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to DEMAND ex h uses a booster seat

(24 Posts)
LisaD1 Mon 01-Jun-09 12:02:44

My DD1 is 9 years old, she is shorter than the legal height limit to be exempt from a booster seat, my ex h and I usually get on ok but as usual when he gets a new g/f he becomes a muppet! He doesn't drive and the new g/f dropped my daughter off yesterday (and also drove her around all w/end) with no booster seat. I have asked ex and he says she doesn't need one (the law says differently!), I feel very strongly about the use of appropriate seats and have now told him that if he doesn't get a booster seat for her I will with hold access until he does (i have been divorced for almost 6 years and have never stopped access but feel very strongly about this)

So AIBU to demand she is in a seat?

Alambil Mon 01-Jun-09 12:05:14


boosters are £8 in argos - if he can't spend that, he ain't worth seeing IMO!

duchesse Mon 01-Jun-09 12:07:01

YANBU They don't cost much and it's the law that she have one until she measures 136cm.

This is particularly the case if their car has front passenger airbags and she is riding in the front. Studies in US have shown a higher rate airbag linked of deaths in children and very small women (under 150cm). Raising her to an adult height using a booster reduced this risk.

McDreamy Mon 01-Jun-09 12:10:33

YANBU - Sir Alex Fergusons grandson has been in hospital because he was in travelling in a car without a booster cushion. I believe it was a low speed crash and he was admitted to hospital with serious internal injuries. I don't know how he is now but there is a reason the law is as it is and this incident proves it.

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 01-Jun-09 12:40:54


i cant beleive your ex would be that silly to risk your dd life shock angry

car seats are there for a reason - to try and keep the childs life safe

if he continues to not use one, i would call the police and get them to go round and stop him when dd is in the car - ie to school/brownies etc

police will fine parents or the adult and maybe this will make him think again

trixymalixy Mon 01-Jun-09 12:48:48


VinegarTits Mon 01-Jun-09 12:54:56

Can you not give your dd the booster seat she uses in your car so she can take it with her and tell her she is not allowed in the GF's car without it?

He is being a tosser, but your dd will suffer if you stop access, so a good solution would be to let her take your booster seat

Apologies if you dont have a car

LightShinesInTheDarkness Mon 01-Jun-09 12:55:15

Could you give him the seat when he collects her? Presumably she has one in your car.

Not ideal as he should keep one at his place for her, but might stop you having to take drastic action like stopping her seeing him, which will affect your DD as well.

Good luck with a difficult situation.

LightShinesInTheDarkness Mon 01-Jun-09 12:56:07

sorry - x posted with VT. Great minds think alike!

Overmydeadbody Mon 01-Jun-09 12:57:31


He has to have her in a booster seat.

I agree you should judt send her with a booster seat if he cannot be arsed to provide his own, so at least your DD will still be safe.

HecatesTwopenceworth Mon 01-Jun-09 13:19:42

print out this and give it to him.

FabulousBakerGirl Mon 01-Jun-09 13:23:04

No seat = no visit.

End of.


VinegarTits Mon 01-Jun-09 13:43:08

sorry FBG but i disagree with that.

No seat = no visit, you are not only punishing him but your dd too, you are both her parents and you both have a responsibility for her safely, if you ex wont take the booster seat issue seriously then you need to go and buy one yourself and make sure she takes it with her

I wouldnt be arguing the toss over 8 quid, and 8 quid is not good enough reason to with hold access, its your dd happiness and saftey that matters most

crokky Mon 01-Jun-09 13:43:36

I'd get a booster seat, give it to your DD and tell her to always use it in the car when visiting XH.

FabulousBakerGirl Mon 01-Jun-09 13:47:02

Well, I wouldn't let her go without a seat but this was done without the mum knowing. Obviously I would be giving them a seat if they were picking her up from mine.

FabulousBakerGirl Mon 01-Jun-09 13:47:35

And the child won't suffer from missing a visit while the father sorts out a seat. Would suffer if in an accident without a seat.

MummyDragon Mon 01-Jun-09 14:30:19

Of course YANBU. Is there any way that you could talk to the girlfriend (tactfully of course)? Agree with those who have suggested giving your DD the seat and telling her that she must sit on it ... I can't imagine your ex-hubby saying to her, "oh no, don't sit on the safety seat" if it's actually in the car ...

edam Mon 01-Jun-09 14:33:01

DO tell your ex and his girlfriend that they are breaking the law and risking your dd being seriously injured in an accident. If they still aren't bothered, agree with the post that said 'no booster, no visit'.

LisaD1 Mon 01-Jun-09 14:45:01

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the replies :-)

I have never had this issue before as usually my ex h's parents collect her/drop her off on his weekends and they do use booster seats. They are away at the moment and this g/f is a new one, I've never even met her. His previous g/f always used to put my DD in a car seat so never had an issue there. I would speak to the g/f directly but seeing as she has no booster seat for her own 9 year old child (even shorter than my DD) I can't imagine she will be too interested! My ex collects DD from school once a fortnight so I would have to send the booster seat into school and hope she remembered to take it. I really can't understand why he can't supply her with one (he is far from poor!), he is just being difficult which he tends to do every time a new g/f appears! I have emailed him today and said that he must supply a booster seat and if he dosn't he won't be seeing her until he does. I appreciate people's opinion that a visit is important to them both BUT whilst my DD will survive a weekend without seeing him I cannot guarantee she would survive an accident without the appropriate seat (although I do know having one is also no guarantee but surely we should take as many precautions as possible) and I won't be allowing access without the correct seat.

FabulousBakerGirl Mon 01-Jun-09 14:47:49

How did your child feel about going in a car with someone presumably she hardly knew? I wouldn't let someone I hadn't met drive my child.

screamingabdab Mon 01-Jun-09 14:47:55

Good luck, YANBU

LisaD1 Mon 01-Jun-09 14:50:57

Hi Fab,

My DD is very sociable and loves meeting new people, she has met this woman a couple of times previously and was happy to be in her car/company. I think she is so used to the fact her dad doesn't drive that she doesn't really blink when it's someone new! I am not happy about the fact I haven't met the person driving my child around but the first I heard of it was last night when DD came home and told me about that and the seat (she knows I am VERY strict re car seats), I have been so busy worrying about the seat issue that tbh the fact I've never met the woman seemed irrelevant in a way.

MummyDragon Mon 01-Jun-09 16:39:18

In the light of the fact that the girlfriend doesn't use a car seat for her DC either, I would say that YANBU to refuse to let DD visit your ex until he supplies a car seat. You are absolutely right OP - her safety is much more important than DD's / ex's hurt feelings for a few weeks. Stick to your guns girl!

caramelwaffle Mon 01-Jun-09 17:39:13

You are not being unreasonable.

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