Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2

AIBU?

To expect DH to say thank you when I cook him a meal?

35 replies

NorkyButNice · 30/05/2009 14:21

Maybe IABU, so feel free to set me straight, but this is something that really annoys me!

Anytime someone prepares me a meal I'll say thank you, as it's good manners (surely?). If the food is nice, I'll pass positive comments too...

DH sits down at the table, wolfs down his plateful so fast he can barely taste it, and neither says thank you or that it's nice (or not). I'm so sick of it now (I do all the cooking here) that I'll ask him every time whether there was something wrong with it, since he didn't express any thanks or enjoyment.

Each time he apologizes but never remembers for the next meal. So AIBU? Or is this basic manners?

OP posts:

Report

BecauseImWorthIt · 30/05/2009 14:22

YANBU at all! Of course it's basic manners.

Why not go on strike? Or just cook for yourself?

juneybean · 30/05/2009 14:23

Next time put a frozen ready meal in front of him and say you know where the microwave is.

YABU, it's just rude!

OrmIrian · 30/05/2009 14:23

You are right. It is basic good manners. Food doesn't magically appear out of nowhere -someone (you had to make the effort.

3littlefrogs · 30/05/2009 14:23

It is not nice being taken for granted. My dh and dcs do say thank you for meals and I appreciate it. So, no YANBU.

juneybean · 30/05/2009 14:23

Sorry I meant YANBU

Poledra · 30/05/2009 14:26

YANBU - even if it's not the actual words thank you, I expect some show of appreciation (DH usually goes for 'That was nice' or something along those lines).

NorkyButNice · 30/05/2009 14:29

Thank you!

I was beginning to wonder if I was expecting too much. It's a poor show when your 20 month old has better manners than your husband...

Agree Poledra, just some appreciation of the effort and culinary skills would be an improvement.

OP posts:

amberlight · 30/05/2009 14:30

I taught ds to say thank you for something by refusing to let go of the plate/drink etc until he did.

I wonder what your dh would do if you went to put the food down, but instead simply stood there quietly and patiently holding onto the plate until he'd learned to say thank you? Not the same thing as him actually thinking to do it himself, but if it's a bad habit, maybe it would shock him out of it? YANBU at all.

MissSunny · 30/05/2009 15:46

Message withdrawn

barnsleybelle · 30/05/2009 15:59

Stop cooking for him and he'll soon get the idea.. that would be my plan.

3littlefrogs · 30/05/2009 16:29

It is also about respect, isn't it? Showing appreciation for something that someone does for you is a sign that you treat that person as your equal, not a servant.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 30/05/2009 16:34

No, not unreasonable at all (am assuming you always thank him for the things he does)

sweetnitanitro · 30/05/2009 16:48

YANBU. Perhaps he never got into the habit of saying thanks for meals when he was a kid. Should be easy enough to get him into the habit if you 'forget' to cook enough for both of you a couple of times

Heated · 30/05/2009 16:52

YANBU.

For dinner serve: Plate. Tin of beans. Tin opener with "No, that's quite all right, no thanks necessary"

NorkyButNice · 30/05/2009 16:56

I suppose the things he does around the house aren't such an obvious trading of "service" (ie handing over a plate of food should be rewarded with thanks).

We have a cleaner and I handle most of the laundry, so there's not much else to be done around the house, but if he does do something useful (DIY etc) then yes I do say thanks!

OP posts:

FabulousBakerGirl · 30/05/2009 17:01

It annoys me more he shovels down his food in seconds than the fact he can't be arsed to say thank you.

Basic manners.

I wouldn't cook for him tonight or I would give him a warning that if he can't show appreciation for what you do, then you won't be doing it.

monkeypinkmonkey · 30/05/2009 17:05

YANBU!! I agree make sure you and your DC have eaten then when he asks whats for tea say 'oh we've eaten'.
Amberlight- I used to work in a restaurant and when a customer asked for something without saying please, I (as I was teaching manners to ds at time)said... say please!
she did say please very embarassedly!!!

Morloth · 30/05/2009 17:07

Don't put the plate down, hand it to him and don't let go until he says thank you.

blueshoes · 30/05/2009 17:08

Would not bother me. I cook about 70% of dinners, dh the rest. I don't think we consciously say 'thank you' to the cook, although I do like some feedback from dh, hopefully positive, otherwise negative is good too, so I can improve.

I would however like him to help like setting the table and taking the dishes out and washing up. Agree that the wolfing down with nothing said is annoying. My last aupair did that and it did strike me as rather rude.

I suppose I see cooking as just another thing to do around the house, which either of us takes turns to do. Does not require a formal thank you. I won't thank him for taking out the rubbish.

HuffwardlyRudge · 30/05/2009 17:15

Of course YANBU. Dh always says thank you for a delicious meal and insists that the children thank me too before leaving the table.

nametaken · 30/05/2009 17:30

YABU - do you say thank you to your dh when he comes in from work every day?

bubblagirl · 30/05/2009 17:40

i thought this once dp works i'm sahm i dont thank him for all the bills he pays i wonder if he feels undervalued

i do when i think say i really appreciate you darling why not just say light heartedly do you have anything to say for your wonderful meal darling

i think it can go both ways really no one likes to feel there not appreciated i make a point of giving dp big kiss when he gets home and when i give him dinner giving him a kiss again its kind of a ritual now maybe no thank you's but a big kiss i prefer the kiss lol

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

helsbels4 · 30/05/2009 17:50

I can honestly say I don't understand this thinking of whether you thank your dh for going to work! Wtf? I am a stay at home mum. I am not a stay at home dogsbody that does everything around the house without a thank-you. It is basic manners.

Does he thank the waitress/waiter when he brings your food at a restaurant?

BalloonSlayer · 30/05/2009 17:52

At the end of the meal DH always says "Thank you that was nice" or "Thank you that was lovely." I tease him sometimes saying "Oh, was it only nice, not lovely? Shall I not bother making this one again?"

Mind you it does annoy me that he grates pepper all over everything before he has tasted it. I have sometimes contemplated making a Cruella De Ville style meal, tasting totally pepper, to teach him a lesson.

He says he likes a sprinkle of pepper on top of his food, no matter what it is

readyfornumber2and3 · 30/05/2009 18:07

I had this with DP for a while and got so sick of "reminding" him to be polite that I went on strike and refused to cook for him anymore.

By the end of the week he was very quick at telling me which meals I cooked were his favourites and how much he enjoyed them lol
He now thanks me for every meal

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.