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to think that other parents shouldn't drop you as a friend, just because your children won't be going to the same school as theirs?

(8 Posts)
hattyyellow Wed 03-Jun-09 10:05:45

I really am curious.

We moved to our village 18 months ago. We signed our kids up for the pre-school and I have been attending the local playgroups etc on the days when I'm not working. We've gone along and helped out at the village summer fair etc and tried to generally get on with everyone.

We knew there was a chance that our girls wouldn't get places at the local school as its so popular and we are just out of catchment. They didn't get in and are now signed up to the next village school about 20 minutes away.

Since that news got around, we've been completely dropped by several friends. People I'd thought were good friends. I've called all of them a couple of times with no joy.

Having a chat to a mutual friend today I quietly asked her about it and she said it was because our kids wouldn't be going to the same school.

Her take on it was that these parents are all busy people and people just "don't have time to be friends with people if their kids aren't at school together..they can't share pick ups/school runs and play dates just get too difficult to organise..then at the weekends people spend time with their families".

Now I don't think that's a particulary nice way to treat people and I feel a bit hurt. But I'm a novice in the world of playground politics with my girls only just about to start primary and I just want to know if this sort of thing is considered reasonable, even if not particulary pleasant.

So please - enlighten me!

SusieDerkins Wed 03-Jun-09 10:07:22

It would make me think that they were only ever friendly because they thought you would be of some use to them.

very sad.

2shoes Wed 03-Jun-09 10:11:27

normal I am afriad, if you think about it chances are the olnly thing you had in common will now be taken away

AMumInScotland Wed 03-Jun-09 10:35:47

Well, chances are in their view you were never a friend, only a "contact" - someone who might be useful to them. It's not very nice, and in fact may backfire on them if they later wish their child had some friends outside of school, but what can you do? Just concentrate on making a new batch of friends, either at the new school or people who have no school connection at all.

junglist1 Wed 03-Jun-09 10:45:24

I value my mates outside school more because school is where things can go wrong. At birthday parties if there's only limited numbers, their out of school mates are invited first, because they've been around for years.

notsoteenagemum Wed 03-Jun-09 10:55:21

This happened to me when dd was in Nursery, it fed two schools and I was actually asked by a couple of mums which school dd was before they sent RSVP for her birthday party, which was a bit of a shock
However I just took it to mean these were not worth bothering with anyway.

sunnydelight Wed 03-Jun-09 11:01:09

How incredibly narrow minded of them! I think it's really important to have "out of school" friends; friendships can cause all sorts of issues at school and sometimes it's just nice for a kid to see someone else who knows nothing about what happened at school that day (kids like a change of subject as well!). Think of it as their loss, but don't follow their lead and limit yourself to only making school friends, you'll regret it later smile

hattyyellow Wed 03-Jun-09 11:31:37

Thanks all, it's really interesting to read a range of opinions. I can see her logic but it seems such a shame to limit your childrens friends so much.

Thing is, I thought that I did have a friendship with more in common than just our childrens school. But obviously not.

Does the innocent world of cherubic faced reception kids really have to be about contacts and what other parents and their friends can do for you? It's sad.

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