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To be upset hurt and annoyed with my so called best friend **Warning*** its long

(65 Posts)
pingping Thu 21-May-09 12:29:48

Basically My BF is getting married in the next few weeks she asked me to be her maid of honour months back when she found out about the surprise wedding ( I was in on the surprise)
Anyways at the time she was not speaking to a family member and barely in contact with friend (A) So as people found out about the wedding they have all got back into contact and she then said to Family member and Friend (a) she wants them as Bridesmaids fair enough.
So we started filming for the wedding and the lead upto it everything was great then out of the blue a week before the wedding so called Best friend texts me and says Your no longer a bridesmaid as I have to many and we have to keep in with a £12k budget so I dropped you and Friend (c) hope theres no hard feelings etc. Of course I was hurt that out of all her Bridesmaids she picked me. Not spoken to Friend (C) but I can imagine she is pissed as well.

There is alot more background to it but the people she has choose over me always let her down or only want to see her when they want someone to go out with. The Family Member barely speaks to her at all and has only seen BF 6mth old about 5 times since she has been born and there has been very long arguments between the two of them.

I am at a point where I don't know what to do if I should still attend the wedding etc Maybe I am being unreasonable I just don't know... People that know us feel she is being out of order and keep telling me this which is annoying me even more.

Lizzylou Thu 21-May-09 12:35:55

OOH, she is being out of order, very definitely and very wrong and tactless to do it via text.

Perhaps the pressures of organising a surprise wedding have made her go a bit Bridezila?

If she is your bestfriend, you have to make the call. I would still go, head held high and looking fabulous.

clam Thu 21-May-09 12:37:54

She's demoted you from maid of honour - not even down a level to a bridesmaid but effectively sacked? By TEXT?
shock
YANBU. I'd be busy that day, if I were you. And find myself some new friends.

LoveMyGirls Thu 21-May-09 12:38:27

I don't think I would be happy either, I'm getting married this year and I have recently had a big row with my sister and told her she wasn't being bridesmaid but I didn't mean it, I was stressed and she was making it harder than it needed to be and I'd bitten my lip for quite a while plus she's my sister and sisters do fall out and make up but for you to not to have done anything to upset her she is BVU imo BUT there's not much you can do about the decision she has made.

I'm having 6 bridesmaids but then they are paying for their own outfits because we don't have a massive budget, if it's just about the money could you offer to pay for your own dress if you do still wants to be friends with her? Hopefully it's just the whole thing getting to her and she is losing the plot a bit and didn't mean to offend you?

weblette Thu 21-May-09 12:39:03

Yanbu and what clam said.

Lulumama Thu 21-May-09 12:40:58

you should call her or arrange to meet and tell her face to face how hurt you feel.

the fact she did it by text is awful., but she probably did not have the guts to tell you to your face

slushy06 Thu 21-May-09 12:41:18

Yanbu out dress the bridesmaids :O or bride no there is not really anything you can do just swallow and downgrade her from best friend to friend. I had a similar situation my son was told he could be page boy for dp brothers wedding however his brother also asked his sisters son to be page boy then told my son he was sorry he couldn't be page boy as he only had money for one suit. I offered to pay he then said he didn't really want two page boys. His sisters son is old enough to be usher but his sisters husband is now going to be usher so all family members have a part except my sonsad. If you really want to be bridesmaid could you offer to pay for your dress.

BradfordMum Thu 21-May-09 12:41:58

I think if I were you, Id boycot the wedding.
I would feel very upset knowing that people knew I should have been in the wedding party, but been sacked.

Not nice and you are definately NBU at all.

claireybee Thu 21-May-09 12:47:02

Very out of order IMO, especially to do it by text.

Maybe...just maybe, she droppped you because she thought you'd be most forgiving? Still no excuse though

(Is it Don't Tell the Bride??)

pingping Thu 21-May-09 12:47:47

I have tried to call her she wont pick up her phone which is very annoying as we have an events company together. I even text her asking her to call me

The pressure of the wedding it self is not down to her the groom is organising the whole thing she has nothing to do with the day she just has to turn up.

