In-laws having put DD down slide

[pamelat]

Some context.

DD 16 months.

In laws are good grandparents, nice people. On Friday night they had DD for us for the night, lucky I know.

I dropped her off 5pm.

Normally bath and bed not long after 6pm but in an attempt to be mellow/flexible/reasonable I said that as long as she was in bed by 730pm they could do whatever, their shift etc etc.

They took DD to the pub at 6pm to meet some friends. Fine with this.

Next to pub is a park, more for older children really. Previously on this park FIL had said "oh lets send DD down the slide" and I had said no, its too grown up.

She goes down slides quite happily but this was really high and helter skelter style so less control coming down, IMO.

Today we visit them and he takes her to the top. At this point, MIL said "she didn't like it on Friday" and tells me how FIL had climbed to the top and sent her down it and she had cried because it was "steeper than they expected" !!!! Its bloody high.

I didnt say anything as dont want to upset relations etc but I feel miffed that

1. they had clearly done something which only weeks before I had asked them not to.
   
   
2. IMO they had put her in danger, not intentionally of course as they love her.
   
   
3. FIL was clearly trying to repeat it again today when he knew DD had not enjoyed it Friday.
   
   So, AIBU?

[pamelat]

and DD is a "brave" toddler so she would only cry if really scared. She happily launches herself off toddler slides.

[violethill]

YANBU.

FIL needs to go on the helter skelter himself - he's clearly living out his own desires through his grandchild!

[YeahBut]

YAB a bit U. She's not made of glass and won't break.
Her grandparents love her and take good care of her so don't ruin a good thing by getting huffy about a non-event.

[pamelat]

Thanks both for different views.

What do you think about FIL trying to do it again today? She was crying at the top which is why I even noticed (was chatting to MIL). She hardly ever cries about things like that, she is normally fearless!!!

[pamelat]

also, I worry that if she panics and scrambles, could she then go over the edge?

[willowthewispa]

I'd tell him not too - she obviously doesn't like it.

You have to stick up for your DD, but at the same time it's not something you want to fight over.

[LovelyTinOfSpam]

I don't think they should be shooting her down slides meant for much older children if she clearly doesn't like it, no.

Looks like your MIL was trying to point that out to her husband though so hopefully she will put a stop to it? Maybe have a quiet word with her?

[CurryMaid]

Not sure really. Those very, very steep slides you see in parks terrify me and there's no way I'd let a child that small on one.

[EllieG]

I'd have a quiet word with your MIL (if you get on well) and explain a bit, you can always say 'Look, is probably me being a bit over protective but....etc'. I don't think you ABU, I would feel the same, but you need to handle gently as he meant well. Just make sure doesn't happen again, but with minimum of hurt feelings/embarrassment and you don't want them to never want to babysit

[scottishmummy]

think you are slightly overstating your angst and their actions

overall you say they are good GP.so just a wee word.nothing too severe

also accept GP always do different stuff than parents want.and no amount of instructions or requests will change that.sometimes can be contrary or just think "ach it'll no kill ye".

[pamelat]

I think MIL knew that I was uncomfortable with it and clearly DD was too so hopefully she will stop FIL in future.

Its difficult as potentially (IMO) its dangerous but they/he are meaning well.

[pamelat]

Yep not the end of the world etc etc. I was just really surprised that he was doing something today which had upset her only 2 days ago, and was causing the upset again.

Like I say, nice guy though.

They are both teachers so "should know better"?!

[scottishmummy]

they are more likely to modify behaviour when they see dd upset

[OrmIrian]

FIL doing it again is the only bit that would upset me TBH.

[scottishmummy]

i know for a fact gran ignores allsome of my preference/requests when out with wee one

[Longtalljosie]

YANBU. You are her parent. You had already said in your view that slide was too steep for her.

To do it when your back was turned is wrong. To do it again, when she'd hated it before, is wrong.

I'm sure they're lovely people, but on that occasion, they were out of order.

[pointydog]

You are over-reacting but it's natural. Stay calm, tell them you'd rather she didn't go down the slide.

[ReneRusso]

YANBU - and a subtle word would be in order.
My ILs ignore all of my requests about my DCs especially about letting them stuff their faces 24/7 with cakes sweets and slump in front of the tv all day. They seem to think it is their divine right to do whatever they like because they are helping me out by looking after them. Up to the point where i would prefer they didn't go and stay anymore. which is a shame for everyone.

[suwoo]

Both of mine went down the really high slides at the park on their own from that sort of age. When I say 'alone' I climbed the steps behind them and then when they were at the top, ran around to the bottom to catch them.

But that was my choice and my risk assesment. I would have been fuming had my MIL done the same

[ponynuts]

It's a bit trivial, and I know you wouldn't want your DD to get hurt, but nor would her grandparents. They would never intentionally do something to harm her. Parents are often just a bit over-protective these days. Loosen up. Have some fun!

[slushy06]

I cant judge on the slide as I have not seen it. However whether you are being silly about the slide or not dosn't matter YOU are her MOTHER YOU decide what is and is not right for her. You said you didn't want her to go down the slide and I don't think they had any right to go against your wishes. It is not their place to say what is and is not ok for your dd. Although evidently you were right and your dd was afraid of the slide. I would not make a big deal as it would seem mil will put a stop to it, but I would watch to make sure that your wishes regarding your dd are not repeatedly brushed aside.

[WinkyWinkola]

YANBU. Your PIL should listen to your DD. If she's not happy about such games then she shouldn't be forced. Have a chat about it.

[Lancelottie]

I'd try something along the lines of 'She's a bit young for it yet. It'd be a shame to put her off it now and have her scared of it for ages.'

But my kids are NOT brave anyway!

[WinkyWinkola]

It's a strong sense of self preservation kicking in, not a lack of bravery!

[maria1665]

Do they normally abide by your boundaries re the children - or this the latest of them ignoring your dictats.

My mum takes a particular delight in scoffing at all my 'ridiculous' whims re children. These have included breastfeeding, no fruit drinks in bottles, not swearing in front of them - that sort of thing!