To be annoyed at my grandma trying to give dds tiramisu?

[ladyofshallots]

My grandmother is constantly trying to stuff 19 month old and 3 year old dds with rubbish, even though she knows my views on healthy eating. I know she is from a different generation with different ideas and I do try to give her some leeway, but she insists on trying to get dd1 away from me so she can sneakily give her extra strong mints . She takes dd1 for a walk every week and I suspect it is for the express purpose of secretly feeding her crap she knows I won't allow.

Today dh had to stop her spooning brandy soaked tiramisu into 19 month old dd2, so she immediately turned to dd1 before I managed to stop her. Dd1 of course had a tantrum then and my grandma said 'oh you've got to give her something.'

It's driving me mad. I'm not even overly strict - I don't mind the odd bit of chocolate and we bake cakes at home. I have tried explaining what I like them to eat and giving some suggestions, but she seems to enjoy undermining me.

She is also very controlling with the dds, particularly dd1 and seems to want to take over whenever she is with them. She is overly affectionate to the point of being suffocating and I feel as if she regards dd1 as hers rather than mine. Dd2 is very clingy so she doesn't pay as much attention to her. I do try to let some things go, but whenever she takes dd1 out for a walk she refuses to eat her evening meal. If I confront my grandma she denies giving her sweets and acts offended.

[branflake81]

YABU. A bit of tiramisu won't kill her. Let her grandma spoil her.

[southeastastra]

was it really boozy !

[ladyofshallots]

But if she's 'spoiling' her with alcoholic cake, I think it could be harmful. It tasted v alcoholic.

[Paolosgirl]

Was it really the pudding (sounds yum by the way!) or it is the other ishoos that perhaps have manifested themselves in the tiramisu incident?

[MmeLindt]

The mints would not bother me, a bit of spoiling is what Grannies are there for. I would very much object to brandy soaked tiramisu. That is definitely not ok.

Do you see much of your grandmother?

[ladyofshallots]

Yes, I see her once a week, so that is why it is more of an issue. I think the issue is that she is completely ignoring my wishes as a parent and didn't even ask before trying to give the cake.

[LadyAga]

YANBU, i would be furious.

[ChippingIn]

ladyofshallots - how old is your Grandmother?

I miss my Nana loads and would love her to be able to stuff my kids with a ton of crap on a weekly basis (she died a long time ago, but was THE best Nana ever!!) - so I'm kind of coming down on the 'appreciate her while you have her' side of the fence. However, if she's a stunningly young Grandmother who is likely to be around until your kids are adults themselves then I guess you have to sort it out now before you bash her over the head with a frying pan

[ladyofshallots]

She's in her late 70's, so I will try to appreciate her being so lovely and involved. I just don't want my dds having alcohol yet!

[LovelyTinOfSpam]

ladyofshallots is your grandmother italian?

If so the whole stuffing food into people thing is terribly ingrained...

[ladyofshallots]

No, but she is Irish, which might also explain it.

[Sunflower100]

YANBU - I'd be equally cheesed off by the booze element.
I'd probably go with spoiling with cakes etc though as thats what most grandparents do.

[Paolosgirl]

I don't know about the nationality thing - I think a lot of older people who have lived through food shortages in WW2 have 'interesting' attitudes to food.

[ladyofshallots]

I think I'm a bit worried as I was bulimic and think my grandma's constant offering of food past the point of fullness encouraged me to binge eat in secret later on. I don't want that for my dds.

[MmeLindt]

Paolosgirl could be describing my PIL whose first question is always, "Are you hungry?" before we are even over the threshold. He is German and it is a leftover thing from the war time food shortages, I think. He shows his love and affection by offering food and drink.

Don't worry too much about her being controlling and overbearing towards your DDs, she is more likely to put them off and make them more wary of their nan with that kind of behaviour, sadly.

[ChippingIn]

Ladyofshallots - tbh the amount of brandy the children would have had in a few spoonfulls of pudding isn't going to hurt them - please try to relax with it all and make the most of having her around (mind you, if you'd have said MIL not GM my post would have been quite different )

[kalo12]

isn't it illegal to give ANy alcohol to under fives?

[LovelyTinOfSpam]

Just my personal experience of Italian grandmothers

Thing is, granny is pretty elderly, so if you try to change her ways she will find it very hard and simply son't understand.

She is showing her love through food, as many grannies do, it is kind of their job.

If you take it on the chin and smile and try not to look worried I'm sure that your kids will not develop any problems. I believe that eating disorders are usually linked to emotional things primarily (correct me if I'm wrong) and the food is just an outlet? So as your kids are happy they will not develop the unhealthy relationship thing (sorry cod psychology).

It's once a week so health-wise it won't have an impact. My grannies certainly fed me and DB loads of shite and we fine...

Asking her to lay off the booze in recipes for the kids pretty sensible though, and I don't see how she can fail to understand that one or be upset by it

[SomeGuy]

I give my children tiramisu every now and then. Not going to harm them in the least.

You have to be five to DRINK alcohol, not to have a bit of it in some food.

[Paolosgirl]

I stick wine in a lot of dishes I cook, and it doesn't appear to do any of the DC's any harm.

They may be a bit wobbly when they leave the table, but it soon passes

(That IS a joke btw)

[knickers0nmahead]

yabu

[LovelyTinOfSpam]

Cooked wine = alcohol cooked off though.

Uncooked puddings = still full on booze. And it's usually spirits...

Once in a while is one thing but I have eaten some puddings in my time which were like downing a treble brandy. If it's puddings like that on a regular basis I'd be a bit too

[MmeLindt]

Ì have sometimes used a bit of alcohol when cooking, but only a bit and only when the meal would be well cooked. I am assuming that the tiramisu was not cooked after the alcohol was added so it does not seem to be suitable for children.

I can understand your issues with the "force feeding". As I mentioned, my FIL is like that, you can say dozens of times that you are not hungry, he still puts a plate of food down. My SIL and her DD have problems with their weight and a lot of it has to do with FILs attitude to food.

Your DD only see your Grandmother once a week for an hour or so. You are in control the rest of the week, a much bigger time scale. Concentrate on givign them a healthy attitude to food and eating and try not to get too worried about your Granny.

[ladyofshallots]

Yes, I don't mind alcohol in cooking, i do it myself, the alcohol evaporates. But as LTOS says, in a pudding the alcohol is still there. I just don't think a 19 month old should drink brandy!

[Ronaldinhio]

yabu

what a waste on children...get in line next time