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DD's friend's mother only told me about allergies when she dropped her off at party?

(20 Posts)
BayeauxT Sun 31-May-09 20:53:04

DD's birthday party was yesterday and a mum dropped off her little girl, with a blithe "oh by the way she's allergic to such and such...so you can't have any this and that on the table..." (and then she left). She's had a month to RSVP and tell me - and I would have been happy to accommodate her dietary requirements, but as we had the party at a village hall I couldn't just run home and make her some things she could eat - so the poor girl just had some crisps and grapes for the birthday tea - and I ended up not putting out some stuff in case she got hold of it accidentally... grrrr. Apart from that was a great party but I could have done without the extra stress tbh!

feedthegoat Sun 31-May-09 20:56:47

YANBU. My ds has an egg allergy and I think it is really unfair to do that. I admit he is not at the age where I would leave him at a party alone yet but I also wouldn't dream of dictating what someone could have on the table either. I just supervise what he is eating/touching.

Thunderduck Sun 31-May-09 20:57:35

YANBU.

SamVimesIsMyHero Sun 31-May-09 20:58:06

Rude and irresponsible IMO. Glas your dd had a good party though.

misdee Sun 31-May-09 20:58:27

YANBU

dd1 cant have food colourings, i always add it onto the rsvp.

thisisyesterday Sun 31-May-09 20:59:08

agree yanbu, and it's pretty irresponsible of the mother too IMO.
I am presuming as she was so blase that it isn't a serious allergy!
how very rude

Thunderduck Sun 31-May-09 21:45:07

It was certainly inconsiderate and rude to expect you to change the menu, not serve items that you've made/paid for and cooked.

Plus if her dd has an allergy she endangered her by not telling you until the last minute.

skramble Sun 31-May-09 21:48:37

Don't you just love mothers [shakes head].

I had a mum that told me her child was allergic to colourings (I don't think she meant in the true sense of allergic), so I made him a seperate party bag etc and she had the cheek to pick out the sweets and say oh he can't have those, I said its ok they don't have colourings, she said oh its Ok I will just have them later with a cuppa, argh, this was in front of him.

dilemma456 Sun 31-May-09 22:03:36

Message withdrawn

Thunderduck Sun 31-May-09 22:04:51

The child had a dairy allergy and ate cheese?

babybarrister Sun 31-May-09 22:13:19

as a mother of a child who may die if given certain things YANBU - I very much doubt if the kid did have life threatening allergies as there is no way that you would leave your little darling with someone who did not know until the last minute.

For a start if the allergy is serious presumably the kid has an Epipen which again I would make sure in advance that the hosts knew how to use if I was at the stage of leaving DC....

you sound very tolerant and patient as you actually tried to accommodate said child's "allergies" hmm. Rather better than some of my family members who know all about DS allergies and yet could not be bothered to prepare a fkg jam sandwich without butter so he could also have a mickey mouse sandwich like all the others ....

please remember that amongst all of the kids who have "allergies" there are some who genuinely do and our lives are not helped either by people bollocking on and saying they have allergies when they do not

DesperateHousewifeToo Sun 31-May-09 22:18:46

OP, that is dreadful.

I never let ds go to a party without discussing his allergies first and offering to send food if necessary.

Luckily, since school he is happy to avoid the foods on the table that he is told not to have, so the hosts do not have to avoid things.

I also send his 'allergy pack' and make sure the hosts know where it is, what is in it, etc. Have stayed a couple of times when parents worried.

I agree that it does not sound as though this child had a serious allergy...well, I hope not anyway shock

trixymalixy Sun 31-May-09 22:33:58

YANBU!! How rude and potentially irresponsible of the child's mother.

I can't believe the child has proper allergies either otherwise the mother would have left piriton as a minimum.

dilemma456 Tue 02-Jun-09 09:13:36

Message withdrawn

BalloonSlayer Tue 02-Jun-09 12:42:59

I always stayed with DS1, when he was smaller and brought all his own food so that the party organisers didn't have to worry. (His friends' Mums know the drill now.)

In short I bend over backwards to make sure my child's allergies are never going to inconvenience anyone but us, in the hope that he won't be left out of things.

My sister works somewhere where they have holiday sports activities. A mother dropped off her child, airily mentioning he had allergies and epipens. Had this been notified in advance (as requested) it would have been arranged for someone with epipen training to be present. (This was in the days when it wasn't always part of First Aid, as I believe it is now.) There was no one trained available so the mother was asked if she would stay. She refused. She was then told that unfortunately the child could not stay for the activity as there was no one epipen trained available to accompany him. She made an official complaint, saying that he child had been excluded.

To me, if that child was excluded, it was by the mother's actions, not the sports centre's. Just my opinion smile

babyignoramus Tue 02-Jun-09 12:55:22

YANBU. If it was me I would have informed you in advance. And I'd also have offered to stay if she needs such close supervising (which presumably she does if you can't even have certain foods out).

I think the whole food allergy thing has been blown out of perceived reaction to certain foods constitutes an allergy or intolerance, it undermines those who really do have serious allergies.

TrillianAstra Tue 02-Jun-09 12:59:42

YANBU - if the child has a real allergy she should hve told you before and she is putting her DD in danger by dropping her places with so little info. If it's not, and she just doesn't want her DD to eat certain things, she should have told you in advance and not called it an allergy

neolara Tue 02-Jun-09 13:01:29

One of my nephews has a serious nut allergy. The consultant advised my SIL (his mum) to seriously consider not telling his friends' parents about this allergy because in her experience doing so risks the child being socially isolated and not being invited to playdates / parties.

babybarrister Tue 02-Jun-09 16:01:15

so agree with babyignoramus - most "allergies" simply are not ....

babybarrister Tue 02-Jun-09 16:01:17

so agree with babyignoramus - most "allergies" simply are not ....

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