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to want to transform into a whirling ball of fury and give someone a hard time?

(13 Posts)
triggerhappybaby Tue 09-Jun-09 08:46:43

My Dad died at the beginning of March after a shortish battle with stomach cancer. Being the supreme organiser he was, everything was just so and I know this because I spent the following week with mum sorting everything out and it was made v v easy, god bless him.

Anyhoos, the Will was made out as Mum being the sole beneficiary, nothing else to anybody, just her. Nobody except the Life Insurance company were interested in it going through Probate, she changed the bank account over and other bits of faff no probs.

The letter came from the Life Insurance company on April 7th, one whole month after Dad died. The Probate Office have taken until yesterday to interview her to prove her identity, and get the paperwork out to her to send off to the Insurance people. Two months. They lost her file, took 3 weeks to get an appointment together, then she had to phone every day to chase them for the paperwork.

Finally it arrived in the post yesterday, but along with a letter from the Insurance co. saying they now want mum's passport as further pictorial proof of identity. This farce has finally reduced the poor woman to tears.

1. The Probate Office, far from assisting bereaved people seem to have gone out of their way to make it as difficult as possible.
2. What is the point of having gone through the rigmarole of Probate, i.e. establishing mum is who she says she is and is thus entitled to the money Dad has spent his life putting away for such an eventuality, if the Insurance co. want her passport (or driving licence) too? What if she'd wanted to get away from it all for a few days on the continent?
3. Luckily, although by no means wealthy, she did have some funds to tide her over which is just as well. I weep when I think of what might have happened if she was destitute without children or Dad's brother to help out.
4. Surely the one thing that Life Insurance companies do *a lot* is deal with the deaths of their clients. How can it take a month to send all the peperwork out??

She has been so strong throughout this and I am in total awe of her, but I can't help feeling that she either has been treated really shabbily, or the whole system of Probate and Life Insurance stinks to high heaven. These are grieving people at their lowest ebb - why should it be so difficult for a sole beneficiary to receive the money to which she is entitled??

I want to --beat seven shades of shit-- write to someone now, but I feel I should wait till after it is all sorted out <sigh>. But my blood pressure is up and I want to deal with this now. AIBU??

KingRolo Tue 09-Jun-09 08:51:30

No advice but sad and you are defintely not BU. You sound like you have supported your mother wonderfully through this.

psychomum5 Tue 09-Jun-09 08:53:33

oh god no not at all unreasonable.

they were utter wankers towards my MIL last year after her mother died, and she was also sole beneficiary. they lost paperwork, accused her of not sending it even tho they had sent her a reciepthmmangry, hung up on her once when she had the audacity to tell them they were playing on the grief of their clients to get away with being wankers (altho she didn;t actually call them wankerswink).

seriously, it sucks, and they have you over a barrel as when you are grieving, your fight is diminished.

oh, and they also fuck about with you as they refuse to speak to any one else bar the sole beneficiary, due to the bastard data protection act.


my advice, but lots of empathy.

Deemented Tue 09-Jun-09 08:54:43

YANBU at all - when DH died i contacted the insurance and they sorted it all out for me - i didn't have to do anything at all, not even prove my identity.

I'd certainly put a letter of complaint in about how your mums been treated.

NotPlayingAnyMore Tue 09-Jun-09 09:06:49

Oh YANBU! I thought it was just me and my amateur, office junior ways which probate took offence to, 11 years ago, but it seems they haven't changed

My deepest sympathy and empathy to you and your mum.

