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AIBU?

to be furious at parents for childrens behaviour

30 replies

TinyPawz · 31/05/2009 23:28

This is really the first I have calmed down since Friday afternoon....i'll tell you what happened.

I collected my daughter (2yr7mnth) from grannies house and came home. She was playing in the front garden and I was in kitchen just down the hall.

My lo is mixed race and we live in a very very white area. I believe she is the only mixed race/ other race person in the area.

Anyway she was playing and all of sudden she sharts shouting 'dap it' (stop it). I went to see what was going on. There were 3 older kids, 2 boys and 1 girl around 5 or 6 SPITTING AT HER!!!! I was livid. I yelled very loudly for them to get away.

I am at furious the parents and I suppose the kids as well. But assumably they are bein brought up to believe that that is acceptable behaviour. AIBU???

Is this the sort of stuff she is going to have to endure her whole life??

OP posts:

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lockets · 31/05/2009 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 31/05/2009 23:30

That's classed as assault now IIRC! Poor dd. Not all children are like that.

MollieO · 31/05/2009 23:31

Completely unacceptable behaviour but why do you think these children were spitting at your dd because she is mixed race?

kitkatqueen · 31/05/2009 23:32

tiny, that is horrible! Yanbu!

If u u know who they are do something about it. That is NOT ok. Poor little girl!

And no that isn't something she is going to have to endure all her life because its bloody well illegal! The kids need sorting!

mrsnosy · 31/05/2009 23:33

It's probably not race related. My kids have been spat at by vile children before and they're white and so were the kids spitting at them.

barnsleybelle · 31/05/2009 23:33

Spitting is disgusting behaviour and completely unacceptable. What however, has led you to believe this is race related?

Mumofagun · 31/05/2009 23:34

Totally agree about the spitting, but what makes you think it is about race? What is a "very, very white areas?" BTW? At that age, (the 5 / 6) They can be mean regrdless of anything.? Sad for your DD though

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 31/05/2009 23:41

I am so sorry for your little girl. She does not deserve such disgusting ignorant behavior.

If you do know the parents I would have a word, but don't go in all guns blazing. It may not necessarily be something they picked up from home.

Dd1 once told me she didn't like the little Asian boy in her nursery class, because "he has black on him". She had previously been friendly with, because his Gran and Grandad own our local sweet shop.

I was livid and went berserk with her. Probably ott really because looking back she more than likely didn't even understand what she was saying.

I banned sweets for a month and told her we were moving to China where she would be the only girl with white on her and no one would play with her

I dragged her to the shop and made her apologise .

She promised to play with him in class because she said no one else would because he was different

After much co ercing and discussion with teh school we discovered that it was all coming from an older girl who had older brothers. And dd1 just went along with it to impress.

I wish I could say that she has changed and is now tolerant of every one, but I recently caught her calling a little girl in a wheel chair a baby because she couldn't walk, again following her friends. I reacted similarly.

TinyPawz · 31/05/2009 23:42

I live in Belfast, there are very few other races here, but thankfully that has been changing over the last lot of years.

I have no specific reason to believe that it is race related and I suppose I am supersensitive about everything.

I am fairly certain that my lo is the only mixed race person in the area, I have lived here all my life.

OP posts:

Mumofagun · 31/05/2009 23:48

I appreciate it may be a sensitive subject for you but kids that age don't see colour unless they are being indoctrinated by their parents. Do you know their parents? Regardless, you need to have a word if you feel able to without feeling scared. Have you just moved into the area, or is it the first time DD has been out in the front garden, especially cos of the nice weather? If DD is a new face regardless, they are testing, curious, being kids, and sometimes they are NOT NICE.

TinyPawz · 31/05/2009 23:50

I don't know who the parents are, I have never seen the kids about before, so they could have just been visiting.

Other than yelling at them to get away, I was in no fit state to speak to anyone. I suppose, in hindsight it probably would have been best to find their parents straight away. But in the mood I was in, I don;t know what I would have done coming face to face with a parent who would condone such behaviour.

