... In any form. I'm not asking for all his money to go off and spend as I like. But SOMETHING towards his keep would help. And how do I ask him NOW after we have lived together on and off (more off than on TBH) for nearly a year?? HELP someone. Need kick up the backside or somehting please??
I'm not sure how this happens - but it has so...does he work? Does he have any major expenses like big debts, another house, maintenance? If not, you need to tell him you can't afford to run the house by yourself and he needs to give you £X weekly towards it. Say an amount you know he can afford and if he reacts with horror you know he's a freeloader. I really don't understand why he hasn't suggested it himself
Sorry, this is a bit longer than I thought!! II met him a year ago, he was still in a messy separation, ie still living there but not LIVING there IYKWIM. He and I hit it off sooo amazingly well, soul mates you know? I had been divorced for 4 years (long time on my own, not trying to make excuses) 3 DC's from my marriage to my first and only relationship at the time (this one is only my second) ...
So there i am after a month, smitten, and I suggested he moved in with me instaed of spending lots of money on a flat when he needed every penny to pay for a course he was going to do to finally qualify and start work.
I was on single parent IS at the time and gave that up when he moved in, we never ended up with any money as a joint claim (he is on INCAP) even 4 months later (I was till paying for everything, food, rent etc despite not having any money and having his daughter over 3 nights a week so her mum could work her night shifts) we still hadnt had any money in and ended up so tense and cross we split up.
Stupid argument that shouldnt have ended up in splitting but I was so tense! I still dont know how it happened because we had talked things over but ..
He never quite let me go though and we ended up back together a few weeks later (he was staying at his old house in the meantime) with promises that things would be different etc. My XH was emotionally abusive and controlling to the degree that I wasnt even allowed to spend a penny without his say so!
So now I am incredibly controlling about my own money to the point where I would rather not be beholden to anyone else for money ever again.
I have tried to talk to my DP about all this and we do have other areas with problems but it is the money thing that continues to get me down. I wouldnt mind but Im struggling to feed us all) inc. his daughter who is staying 4 nights a week just now) and he is only worried about making it to his next football match
His courses have fallen through and I dont know how much longer I can do this! But he makes me out to be so unreasonable about it all. Help???
GrumpyMoo, if you are living together (which you are, to all intents and purposes) he needs to put ALL of his money in the pot. Then your money as well, and divide up what you need to pay for everything each. His football trips should be way, way down the list. And if he doesn't like it, I'd be telling him to GTFO, tbh.
He's been living with me again since March, when I oved house, I thought if e had a fresh start... I don't know if it was such a mistake though. But then I don;t really know much anymore. He gets INCAP every other week, I am getting tax credits child benfit and maintenance for my 3 children. he does pay for the occaisional thing but nothing regularly I feel so stupid having to to come to you guys for this. I think I may have avoide this issue because I don;t want to feel like an idiot.