I would offer to pay for the Dress but she isn't answering the phone to me and I feel there maybe more to it but I haven't been made aware of since her and Friend (a) and Family Member have got back to being great friends she has held her distance with me.

One of the other orignal Bridesmaids is very upset and annoyed about it all as well and miffed at the choice

slushy06 Thu 21-May-09 12:48:44

perhaps she didn't want to drop family member as it means she will yet again refuse to talk to her not v brave though.

pingping Thu 21-May-09 12:49:25

Bradford mum the worse part of it is I have been filmed as her maid of honour for a national tv programme blush Everyone knew I was her maid of honour so I have had alot of questions which I don't know the answers too.

troutpout Thu 21-May-09 12:50:04

oh i would go anyway
What's the point in bringing yourself down to her level?. Rise above it
(assuming you still want to be her friend anyway...if not then cut your losses now).

troutpout Thu 21-May-09 12:50:35

Oh yanbu to be upset and hurt btw...only natural

mazzystartled Thu 21-May-09 12:50:37

I would be very hurt too

But, there must be more to this. People go crazy around weddings. Not just the bride. It might be that she is getting insane pressure from family to mend bridges etc. Budget sounds like an excuse to me. How does it save money to drop bridesmaids a week before the wedding? Surely the dress is already paid for....?

I would try to meet up and talk to your friend. Don't boycott the wedding in a huff.

slushy06 Thu 21-May-09 12:51:14

It sounds suspicious like the family member and friend may have been stirring things.

pingping Thu 21-May-09 12:51:44

Yes Claireybee I think she has done it as she thinks I would be the most forgiving but I really am hurt by it all and I don't think I can forgive her for the way she did it.

Also yes it is but I don't want this thread to show up in Google so no mention of the name

mazzystartled Thu 21-May-09 12:53:22

It's on don't tell the bride?

oh god

actually i think that explains it. poor woman's stress levels must be through the roof. it's not about you, its about the bloddy tv production company. maybe they're even trying to engineer a row.

very ill-advised

letsgostrawberrypicking Thu 21-May-09 12:56:41

Really lazy and weak of her to text you doing that shock

Definately dont boycott the wedding though. People will wonder where you are if they think you are still in the wedding party and it will seem (with a few well chosen words from the bride angry) that you have caused the problems so been dumped.
Rather, dress up and look fabulous on the day and be so so nice people will eralise how oddly she acted!

StripeyOss Thu 21-May-09 12:59:18

stop trying to phone her and go and see her.

you deserve to know why she's done it and she needs to tell you face to face why she's being a royal bitch.

Am angry on your behalf.. what a cowbag angry

Lulumama Thu 21-May-09 12:59:59

speak to teh groom or the telly people

as mazzy says, they might be trying to engineer a row coz it is good telly, innit

what a disaster

i would be running a million miles in teh opposite direction

pingping Thu 21-May-09 13:00:35

Thanks for all your advise I have to see her Saturday as we have an event but I have a feeling she may well not show up. As for the Family member I am sure she is stirring things up just looking on her FB status tells me that.

But I will go to the wedding and look oooo so hot and pray that the bridesmaid dresses are ugly as sin grin

FabulousBakerGirl Thu 21-May-09 13:02:09

Will her dropping you be shown on tv?

I would walk away tbh.

Lizzylou Thu 21-May-09 13:02:16

shock It will be on TV?

Go see her and talk it through, just make sure that there are no cameras wink

pingping Thu 21-May-09 13:05:03

I am not sure Fabulous she did it Via Text but I don't know if she has been interviewed as to why she is has dropped bridesmaids most likely it will.

Lizzylou I will attempt to see her but I feel that things may be said that will then make me out to be the one thats out of order

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