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To be offended that my parents care more for my kids safety than they did for mine?

(26 Posts)
Nahui Wed 03-Jun-09 20:26:06

Message withdrawn

ChippingIn Wed 03-Jun-09 20:28:43

LMAO - we were all 'tougher' kids. I'm not actually sure what's worse though, GP's who are now child proofing the same spaces we grew up in or the ones saying 'it never did you any harm, so I'm not changing it'.... probably couldn't win either way grin

norksinmywaistband Wed 03-Jun-09 20:29:43

I think people are always more precious re safety when the children are not their own but they love and care deeply for them. I am much less cautious with my own Dc than I am with nieces and nephews for example. They are not mine, I do not fully know their limitations therefore I protect them more

Morloth Wed 03-Jun-09 20:29:55

When we pull up in PIL's driveway they come rushing out to the car with cry's of "Grandson is here!" and he is pulled out of carseat covered in hugs and kisses, taken inside given sweets and pretty much treated like a god.

They usually say "hello" to us...

Face it once you have given the gift of grandchildren you are then obsolete.

Dysgu Wed 03-Jun-09 20:31:52

Yes - my parents worry alot more about their grandchildren (including my 2DD) than they did about my two sisters and me.

They admit they find it much more worrisome to have the GC around and get anxious if they get hurt on their shift.

My mum says this is partly because with their own kids they only had themselves to answer to and were always doing things their own way. My sister and 1 raise our children quite differently and I think my mum therefore has to respond to the children slightly differently.

Also, there are so many more rules and guidelines now - is always fascinating talking about how my parents used to get 3 of us in the back of a small MG sportscar - no child seats in those days.

mylifemykids Wed 03-Jun-09 20:31:55

Maybe they don't want you coming on MN moaning if one of your children injures themselves in their garden/care grin

WinkyWinkola Wed 03-Jun-09 20:33:57

Tis true. My MIL told me she worries far more about her GCs than she ever did about her own children, "Because they're not hers," Eh?

I think they suspect we're all inadequate parents...........grin

OrmIrian Wed 03-Jun-09 20:39:34

That is so true! I was allowed to shin up trees, go walking round the local fields on my own, play anywhere and everywhere and when I came in bleeding profusely from yet another accident, she would look up from peeling spuds, tut at me and come and peer at the wound before pronouncing whether it needed a plaster or just a wash. As I turned out pretty healthy and tough I consider it a good policy and instigated it in my house grin

But my goodness mum is paranoid about my DC. COmpletely. She even paid for a very expensive custom made metal grille to go over their two (v shallow) fish ponds in case the children fell in. I had to remind her of the time i fell into the flooded stagnant cellar of an abandoned building in our paddock when I was about 5 hmm

She gets upset when they climb trees, walk along roads, run too fast.... I have to tell her that if it worries her she simply shouldn't look. Because they aren't going to turn into quiet mousey sit down quietly children no matter what we do.

francagoestohollywood Wed 03-Jun-09 20:47:27

I agree. I think GP have adapted to a more safety conscious society. Plus, they do have a soft spot for their grandchildren wink...

LovelyTinOfSpam Wed 03-Jun-09 20:47:36

ROFL it's so true!

My DH has suggested that it's because if anything happened they'd have "double guilt".

I wonder if it's cos they're knocking on a bit.

Either way, top OP, this syndrome has now gone into my list of "known facts" grin

pranma Wed 03-Jun-09 21:43:44

My kids had ponies from the age of 7.I took them to competitions and cheered them over fences etc.Now I fuss if the grandchildren ride a bike in the park and would be so worried if they went near a pony!

2shoes Wed 03-Jun-09 21:44:31


Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 03-Jun-09 21:50:22

Morloth that's what happens to DS when we see my parents.
Tbh I love it. I trust them with him totally and it's fab to be able to relax a bit.

Their house, which I and my brothers grew up in, is full of dangers though. I keep dropping hints about a bit of childproofing but it's all fallen on deaf ears so far. DS has suddenly got mobile this week though so we'll see what happens the next time we are there!

Paolosgirl Wed 03-Jun-09 21:54:40

My parents still talk fondly of the days before seat belts in the back, and when they managed to squeeze 4 adults, 2 babies and 2 toddlers into a Mini to go on holiday.

Oh how they laugh, as my sister and I look at each other like this shock

Bobblebuddy Wed 03-Jun-09 21:54:57

Agree it is probably mostly the 'other people's kids' syndrome.

