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to be thoroughly pissed off that my BF has gone abroad on holiday without telling me !

(16 Posts)
cheltenhamgal Fri 05-Jun-09 09:51:55

I did post on here a couple of weeks ago about us having fallen out - I wanted to go on holiday for a week, he wanted to go for a few days. Anyway he came round to the idea of going away for a week and we had found a decent deal to Turkey for the end of July. Last Saturday he said I have booked next week off work, I need a break. I am going to see my brother and some friends who live in Birmingham. No worries fine by me.
When I went to call him on Tuesday to say I had booked the time off work, his phone was turned off. I just thought well he is still asleep. It was still turned off in the evening. Wednesday morning I sent him a text saying I had found an even better deal, have tried calling you but couldn't get through.
I then at lunchtime received an email from him saying he had a problem with his phone, where was the holiday to and that he would see me soon.
I tried calling him again and the phone rang but with an international dialling tone ! So I left a message asking him to call me. His phone is now working fine as he has spoken to his daughter. I got a text this morning saying that he has gone abroad, he needed a break and to stop stressing him ! I sent one back saying all you had to do was tell me, and how does he think I have been feeling the past few days, wondering what the hell was going on.
Now I really don't mind he has gone abroad but I do mind he has lied to me about where he was going. He hasn't even apologised for not telling me and doesnt even see that he has done anything wrong.
Is this the dealbreaker ? I dont see how if I want to I can bring this around, I feel a fool, hurt, upset, angry

OrangeFish Fri 05-Jun-09 09:58:34

I don't know if this is a deal breaker but if he needed to take a holiday without telling you and has asked you to stop stressing him perhaps you should leave him alone unless he agrees to work in the communication between you two.

cheltenhamgal Fri 05-Jun-09 10:02:21

How was I stressing him ? First of all I was fine but then when he hadn't called me I thought something had happened to him. Its the fact he has lied to me, all he had to say to me was that he wanted some peace and a break away and that would have been fine. He has done it last year twice so the fact that he didnt tell me has made me wonder what the hell is going on

OrangeFish Fri 05-Jun-09 10:30:05

Cheltenhamgal. One can't have a relationship without good communication.

If he is not happy to talk things through to the point that he is hiding to do what he wants, perhaps it is a good idea to leave him alone. Not because it would be good for him but because it would be good for you.

It is totally unfair, stressful, disappointing and heartbreaking to be in a relationship where you don't know what is going on with your partner. If you don't know where you stand or what to expect you are bound to get hurt.

cheltenhamgal Fri 05-Jun-09 10:40:08

You are right and I have been terribly upset by the thought that he thinks obviously so little of me after a year to do something like that. I havent tried to contact him since yesterday and I said that I would leave him be but he kept texting me this morning ! I am not allowed my phone onsite at work. He is very poor at communication and this has obviously caused problems over the past couple of months. I don't plan on contacting him at all, as far as I am concerned the ball is firmly in his court.

OrangeFish Fri 05-Jun-09 10:46:40

Hey! wait! don't start belittling yourself with ideas like "he thinks obviously so little of me after a year to do something like that". He may think a lot of you but doesn't know how to communicate his needs to you so either you talk, reasonably, and discuss this problem and set steps to sort it out together, or the problems will continue.

girlywhirly Fri 05-Jun-09 10:50:34

The fact that he is evasive and prepared to lie to you means he wants out of this relationship imo. He's just too much of a coward to deal with it face to face with you.

I completely understand that you feel as you do, but while he's away, think long and hard about whether this relationship is worth having. You deserve much better. Stop contacting him, wait until he contacts you, and if you're going to split, get in first!

cheltenhamgal Fri 05-Jun-09 11:34:42

girlywhirly, I hadnt even thought about that but I dont think so(although I suppose anything is possible) as on last Sunday he suggested we book a holiday for next year for us and all the kids. I think the ball is in his court now and I dont plan on contacting him

saintmaybe Fri 05-Jun-09 11:37:06

Don't know what's a dealbreaker for you but it's not very good is it?

MrsMattie Fri 05-Jun-09 11:38:00

His actions don't bode well. He seems to be inadvertently telling you to piss off.

ginnny Fri 05-Jun-09 11:45:57

I think it is a dealbreaker (well it would be for me anyway)
Its not so much that he went away on his own, but to lie about it to you is rotten.
I'd hang back now and don't contact him. Let him come to you with his apologies and then its up to you to decide what to do, but I'd dump him on his lying arse if I were you!

Morloth Fri 05-Jun-09 11:51:18

It is not the sort of thing one does after a year in a committed relationship.

I would let him slide I think, he is clearly not really that interested. Actions speak louder than words.

Ditch him and move onwards and upwards.

cheltenhamgal Fri 05-Jun-09 11:51:51

thanks for all your comments, I am definately not going to contact him again and if he texts me I will just say I will see him when he is back. I honestly dont know what to think, I have so much other crap stuff going on at the moment

GetOrfMoiLand Fri 05-Jun-09 12:01:41

Cheltenhamgal - I don't think that he is behaving like someone in a committed relationship. You have been together over a year, it is not normal to go on holiday without telling your girlfriend and then avoiding her calls. If I were you i really would call it a day on this one, it doesn't seem as if it is going anywhere. I wouldn't bother contacting him again.
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girlywhirly Fri 05-Jun-09 12:03:11

cheltenhamgal, I wouldn't make any plans with him unless you know things are O.K. His lack of communication skills needs improving (by him) because they will affect the rest of his life, romantically, socially, at work. He gives people the impression that he doesn't care how his actions affect them. They aren't mind readers, he needs to tell them what is in his head. Even being blunt with someone is, while not tactful or kind, better than the way he is behaving, because at least everyone knows where they stand.

HullabaLuLu Fri 05-Jun-09 12:09:06

It would be a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn't treat someone like that and wouldn't settle for someone who would do it to me.

YANBU. You deserve better.

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