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To insist that DD plays with this girl?

(16 Posts)
muggglewump Sat 30-May-09 18:48:15

I live on an estate, very safe in my bit, no road outside and it's the kind of street where the kids are out really young and we all watch out for them. There's an open door policy too.

Anyway, a new family moved in a few months back with a DD the same age as mine (7).
She's a lovely girl but she has less freedom than DD. She's not allowed to go on any of the trampolines (I don't have one, but plenty of the neighbours do), she's not allowed over the road or to the parks (by parks I mean wee playgrounds).
She is an only, like DD so I think it's good for them to play together as most of the other kids in the street not only have siblings, but are also all related! It can be hard for DD when a squabble occurs which, let's face it, will happen often with kids that age. They all stick up for each other, and DD comes home crying.

Anyway, DD is beginning to get annoyed that I won't let her go to the park, or the grassy bit over the road, or the woods (my house backs onto the woods), because I don't want this wee girl to be left on her own.

It's not like she can never go, I just don't want to see this girl left on her own as I know DD can often be left on her own, being an only too.

I have gone with them a few times, so the other girl can come too, but I can't do it every time.

Opinions/ideas please smile

OrmIrian Sat 30-May-09 18:50:51

I think yabu but very nice to be so concerned for her. You have to allow your DD to do what she wished (as far as you think is acceptable). The happiness of the other girl isn't your of your DD's affair I'm afraid.

nametaken Sat 30-May-09 18:54:03

Yes, let your DD do her own thing. She can play with the other girl other times, or at times when you can accompany them.

hercules1 Sat 30-May-09 18:56:42

Aww, sweet but I do think you are being unreasonable. Hopefully her parents will come round when they realise their dd is missing out.

kittywise Sat 30-May-09 18:59:10

if you force you dd and restrict in this way there is no way she will want to be 'friends' with this girl. she will resent her and see her as the person responsible the restrictions you have imposed on her.

you are asking for trouble, honestly.

messymissy Sat 30-May-09 18:59:13

Maybe if you do let your dd have the freedom and fun she wants and the other parents see she is ok and enjoying herself then they may let their dd join in - or invite the other mum to come too so she sees it is ok, and has you as company too.

ginormoboobs Sat 30-May-09 19:06:57

YABU. Maybe seeing that all of the other children are out having fun while their DD is stuck in the garden might make them realise she needs a little freedom.
It's a very nice thing you are trying to do

Thunderduck Sat 30-May-09 19:07:15

YABU. I know your intentions are good but if you try to force a friendship your dd will begin to resent her.

muggglewump Sat 30-May-09 19:12:52

It's been about two months now, since the nights have got lighter at least, and the other parents (I think it might just be a Mum, I've not seen the Dad), still won't let her go with the others.
The other Mum has gone a few times too but still obviously won't let go.

I feel so bad for the wee girl though as she looks so sad when she's left alone and comes to ask me when DD will be back to play.

Another family moved in recently and they don't speak good english and neither does their DD (age 8) but she is allowed to go with them. DD said to me that Laura can't speak much but she loves to play!
The kids have welcomed her with open arms.
(She does seem a wee bit shy and I think DD means her english isn't fluent).

I know I probably am BU but I just feel so bad for the other girl, especially as DD can often be left out. sad I thought it might be good to get them to pal up.

muggglewump Sat 30-May-09 19:20:12

I fear that came across badly.
What I meant was, even if the parents, or child couldn't communicate well they saw the spirit of the street and went with it.

This Mum seems not to be, and I can't help but feel sorry for the girl, she really is lovely and DD loves playing with her. She wants her freedom more though, and to join the other kids.

Fairynufff Sat 30-May-09 19:28:00

I feel sorry for the parents of the other girl tbh - I don't let my kids on trampolines (heard of tooo many bad accidents)and I think 7 is too young to be allowed over roads and in parks by themselves. Nowhere is 100% safe - look at the Sarah Payne case...

As parents, I bet they are tearing their hair out at the peer pressure their daughter is under.

You should let your dd do what you think is right and respect other peoples' values. If that were my dd I would rather she be left out and was safer than take risks I wasn't ready for just because of other people in the street.

HappyMummyOfOne Sat 30-May-09 20:05:37

I wouldn't let a 7 year old cross roads to go to the park either and would hate to feel pressured from other parents to do so.

atworknotworking Sat 30-May-09 20:33:32

I think 7 is too young to be going out and about alone or with a group of children of a similar age, no matter how safe hmm a place appears.

Agree with others that your DD will feel a bit put out that the rules have changed just because of this new child. Their could be a very valid reason why mum won't let DD out without an adult, why don't you pop in and have a chat with the family, mum may relax a little more if she knows that plenty of people are looking out for the kids, and give DD a little more choice.

I think you have a big heart to be so thoughful of this little girl smile

MuggglerosFlatley Sat 30-May-09 20:42:32

That's me told!
Reallt, it is very safe, there's so many parents around, even at the parks I mention. There's houses backing on to them and both that I allow DD to are a two minute walk away.
They are across the road but at the crossing point you can see far in each direction so it's very easy to cross.

I really don't want to put pressure on the Mum so I won't go to see her, she will know how it works by now and clearly won't let her DD join in.

I still feel bad for her though and I hate when DD wants to go somewhere she's not allowed and she is left alone.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Sun 31-May-09 11:32:46

I had a similar sitaution as a child and my mum imposed some rules in it.
For exmple if I was playing in the garden, or had the friend in the house and someone else came to the door and ask me to go to the park or their house I wasn't allowed to go as I had made a commitment and play date to the friend that wasn't allowed to go to the park if that makes sense. I also wouldn't have been allowed to just abandon the friend to go off to the park ad hoc if that makes sense if I was playing with someone my mum thought it rude and not very nice.

So how about something like that? If she is already playing with the girl she is not allowed to go but can possibly go out later after lunch/dinner whatever and then the other girl isn't so abandoned in the middle of a game.

MuggglerosFlatley Sun 31-May-09 11:53:06

Yes, I think that's a fair way to do it Ineedacleaner. I know I'll still feel bad for the girl left on her own but it's not fair of me to stop DD going where she always has.
I'm perfectly happy with her being over the road and I can check on her wherever she is just by walking to the end of the street and if I can't see her, one of the other parents can.

I am very lucky to live in an area where it's safe to give DD lots of freedom, it's just a shame for this little girl that her Mum won't let her join in yet.

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