and a harmonious relationship (as much as possible anyway) it's not worth challenging it.

cornsilk Wed 10-Jun-09 23:43:35

It is a bit weird. But free childcare is not to be sniffed at so grin and bear it for now - it won't be long before dd refuses to wear MIL's stuff!

squilly Wed 10-Jun-09 23:44:56

I' ve just re-read my post and my spelling and grammer is awful. Apologies...having a weird day..

wobbegong Wed 10-Jun-09 23:45:25

Sorry, but my response on all of these is always... lucky you to have help with your childcare. Neither my mother nor my MIL have managed even ten minutes of looking after my DD (same age, yes they live close).
I'm not surprised you are narked about the clothes, but unless there are other control issues going on, look at the larger picture. You are one lucky lady.
<slap>

EyeballshasBackBoobs Wed 10-Jun-09 23:47:01

Ah such words of wisdom from you all

It is a control thing, MIL is a control freak and I was the first in-law. We had awful fights for the first couple of years but reached a truce which developed into a really lovely close relationship. So she's probably marking her territory a bit but, as you say, she's great and she's free!

I just wondered if I was reading something into it that wasn't there but it seems I was right and she's a bit of a nutter

Bless her

EyeballshasBackBoobs Wed 10-Jun-09 23:48:03

<<ouch>>

Nice left hook you have there wobbegong...

ChippingIn Wed 10-Jun-09 23:48:55

I see what you mean about them not saying anything... so what was she wearing when she came home? If it was her clothes from your house - I'd be even more hmm - it's weird to keep changing her in & out of 'their' clothes. If it's late and she's in her jammies again then maybe they just didn't think about it.

Do you think they do it every time or was this a one off?

chipmonkey Wed 10-Jun-09 23:51:19

Eyeballs, as a Mum of 4 boys can I ask, did your MIL ever have a dd of her own?

EyeballshasBackBoobs Wed 10-Jun-09 23:53:37

She comes back in her jammies. Don't get me wrong, they really do provide a brilliant 'service' wink. They drive over and pick her up at 7am so she gets straight out of bed, bottle in gob and into their car. They bring her back at 7pm (they avoid traffic both ways hence timing) bathed, fed and back in jammies. It really is a great help.

I don't bother sending clothes anymore and nothing has been said about that so they must know I know, and still nothing said.

ChippingIn Wed 10-Jun-09 23:54:56

It's probably just a case of them thinking that she should really be in 'lovely little girls dresses' and not in 'trendy' clothes 'at her age' and wanting her to look that way when she's with them, but not wanting to offend you...

You are lucky (or should I say, you are lucky that your hard work paid off) to have gone from a difficult relationship with them to a close one - it's not something many people manage

EyeballshasBackBoobs Wed 10-Jun-09 23:55:26

Three daughters chipmonkey so nice theory but I think it;'s just plain sub-conscious control-freakery

wobbegong Wed 10-Jun-09 23:59:19

grin
I'm sure you're right Eyeballs about the control freakery and not surprised you're annoyed, especially with "history of awful fights".

moondog Thu 11-Jun-09 00:00:17

I don't think anoyne who has 12 hours of free and loving childcare a weeek can complain about owt.

chipmonkey Thu 11-Jun-09 00:02:54

My niece's gran did this, now that I think of it. In fact she got my niece's hair cut and got photos taken of her in a pretty yellow dress! My dsis was fuming as the haircut was a real 1970's "do" and the dress was a very frilly affair altogether!
I do worry if I ever have a dgd, will I go a bit ker-azy and dress her up like a Barbie princess when no-one is looking but hopefully I will be able to maintain a degree of sanity!grin

StayFrosty Thu 11-Jun-09 00:03:06

It would bug me. But I would know I was BU and that would bug me even more grin If your relationship is now good they probably don't mean anything by it, it just makes life easier for everyone, and your mil probably likes your dd having her own little stash of stuff at hers.

My own mum likes all her dgc having 'their' rooms/clothes/toys over at her house but because she is my mum it doesn't bug me wink It would the other way round though because mil has v different taste from me in terms of toys and clothes (giant dust-gathering teddies, horrible chavvy TV/disney character clothing etc) but because my dd never spends time alone at hers she is not forced into playing with/wearing all this stuff that I would never buy for her in a million years. But if she did and I was confronted with photographic evidence of it, yes I would have an 'omg!' moment. And like you I would realise that I was BU and try to move on.

oranges Thu 11-Jun-09 00:03:15

if you send her over in pyjamas its less weird that they put their own clothes on her. It's not as if they are taking of clothes she has and redressing her, which somehow seems more confrontational to me.

chipmonkey Thu 11-Jun-09 00:03:47

But moondog, what if the granny gave formula to a bf baby?wink

StayFrosty Thu 11-Jun-09 00:06:37

I agree with Oranges. It could just be a matter of buying clothes for practical reasons and having differing tastes, not a conscious decision to dress her in a different style when she is with them.

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