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to want more from my dad?

(10 Posts)
ilovetochat Wed 10-Jun-09 15:01:52

J have posted about my dad before and we see each other normally weekly and get on better now than when i was growing up. my mom and dad are divorced.
DD is ill with chicken pox, my mom has been popping round, offering to fetch things, babysat for us and generally been helpful.
As soon as i told my dad he said he didnt want to come round incase he caught shingles.I havent seen him for 2 weeks now and he goes away friday for 2 weeks and then we are away but still he doesnt want to see dd or me. i understand him not wanting to be ill but im sad

So i just phoned him, told him id leave his fathers day gift in the porch and asked him if he'd like to come over for tea and cake the day after we get back from holiday as its dds birthday (2). Its an open offer to anyone who wants to come. he said no as he doesnt want to see other people and will come later in the week when its just me and dd. i said its upto him but im giving him the chance to see dd on her birthday and will do the same each year as she will know more about it in the future. he said in the future it will be loads of screaming kids and not his scene.
i just feel deflated.

ArcticLemming Wed 10-Jun-09 15:07:08

I can understnd why you feel let down. On a practical note, you can't catch shingles from chicken pox, so he'ws wrong to be concerned about this.

Stigaloid Wed 10-Jun-09 15:09:51

I feel for you - i really do, but you can't change your parents. YANBU - but try not to get too down about it and focus on giving your DD a wonderful birthday. He ends up losing out by his behaviour, but i appreciate that doesn't make it any easier to bear.


ilovetochat Wed 10-Jun-09 15:39:18

arctic, he has had shingles before and insists that how you get it so thanks for that.
I know i cant change him, he has missed dds christening as he isnt religious, missed my 21st and now isnt interested in dds birthdays either. i dont want dd growing up feeling ignored and sad like me though. sad
im going to a breast clinic tomorrow and so need support right now, not avoiding,

Stigaloid Wed 10-Jun-09 15:53:51

Awww - big hugs ILC - hope all goes well and am sorry you are feeling so unsupported from your father.

ilovetochat Wed 10-Jun-09 15:54:39


carocaro Wed 10-Jun-09 16:03:42

Blimey, seems like he does a lot for you already, just because he says no once in a while does not mean he loves your and DD any less, I agree with him spending times with tonnes of other kids and chicken pox is not my idea of fun either. Cut him some slack he has his own life too!

mylifemykids Wed 10-Jun-09 17:16:49

You CAN catch shingles from chicken pox and, if he's had it before, I imagine he knows how painful it can be and is worried about catching it before he goes on holiday. I'm not sure if you can get it more than once though!

Personally I'd be more worried about him not wanting to be around other people but that's just me! Maybe he doesn't want to be there on your DDs birthday in case your mum is there? Do they get on?

I wouldn't brood too much over it. Relax and look forward to your holiday!

ilovetochat Wed 10-Jun-09 20:30:55

carocaro, i dont understand what you mean, what does he do a lot of already? tbh i dont think he does a lot of anything already.
if you can catch shingles from chicken pox then fair enough him wanting to keep away but he doesnt seem bothered at all that he wont see us for over 5 weeks in all.
he doesnt want to see my mom or any other family or dps family at the party, he doesnt want to see anyone. ive been with dp 7 years and my dad has turned down all opportunities to meet dps family. he didnt come to my 21st as he didnt want to socialise with anyone. many people who are divorced manage to put their feelings aside and be civil for the sake of their dc and gc but my dad isnt prepared to.

ArcticLemming Thu 11-Jun-09 10:09:46

mylife - check out NHS direct - you definately can't (although you can catch chicken pox from shingles).

It's the reactivation of an laready existing virus in the body. Anyway, it's probably not really the point of the OP..

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