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to think that mothering is completely different for people whose babies sleep

(218 Posts)
tinierclanger Tue 26-May-09 10:50:22

I know we're very lucky really, I have friends whose babies are ill, or have had bad reflux, and some who have split up with their partners.

But I still can't help thinking that those people I know who seem so sunny about the whole thing all the time, it's because they have babies who have slept through from a very young age. I love DS and we have great times together, but I think I would be loving it even more, and finding things so much easier, if he had been sleeping through. I feel quite divided from the sleeping-through mummies, like they have no understanding at all of what it's like to be permanently chasing sleep, and feeling guilty about feeding in the middle of the night.

AIBU really?

TheCrackFox Tue 26-May-09 10:54:49


DS1 was a horrific sleeper. Woke 5 times a night until he was 3.5 yrs. We tried everything and TBH he nearly broke me. I couldn't understand how anybody enjoyed the baby stage. (he was a lovely toddler so not all bad)

DS2 was a dream baby and slept through the night from 5 weeks. He also had long luxurious naps during the day too. Bliss. I was in a lovely maternal fog for a year.

Unless someone has suffered extreme sleep deprivation they can have no idea just how damaging it is.

I can pretty much cope with anything after a good nights sleep.

Flame Tue 26-May-09 10:58:49

Nope, mothering was much more different with DD. She didn't sleep in the day which seemed hard, but she did sleep at night.

But she was harder personality-wise which brought its own problems

Now onto a 3yr old DS who still appears in our bed to kick hell out of us most night.

I miss sleep. I would be a much nicer human being and mother if he slept through.

RumourOfAHurricane Tue 26-May-09 10:59:27

Message withdrawn

sheepgomeep Tue 26-May-09 11:02:13

I bet many of these mums with babies that 'sleep through' actually don't or its exaggerated how long they actually sleep.

I have a friend whose dd is the same age as my dd and when they were both between 2 months and 7 months would gleefully tell me everyday that her baby was a brill sleeper and laugh at me when I told her about non sleeping dd2

I have the last laugh now as my 2 yr old dd2 is a reasonable sleeper (although in our bed a lot) and my friends dd has horrendous sleep problems.

How old is your ds? I totally understand how you feel. I have 3 dc and have had sleep issues with all of them in the past.

TheCrackFox Tue 26-May-09 11:02:58

It is not an urban myth as every f**cker around us had babies who slept like logs.

My sister had a baby who slept 12 hours at night and then 2 two hour naps. envy
She got loads done very day like redecorating rooms etc. I was a snivelling heap stuck in my dressing gown all day.

(yes I did laugh when the same baby turned into to toddler from hell who would have hour long tantrums.)

vodkaandcoke Tue 26-May-09 11:05:12

YANBU. I totally agree.
I have a 3 and a half year old who has only just started sleeping through some nights and I have an 18 month old daughter who is up loads in the night so I am generally crabby with them some of the time as I'm so bloody tired all the time.
I tend to just ignore the mums who say their kids slept through from so many weeks old and say to myself they're probably lying!!

sheepgomeep Tue 26-May-09 11:06:49

some nights with dd2 though are bad, she can be up for hours in the night at times. 2 hours a sleep a night at times angry

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Tue 26-May-09 11:07:23

Message withdrawn

TrinityRhino Tue 26-May-09 11:07:42

its not an urban myth
I know of babies that do
just none of my three

Divvy Tue 26-May-09 11:09:07

My now 10 month old, slept through from 3 weeks old, till he was 5 months old. Looking back my life changed at that point. It was a breeze for 5 months but since then its been bloody hard work!

Life is good when I get some sleep!

PuppyMonkey Tue 26-May-09 11:09:23

No, definitely definitely not an urban myth. DD1 was a sleeper through the night from 6months and had two 2-hour naps during the day too. I never really appreciated it at the time though. She was my first so I just thought that's what babies did. I still got generally quite stressed about the whole parenthood thing.

Now I've got dd2, who whilst not being the worst sleeper in the world is a little eratic to say the least. I am certainly a lot more stressed now.

sheepgomeep Tue 26-May-09 11:11:14

My ds did sleep through from 12 weeks to 9 months though from 7 till 7 and I was smug about it and he was my 1st.

Boy did I pay for my smugness blush. He was hell between 9 months and 3 years and then dd1 came along.....

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doodle2U Tue 26-May-09 11:12:34

I need a lot of sleep - that's just how I am. I don't function with out it.

My DH doesn't - he's like an advert for Kelloggs...all sunny & bright after just a few hours.

So he breezed it and I fell apart.

I think it's less to do with the baby & more to do with how you are with/without sleep.

Both mine were 'not too bad' in the sleep department (we had other things to contend with though) and still, that night feed(s) nearly broke me!

BTW, beware the phrase "My baby sleeps through the night!"....their definition of through the night and your definition of it, will be poles apart.

alicecrail Tue 26-May-09 11:12:41

My DD is a really good sleeper and i really love being a mother. But the first week was really awful as she didn't sleep at all unless held. I remember thinking that if this carries on, i will end up killing someone!!! grin So i totally agree with you op, Being a mother is a lot easier if your child sleeps. I'm sure the next one will be a complete nightmare to balance things out again grin

vodkaandcoke Tue 26-May-09 11:13:06

I honestly have no idea where I went wrong with my two as I havent had a decent nights sleep in over 3 years. I do think in the end though your body just gets used to it.

Doodle2U Tue 26-May-09 11:13:18

Hello MMJ!

cestlavie Tue 26-May-09 11:13:26

I think mothering (or, um, parenting) is completely different depending on lots of things. Sleep is certainly one. But I'd also certainly add eating to that.

DD1 is a fantastic kid who slept okay but every single meal time was (acutally kind of still is to an extent) a struggle and days would go by where all she'd eat would be several pots of petit filous. DD2 on the other hand, will eat anything and everything and I can't tell you how much more blissful an existence it is.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madameovary Tue 26-May-09 11:13:50

I'm with Reality on this.
DD wakes quite a few times every night, althought last night she slept from 9-2 and I was in heaven!
Mind you DD has a sunny nature and I no longer have to put up my horrid ex and his moods and manipulations, so lack of sleep isn't a big deal really.
I suppose that it also depends on what other challenges you have to deal with and what supports you have.

squilly Tue 26-May-09 11:15:02

YANBU. I had a sleeper from 6 weeks old (sorry...not meaning to be smug, but it's not a myth) and parenting was definitely easier.

When we had sleepless nights, on very odd occasions, I felt like crap and was a bear with a sore head. I can't even imagine what it must be like to live with that day in and day out, though I have friends who deal with it or have dealt with it.

I hope you manage to get a good 8 hours soon!

TheCrackFox Tue 26-May-09 11:15:15

Cestlavie - Ds1 didn't sleep or eat. (lucky me, eh?)

Not eating is easier to deal with that not sleeping.

vodkaandcoke Tue 26-May-09 11:17:09

Mine dont sleep and are also crap eaters so I really went wrong somewhere!! Oh well at least they're happy kids.

ssd Tue 26-May-09 11:17:46


you can always tell mums who get a good sleep, they are the ones with make up on and without the harrassed air permanently!

also you can tell parents who have "granny" help, they are the ones with haircuts regularly and time with their partners without the kids

unfortunately I'm neither!

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