mumoverseas Tue 09-Jun-09 12:40:59

YANBU and if you want, I'll come and help you beat the crap out of them if you come with me to beat the crap out of someone at the firm of solicitors holding my mums will and the local council.
My mother died 2 weeks ago. I'm abroad in the Middle east where I live and am flying back to the UK tonight. It has been a major military operation to organise the funeral as we have family coming from all over England, Ireland, Holland and myself and my DH and DCs in the Middle East. A further complication is my DS who is midway through GCSEs. We found one day that everyone could attend, next Monday. Its all planned, funeral directors, flowers, order of service and memorial booklet prepared, catering sorted etc.
Yesteday I spoke to the solicitors holding mum's will (dad died 4 years ago) and they are being really difficult about releasing it. They've had authority from all 3 executors (me and 2 brothers) and they've had the death certificate but are just being arsy about it.
This morning, my brother got a phone call from the local council saying they won't dig out the grave (family grave/plot which was bought 50 years ago when mum and dad's first son died aged 3 and they bought the plot 3 deep for them all). Brother in it, dad in it 4 years ago and obviously planned for mum to go in it so they will all be together again.
Anyway, the tossers at the council, (sorry, no other way to sum them up) refuse to allow mum in family grave as apparently original purchase paperwork was in dad's name and HE needs to transfer it to her otherwise mum can't be buried next Monday in that plot.

They are complete arses to treat people in this way and just make everything worse.

THP, I'm so sorry for yours and your mums loss and hope that you manage to get everything else resolved as painlessly as possible.

triggerhappybaby Tue 09-Jun-09 13:09:00

Oh my good god in heaven that it bureaucracy taken to the extreme. Just how are you supposed to get your dad's permission??

Oh god, I'm here having a whine about shabby penpushing incompetent jobsworths, but this takes things to a whole new level - I really really feel for you.

I'll meet you at the Council Offices with my hockey stick, and we'll take it from there. What a bloody scandal angry

mumoverseas Tue 09-Jun-09 14:59:51

which is your council? This one is Guildford in Surrey. And the bastards want to charge double fees for digging up the plot as my mum lived 'out of area' when she died. Never mind they'd lived in that area for 50+ years and owned the plot for over 50 years, paid taxes etc.
Lets make it shovels instead of hockey sticks then you can help me dig up the sodding grave myself.

Hugs to you and your poor mum. I do hope you get it all sorted.
Do you think we should warn other MNers to look out for reports on the news of two mad women attacking council officials with hockey sticks/shovels? grin

Am slightly worried about security at the airport tonight on way home. Its always stressful at the best of times and in the mood I'm in hmm

triggerhappybaby Tue 09-Jun-09 15:20:58

One look at you with your shovel and they will --run for the hills-- back right off!!

oldraver Wed 10-Jun-09 18:15:48

This kind of treatment seems to be par for the course. I didnt have to go to probate when DH died, we had a will and everybody acted on thisbut it did take life insurance and endowements and pensions almost four months to pay out.This was four months of constant phoning and the lack of compassion was astounding

I was told by my mortgage people that I HAD to continue paying the mortgage as "it was in both names so although DH has died you still have to pay it until the endowments are sorted". I pointed out the mortgage was based on and paid with TWO salaries, and that I now only had mine which would just cover the essentials, and buying food, paying the gas bill was far more important. When this was pointed out they conceeded that is was unreasonable of them to expect me to pay the mortgage. This was ok while actually speaking to someone but as each month passed a computerized letter would be churned out telling me I was in arrears and I would have to phone and go through the whole rigmarole again. This also happened for a loan and a credit card. All were told they would be paid off when money came through and agreed to hold fire but I still had an unbelievable amount of stress from them.

I was just astounded that they really didnt know how to deal with cases like this. Its as if someone dying was such a strbage thing they had never dealt with

ray81 Wed 10-Jun-09 19:54:40

Oh dear god i realy feel for you.

Is it perhaps something watchdog would be able to help with?

ray81 Wed 10-Jun-09 19:56:05

sorry posted before i could say that i am very sorry for yours and your mums loss.

I used to work in insurance and they are gits, will do anything not to pay out.

triggerhappybaby Wed 10-Jun-09 21:36:59

oldraver your last sentence sums it right up. And yet, for all I have no time for banks particularly, we went in to see a personal banker at Mum's branch about 4 days after Dad died to sort out the accounts and the lad couldn't have been more helpful. He was only a youngster but he was the sweetest lad and was so gentle and patient with us. It restored my faith a little in the human face of large organisations, but once they go into corporate mode it seems you have had it with the helpfulness sad

ray81 if they don't pay out I will personally visit the offices and not leave until I have spoken to the chief exec. Robbing bastards, happy enough to fleece you of it in life, suddenly in death find some small print. angry

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