But also - maybe some parts of the garden was a lot newer and less dangerous when you were young - walls a bit more stable, etc.

AND, they were better able to run after you when you (and they) were younger. Maybe they want to make life a bit easier for themselves now by childproofing more so they don't have to leg it round the garden after your LOs. smile

Ronaldinhio Wed 03-Jun-09 21:55:13

gp are very different than parents

my mother gave my db a severe telling off for reprimanding his son..this is the same mother who used to smake us with a riding crop as "beating you will only hurt my hands"

the times they are a changing

either that or she was swapped by aliens

lotspot Wed 03-Jun-09 21:58:13

My sisters daughter fell into (well.....she decided she could walk on watergrin) my husband's parents pond a few years ago - she was around 5ish i'd guess

Never in my LIFE have i ever heard such profuse apologising my MIL bless her was beside herself - my sister however did the once over of nothings broken and she isnt bleeding and sent her off to walk the dogs with all the other children lol

PIL have a magnet on their fridge which reads "If i'd known how much fun grandchildren were i'd have had them first" somes it all up perfectly (except of cours ethe worry of you DIL's neice falling in your pond )

LovelyTinOfSpam Wed 03-Jun-09 22:00:10

It's all so true.

I think my parents think I am unbelievably reckless with DD's safety.

Although they did have to come down earlier to inspect the massive cuts on her face after a short walk round the block.

Twice in her life she falls over, twice she takes it full brunt on her face, the silly sod.

I am terrible mum. She is 22 mo.

poshsinglemum Thu 04-Jun-09 00:49:48

As is evident from my thread- granny and granpa dote on dd but when it comes to safety not a clue!
No safety gates, foxgloves, lots of sugary food etc, etc.
They make up for it with lots of hugs and kisses!
So the opposite extreme with me!

TsarChasm Thu 04-Jun-09 01:04:42

My parents are quite opposite as GP's to the type of parents they were.

I think it's because they can hand them back and recover so they have lots of time and patience.

Blimey my dad was even helping at school with an activity the other day. I was amazed. They never even helped me with homework.

littleboyblue Thu 04-Jun-09 01:52:20

It's most odd isn't it? I think things are just so different now, and like someone else said I think most people take more care with other peoples children than their own, I know I do. Not that my dc's are not watched or anything, but the responsibility of being in charge of someone else's child, no matter who's is huge and I would congratulate a GP that took so much thought to preventing even the smallest of accidents. Although my theory is the lo's need to learn results of their actions and IMO only one way to do this. I'd never put my ds's in a situation where they would be seriously hurt, but I'm not against them falling over to learn about climbing/jumping and so on.
The thing that gets me as well, is now my lack of importance where my parents are concerned. The first thing they ask on the phone is how are the boys? They don't seem to pay attention when I talk anymore. Me and my ds's were with my dad the other day and he got a phone call, the caller must have asked what he was doing, and he said "I'm just with my gc" No mention of me. Not "my daughter is here with my gc"
My parents find it quite difficult to explain this one. They say obviously there is nothing in the world you love more than your dc's, but then your dc's grow up and become adults and have dc's of their own and to hold your baby's baby is just one of the most amazing blessings ever and it is the only love that has ever come even remotely close to their feelings for us as their dc's.
I hope to find this out for myself one day.

nooka Thu 04-Jun-09 05:42:51

I think my parents are fairly similar with my children on the safety front as they were with me and my siblings really. Lots of benign neglect combined with requests for them to help with various household tasks from my mother, and a growing interest from my dad as the children get older and more engaging to him. Perhaps that's because they are in the second batch (my big sister and brother's children are quite a bit older) and so have more practice, and maybe it's because my parenting views are fairly similar to my mother's (children should have space and freedom whenever possible). Child proofing has never been a great priority with them (no stair gates etc) but then they are also fairly relaxed and don't have loads of breakable stuff.

Goblinchild Thu 04-Jun-09 07:56:34

Your parents may love you, and therefore any harm that comes to your children will harm their relationship with you.

So they don't want you to get p*ssed off. wink

EyeballshasBackBoobs Thu 04-Jun-09 08:08:16

Tis the way of things. My mother freaks out if she thinks DD's car seat straps are a teeny bit loose. We used to stand up in the middle of the back seat with our heads sticking out of the sunroof

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