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AIBU - to visit my parents house more often than I do the INLAWS?

(22 Posts)
cheekster Fri 29-May-09 16:05:42

I probably am BU, but Im sure this is the case for most people. I feel much more at ease when I go to my parents house and they help out more with DS. So yes, I do visit my mums more often (probably about 3-4 times a week)

The INLAWS started the whole debate that my mum gets to see DS more than they do. Please tell me that this is the norm. The INLAWS still see DS twice a week so TBH, I cant see why they can complain really.


Jonut Fri 29-May-09 16:08:58

I don't think so. presumably they know where you live, is there any reason why they can't come to yours to see DS? Or if he's old enough/you're happy for them to, take him out for day/couple of hours?

Overmydeadbody Fri 29-May-09 16:10:29


ChocolateRabbit Fri 29-May-09 16:10:31

No YANBU. How old is your DS? I'm guessing from your post that he is very much a baby so your ILs are still getting used to the whole thing. Also, if you start to go out to mother and baby groups or meet up with friends, the whole arrangement will change anyway so they might as well make the most of the time now.

Can your DH gently point this out to them?

HumphreyCobbler Fri 29-May-09 16:10:50

It shouldn't be a comptetition.

Are you ever at home? Four visits to your parents and two to your in-laws sounds like loads of time out of your house!

I don't think it is necessarily normal to see one lot more than the other if you all live near each other.

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 29-May-09 16:11:32

Message withdrawn

cheekster Fri 29-May-09 16:12:03

No, theres no reason why they cant visit us. FIL drives and has a car and we dont live far away either. Infact I have tried to encourage this but since he was born (hes 10 mo) they have only visited about 4 or 5 times.

Its always us who have to visit them

HolyGuacamole Fri 29-May-09 16:12:21

To be fair, they both seem to see your DS a lot. I don't really think you're being unreasonable, it'd be different if your inlaws never seen him or seen him once a month or something. Maybe your DH could take him round on his own and also they could come to yours.

You can't please all of the people all of the time.

SouthMum Fri 29-May-09 16:14:38

YANBU - its normal for maternal grandparents to see more of their grandchildren. Just one of those facts of life....

cheekster Fri 29-May-09 16:16:54

I agree HUMPHREYCOBBLER - we try to do the visits on the same day so that I do get to have some time at home.

screamingabdab Fri 29-May-09 16:17:04

YANBU, and I'm sure it is the case for most people (assuming they have a good relationship with their parents).

It does make me a feel a bit sad TBH, as the mother of boys, that I might possibly not have as much to do with the grandchildren, but I hope, unlike your in-laws, I would not get stressed and competitive about it (at least not in public),because that's running the risk of alienating your DIL.

And if my time on MN has taught me anything, it's that you don't want to do that wink

Jonut Fri 29-May-09 16:21:43

My kids only see any of their grandparents if I take them to see them. I don't drive whilst my father and DP's parents do yet they probably only take them out once a year and my father never does, he expects me to catch 2 busses with 3 kids and implies t
hat I'm lazy if I don't yet it's obviously too difficult for him to jump in his car and make a 15min journey!!

LovelyTinOfSpam Fri 29-May-09 16:27:21

Both sets of GPs live in 15 min walk for us.

I take DD to see my parents stacks, sometimes think I ought to take her to see in-laws but really it's not the same so I don't.

To balance though, when DH has DD when i am at work he always takes her.

Maybe give your OH more childcare duties at weekend and you can have a nice rest and everyone will be happy!

CheerfulYank Fri 29-May-09 16:29:27

I agree with SouthMum in that maternal grandparents usually see the kiddos more. I feel bad for my ILs because their two sons have kids and their two daughters have chosen not to thus far. My ILs are probably the exception to this rule b/c they are a 15 minute drive away whereas it takes 5 hours to get to my parents. ILs see my DS every week (usually more than once) and my parents see DS about twice a month.

It's sounds like everyone's getting lots of time with your LO though, so no big deal.

screamingabdab Fri 29-May-09 16:29:58

LovelyTin I agree, because at the end of the day, it's about the in laws forming a relationship with their grandchildren.

MummyDragon Sat 30-May-09 11:58:28

From what you've said in your original post, both sets of grandparents see their grandchildren very regularly. Don't get drawn into a competition about who sees them the most. I'm sure you have bigger things to worry about! smile

Mulanmum1 Sat 30-May-09 14:43:45

I don't think OP is BU because both sets of grandparents see her DS frequently.

However, mothers of sons - ask yourself how you'll feel if your DIL treats you like a lesser grandparent to your son's kids sad

barnsleybelle Sat 30-May-09 14:48:42


VictorianSqualor Sat 30-May-09 14:51:25

Mulanmum there is a difference between being a 'lesser' grandparent and being visited less often.

Mulanmum1 Sat 30-May-09 16:17:47

You've no doubt been on MN long enough, Vic, to know that many of the mums on here view their ILs as lesser GPs than their own parents. Sad but true.

sayithowitis Sat 30-May-09 18:49:26

YANBU, however, as Mulanmum says, how are you going to feel in 25 or so years time, when DS's wife/partner says the same about you?

messymissy Sat 30-May-09 18:54:45

oh cheekster - welcome to my world!!

I think its the most natural thing in the world that as mums we visit our own mums more often, i hate that it is seen as some sort of favoritism by the inlaws who gripe and moan. Its just life.

Easier said than done mummydragon - not getting drawn into a competition, i stay well clear of it but dp gripes and moans every time. Its got to the stage I cant say if I have seen my mum now as he reports to his mum and the moaning starts. BTW i do see them but not as often it does not make them lesser but they are not my parents. DP doesn;t see them either, just moans that I dont go round often enough.... did i mention THEY ARE NOT MY PARENTS!!!!!!

glad that's off my chest ...

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