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To expect DH to say thank you when I cook him a meal?

(36 Posts)
NorkyButNice Sat 30-May-09 14:21:08

Maybe IABU, so feel free to set me straight, but this is something that really annoys me!

Anytime someone prepares me a meal I'll say thank you, as it's good manners (surely?). If the food is nice, I'll pass positive comments too...

DH sits down at the table, wolfs down his plateful so fast he can barely taste it, and neither says thank you or that it's nice (or not). I'm so sick of it now (I do all the cooking here) that I'll ask him every time whether there was something wrong with it, since he didn't express any thanks or enjoyment.

Each time he apologizes but never remembers for the next meal. So AIBU? Or is this basic manners?

BecauseImWorthIt Sat 30-May-09 14:22:59

YANBU at all! Of course it's basic manners.

Why not go on strike? Or just cook for yourself?

juneybean Sat 30-May-09 14:23:23

Next time put a frozen ready meal in front of him and say you know where the microwave is.

YABU, it's just rude!

OrmIrian Sat 30-May-09 14:23:33

You are right. It is basic good manners. Food doesn't magically appear out of nowhere -someone (you had to make the effort.

3littlefrogs Sat 30-May-09 14:23:34

It is not nice being taken for granted. My dh and dcs do say thank you for meals and I appreciate it. So, no YANBU.

juneybean Sat 30-May-09 14:23:40

Sorry I meant YANBU

Poledra Sat 30-May-09 14:26:15

YANBU - even if it's not the actual words thank you, I expect some show of appreciation (DH usually goes for 'That was nice' or something along those lines).

NorkyButNice Sat 30-May-09 14:29:36

Thank you!

I was beginning to wonder if I was expecting too much. It's a poor show when your 20 month old has better manners than your husband...

Agree Poledra, just some appreciation of the effort and culinary skills would be an improvement.

amberlight Sat 30-May-09 14:30:44

I taught ds to say thank you for something by refusing to let go of the plate/drink etc until he did.

I wonder what your dh would do if you went to put the food down, but instead simply stood there quietly and patiently holding onto the plate until he'd learned to say thank you? Not the same thing as him actually thinking to do it himself, but if it's a bad habit, maybe it would shock him out of it? YANBU at all.

MissSunny Sat 30-May-09 15:46:08

Message withdrawn

barnsleybelle Sat 30-May-09 15:59:51

Stop cooking for him and he'll soon get the idea.. that would be my plan. grin

3littlefrogs Sat 30-May-09 16:29:34

It is also about respect, isn't it? Showing appreciation for something that someone does for you is a sign that you treat that person as your equal, not a servant.

HecatesTwopenceworth Sat 30-May-09 16:34:15

No, not unreasonable at all (am assuming you always thank him for the things he does)

sweetnitanitro Sat 30-May-09 16:48:13

YANBU. Perhaps he never got into the habit of saying thanks for meals when he was a kid. Should be easy enough to get him into the habit if you 'forget' to cook enough for both of you a couple of times grin

Heated Sat 30-May-09 16:52:57


For dinner serve: Plate. Tin of beans. Tin opener with "No, that's quite all right, no thanks necessary"

NorkyButNice Sat 30-May-09 16:56:48

I suppose the things he does around the house aren't such an obvious trading of "service" (ie handing over a plate of food should be rewarded with thanks).

We have a cleaner and I handle most of the laundry, so there's not much else to be done around the house, but if he does do something useful (DIY etc) then yes I do say thanks!

FabulousBakerGirl Sat 30-May-09 17:01:50

It annoys me more he shovels down his food in seconds than the fact he can't be arsed to say thank you.

Basic manners.

I wouldn't cook for him tonight or I would give him a warning that if he can't show appreciation for what you do, then you won't be doing it.

monkeypinkmonkey Sat 30-May-09 17:05:40

YANBU!! I agree make sure you and your DC have eaten then when he asks whats for tea say 'oh we've eaten'.
Amberlight- I used to work in a restaurant and when a customer asked for something without saying please, I (as I was teaching manners to ds at time)said... say please!
grin she did say please very embarassedly!!!

Morloth Sat 30-May-09 17:07:52

Don't put the plate down, hand it to him and don't let go until he says thank you.

blueshoes Sat 30-May-09 17:08:18

Would not bother me. I cook about 70% of dinners, dh the rest. I don't think we consciously say 'thank you' to the cook, although I do like some feedback from dh, hopefully positive, otherwise negative is good too, so I can improve.

I would however like him to help like setting the table and taking the dishes out and washing up. Agree that the wolfing down with nothing said is annoying. My last aupair did that and it did strike me as rather rude.

I suppose I see cooking as just another thing to do around the house, which either of us takes turns to do. Does not require a formal thank you. I won't thank him for taking out the rubbish.

HuffwardlyRudge Sat 30-May-09 17:15:30

Of course YANBU. Dh always says thank you for a delicious meal and insists that the children thank me too before leaving the table.

nametaken Sat 30-May-09 17:30:37

YABU - do you say thank you to your dh when he comes in from work every day?

bubblagirl Sat 30-May-09 17:40:31

i thought this once dp works i'm sahm i dont thank him for all the bills he pays i wonder if he feels undervalued

i do when i think say i really appreciate you darling why not just say light heartedly do you have anything to say for your wonderful meal darling

i think it can go both ways really no one likes to feel there not appreciated i make a point of giving dp big kiss when he gets home and when i give him dinner giving him a kiss again its kind of a ritual now maybe no thank you's but a big kiss i prefer the kiss lol

helsbels4 Sat 30-May-09 17:50:06

I can honestly say I don't understand this thinking of whether you thank your dh for going to work! Wtf? I am a stay at home mum. I am not a stay at home dogsbody that does everything around the house without a thank-you. It is basic manners.

Does he thank the waitress/waiter when he brings your food at a restaurant?

BalloonSlayer Sat 30-May-09 17:52:02

At the end of the meal DH always says "Thank you that was nice" or "Thank you that was lovely." I tease him sometimes saying "Oh, was it only nice, not lovely? Shall I not bother making this one again?"

Mind you it does annoy me that he grates pepper all over everything before he has tasted it. I have sometimes contemplated making a Cruella De Ville style meal, tasting totally pepper, to teach him a lesson.

He says he likes a sprinkle of pepper on top of his food, no matter what it is hmm

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