I just hope it never happens again....and bless lo, she was trying to console me cos I was so upset....

OP posts:

TinyPawz · 31/05/2009 23:55

Mumofagun,

I was actually born on this street, my own mum lives only 1 street away now. My lo is known to the nieghbours because they all know me and my family.

It is the 1st time she has been in the garden on her own, while I was indoors, abeit 5 feet away.

OP posts:

Tryharder · 01/06/2009 00:04

Your poor little girl, Tinypawz.

My sons are mixed race as well and we live in a "white" area but thankfully we have only had positive experiences.

ipanemagirl · 01/06/2009 00:16

tinypawz, fwiw, a friend of mine lived in Armagh for a while on a housing estate and local children really taunted her and shouted at her through her letterbox etc. She was quite traumatised by it but accepted that they were just ignorant feral little buggers.

She said she'd never speak to the mothers because she'd never seen who the mothers might be. The children appeared to be almost completely unsupervised and fairly lawless. What can you do?

But nothing would suprise me unfortunately, and I feel for you, that would totally wipe me out if it happened to my ds or dd, particularly so young!

MichKit · 01/06/2009 16:59

Oh your poor little girl! And no, YANBU. If I was you, I would go have a word with the parents if you know them. Otherwise, amke sure those kids don't come anywhere near your LO. My DD is mixed race as well, and we do live in a whitish area, but luckily no problems so far other than the odd comment here and there (more directed towards me, as my DD looks very white and I look very brown... I was asked once if the child was mine )

Greensleeves · 01/06/2009 17:04

fucking hell seashells, that was way way OTT

Spitting is foul, whatever its motivation. Were the children's parents there though? I'm curiousd as to why you think this is the result of racism at home, or that the children's parents have led them to believe that spitting is fine. I find that unlikely. Children sometimes do horrible things when they think adults aren't looking.

MANATEEequineOHARA · 01/06/2009 17:13

That is disgusting. Do you know these children???

junglist1 · 01/06/2009 18:26

If these kids were spitting and it was race related then they learnt their scum attitudes at home. Children don't see colour unless they hear crap. YANBU. I hope you don't have any more problems and it was a one off.

Jux · 01/06/2009 18:50

How absolutely horrible. The reason why they were doing it is irrelevant. It is vile and disgusting behaviour. Would you recognise them if you saw them again? I do hope nothing like this happens again. Come and live in sunny Devon - we're pretty accepting here!

MissSunny · 01/06/2009 19:28

Message withdrawn

TinyPawz · 01/06/2009 20:46

I honestly have no reason to believe it is race related....so I more than likely have over reacted to that

Not sure who these kids are but I am keeping my eyes peeled.

OP posts:

MissSunny · 02/06/2009 01:46

Message withdrawn

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SofiaAmes · 02/06/2009 06:40

Isn't 2 a little young to be playing in a front garden without constant adult supervision? I live in a great neighborhood and wouldn't let my 6 and 8 year old play in the front without my being able to see them at all times.

savoycabbage · 02/06/2009 07:23

Where I used to live the MAN next door to me spat on my dd because she was mixed race. We were racially harrassed for nine months before we managed to move. It was horrific. The Police, Nottinghamshire, did nothing at all. They said it was our word against his and his equally vile girlfriend. I can't even begin to tell you what it was like.

The top and bottom of it is that it is going to happen to you. I have had people leave soft play centres because their child began to play with mine. Take them off see-saws if mine went on the other side. They are ignorant and tend to be the sort of people who have very few they feel they can look down on. But it doesn't happen often. What happened to us was very bad luck indeed. The other things are rare, but are like a slap in the face every time.

messymissy · 02/06/2009 07:41

This is awful.

I have to say, though, well done to your little one for telling much older children - and a group of them, to stop it. God forbid she has to go through this sort of thing again, but it will help her if she has enough confidence and self esteem to stand up for herself and say stop it.

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