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To think dh should stop being a prat and just accept the money!!!!!

(14 Posts)
mummytopebs Tue 02-Jun-09 20:06:37

I am really annoyed with dh. We have just found out i am pregnant and need another room in house, we have decided to get the garage converted, we have money saved up but are £1000 short. DH grandad offered us the full money for the garage conversion which he would not take (which i understand) but now he has offered us the £1000 shortfall which dh has took but is insisting on paying it back at a rate of £100 a month. His granda really just wants him to have the money and so do i - i do not understand this stupid pathetic man attitude to provide!!!!! His granda is 88 years old and wants to see his only grandchild happy - am i being unreasonable to think he should just take the money ?

rubyslippers Tue 02-Jun-09 20:08:07

what is the history?

i think it is really kind of your DH to offer to pay it back - you would need to do that on a loan

money usually causes issues in families so i think your DH is actually sensible to pay it back

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Tue 02-Jun-09 20:10:16

Message withdrawn

Ponders Tue 02-Jun-09 20:11:48

Will it leave you short every month?

Boys2mam Tue 02-Jun-09 20:13:28

I don't think YABU - my Grandad would be mortally offended if he was rebuffed as he would not offer unless he could afford this.

But male pride is what it is and he has to feel comfortable with accepting the money, loan or gift.

mummytopebs Tue 02-Jun-09 20:14:28

We cant really afford to pay it back x

His granda is being really adament about him taking the money, he is aware that he has money and he wants to see him have something we really need. His granda told him to take the money out of his safe which contains an obscene amount of money but he doesnt want to put anymore in the bank, his granda just keeps saying he cant spend it now and wants to make him happy

rubyslippers Tue 02-Jun-09 20:16:31

well, if you can't afford to pay £100 back, then pay less back per month

but i think on balance your DH is right to pay it back

thisisyesterday Tue 02-Jun-09 20:17:24

well i think it's up to him tbh. if he feels that he really wants to pay it back then that's his choice to make.
of course it would be lovely if he would accept it as a gift, but he doesn't want to and that's fair enough.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Tue 02-Jun-09 20:18:36

If it's his granddad and he genuinely wants to give it as a gift then YANBU and he's being silly.

Ponders Tue 02-Jun-09 20:19:34

If the £100 will leave you short, then work out what you can afford & agree with DH that you'll pay that much back for as long as it takes.

flatcapandpearls Tue 02-Jun-09 20:22:31

I would pay it back tbh even if it meant we went without things. I am a bit funny about money though.

Ronaldinhio Tue 02-Jun-09 20:27:23


if you "need" the room then perhaps his grandad can also perceive the need and wants to make your dh able to afford his child's room.

Your dh sounds great.

Why not either pay back a smaller amount monthly that you can afford or wait until you can afford to fund the garage conversion yourselves

JoyS Tue 02-Jun-09 20:36:04

Not to be morbid, but you might want to consider the possibility of inheritance tax. The money you give away in the last 7 years of your life is added back into your estate to calculate the inheritance tax on it. The recipients of those gifts are responsible for paying the tax.

If the money is paid back you won't be held responsible for the tax, so if you choose to go down that route try to document the loan/repayments as best you can.

LovelyTinOfSpam Tue 02-Jun-09 20:47:43


"Annual exemption

You can give away gifts worth up to £3,000 in each tax year and these gifts will be exempt from Inheritance Tax when you die. You can carry forward any unused part of the £3,000 exemption to the following year, but if you don’t use it in that year, the carried-over exemption expires.

The annual exemption is in addition to the other gift exemptions."

OP: Is there a reason he won't accept it as a gift? Is there history/will he be leant on for endless favours/will people go on about it etc?

If not and it's a genuine gift why not just take it? I don't think YABU at all.

Although I don't understand this attitude of not accepting genuine help from family. My family have helped us a lot and I hope to be in a position to help my own children when they need it. TBH my parents have been offloading cash for years to avoid inheritance tax, and I am nothing but grateful. Thanks to them we could afford a larger deposit which means their DD (me) and GCs will be comfortable. I can never understand how that is anything but a good thine.

But I know people feel very strongly about it. Just one of those things I guess.

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