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to be devastated that my 18 month old DD refuses to come near or touch me?

(17 Posts)
MichKit Sat 06-Jun-09 17:34:02

I know I've been posting a lot on here recently, its just because I have got chicken pox, and have been bedridden for the past few days.

I have been really upset for the past 2 days or so, as I have had a huge number of very ugly and huge spots on my face (worse on my body, but that's covered up). However, the worst upset is that my 18 month old will not come near me, even if I ask to cuddle her. She looks at my face and shakes her head and says 'no, no' while backing away into DH's or my mom's arms. I've tried everything to get her near me, no go. She says 'mama boo boo' and is all nice but from a distance. She came for a quick cuddle the other day, but couldn't wait to get away... and refused to come close enough for a kiss.

I am very very hurt, I won't show it to her, of course, but still hurt... and considering I got the blasted pox from her too! How am I going to teach her that all people are not always perfect, if this is how she behaves when she sees just a face covered in spots?
AIBU??? Please help!!

psychomum5 Sat 06-Jun-09 17:38:19

she is just fretting is all. don;t panic.

when mine were tiny and I was ill, they reacted in the same way. mummy is not in her normal mode, and they don;t know what to do, so back off. complately natural, and not indicitve of how she will behave when confonted with other people with lots of spots, promise

if it helps, when flame got married, I had her DD with me for the day previous to get her ready for the wedding and save flame worrying and panicking.

now, when flamechick saw flame, she backed away.............because her mummy didn;t look like mummy, she looked different (flame looked like a princess).

when flame returned to normal mummy later (and also put her glasses back onwink), flamechick was fine again.

psychomum5 Sat 06-Jun-09 17:40:00

oh, hope you feel better soon BTW, chicken pox is crap as an adult.......I know, I suffered just after giving birth to DD3.

in fact, my two older girls were too scared to come too close to me too at that point, altho it was also that me and DD3 were admitted to hopsital with it.

MichKit Sat 06-Jun-09 17:45:29

Yeah I know. I've been having a horrendous temperature for the past week, and just can't seem to get confortable at all Haven't been carted off to hospital yet, but may have to be if things don't get better this weekend.

Thanks for the kind words psychomum... I do hope this is just a phase. As a first time mum, I can't help worrying about everything. Good thing I have mumsnet :-)

psychomum5 Sat 06-Jun-09 17:47:53

she will be fine. and when you are up and about again, it will all feel lots better

pjmama Sat 06-Jun-09 18:16:38

I cease to exist on a weekend when DH is home, its most upsetting to be totally spurned despite spending my every waking moment catering to their every whim! Ungrateful little buggerz.

Don't take it personally, she still loves you! wink

Kayteee Sat 06-Jun-09 18:26:24

God, I just remembered when my Mum had her hair streaked blonde and I freaked! I can't remember exactly how old I was but I know it was very young. I still loved her but it was just that she looked "different".

She'll adjust grin

sad for you though...chicken pox is shit.

MichKit Sat 06-Jun-09 18:30:10

It is shit... I feel like an extra from Star Trek

DH has taken DD to a party to give me and mom a break, so trying to get as much rest as possible (on the computer of course )

Flower3545 Sat 06-Jun-09 18:33:46

Reminds me of when I had a cyst taken from both eyelids years ago.

DD2 was 5 at the time and was with her grandma who'd collected her from school for me.

As I got out of the car with DH, bearing in mind I had a huge white dressing on one eye and the other was the size of a golf ball, she took one look at me and ran off in the opposite direction, screaming "they've pulled my mums eyes out"

Took forever to calm her down once DH had caught hersad

MichKit Sat 06-Jun-09 18:59:05

Woah, that's harsh, for both of you... your poor DD. Just realising it a common thing and beginning to feel a lot better. I was really feeling like a freak for a while there!

psychomum5 Sat 06-Jun-09 19:05:41

oh god, that reminds me of when I had my hair cut super short years ago.

I only had DD1 and DD2 then, so they must only have been 1 and 3..............they FREAKED, and then begged and begged for me to stick it all back on, and would not go near me during the night for days.

have never cut my hair quite so short since.

going blonde induced the same reaction in DS2, altho not quite so prolonged.

going into glasses....<<shrug>>......no reaction at all. which now I think about it, is mighty unfair...........another proof of them growing up<<sob>>

psychomum5 Sat 06-Jun-09 19:06:36

and how odd is that sentence .....<wouldn;t go near me during the night, for days>...blush

YKWIM thowink

kiera Sat 06-Jun-09 19:29:52

don't worry - ds1 wouldn't go near me when I was in hospital after having ds1, didn't like the canular in my hand linking me up to the morphine (wonderful stuff) I was also high on morphine which didn't help. took him a week after I was discharged to come anywhere near me...please don't worry!

kiera Sat 06-Jun-09 19:30:25

ds 2 I meant to say...too much wine...

asicsgirl Sat 06-Jun-09 19:46:42

Bit off topic but I remember my (secondary age) French pen friend writing to me 'My mother has had a permanante [=perm]. She look like a sheep'...

ilovemydogandmrobama Sat 06-Jun-09 19:52:18

That is such a sweet story about Flamechick smile

slowreadingprogress Sat 06-Jun-09 19:53:48

you're asking too much of her! She's a baby.

It's not only your spots but possibly your NEED for her to cuddle, be normal with you, that is making her nervous.

Back right off her, don't pressure her for hugs or whatever.

it's very natural as others have already said for kids to be scared by physical changes in their mum or dad. It's just indicative of where they are in their development. They don't at this age have the social skills to mask their feelings yet; that comes much later when they have more social awareness and can cover up more because they have the social skills not to want to upset anyone.

But because of your dd's age, she is where she is - so to expect any more of her is just putting pressure on her for nothing IMO

Hope you are feeling better soon, btw

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