To be irrationally upset for dd10 not being invited to a party.......(7 Posts)
OK, I know this sounds ridiculous, but in a nutshell. Last year, dd was close to a girl in her class (X), and I became friendly with her mum. Unfortunately, the school mixed up the classes and they were split up for this year and now they see one another only during playtimes and breaks and according to dd are still friendly but just don't see one another much. Dd's best friend(B)(who she has known since babies), is in dd's class and they spend a lot of time (if not most) of their time together both in and out of school. Anyway, dd's birthday is in 3 weeks' time and I sent out invites (10 kids only) and deliberately we chose to invite X because dd still likes her and feels they are still friends. Anyway, has not responded to the invite despite me texting her mum (who used to respond to every text asap)0. I mentioned this to B's mum who is also my best friend. She then said in horror "isn't your dd going to X's party then??".....turns out that X is having a party and has invited my B (who she hardly knows) but hasn't invited my dd. There seem to be quite a lot of people going and I just can't understand why she wasn't invited. Dd says they haven't fallen out or even had bad words and confirms that X really doesn't know D that well. I'm at a loss. I did leave a message on X's mum's phone just asking her if she'd received the invite and if she could make it but still, no response. I'm wondering whether she's embarrassed or if there's a bigger issue here. What would you do? I really it's JUST a party but I feel so bad for dd - she feels really embarrassed and is upset but trying not to show it. I even asked her if perhaps she had lost her invite but she said that apparently they were handed out at school when she wasn't around. Why would she deliberately invite B knowing that she would tell my dd and risk her being upset like this? I'm half cross and half sad.
It is very sad but I think you just have to let it go. I would take your DD somewhere special on the day and try to make light of it.
Unfortunately this kind of thing seems to be quite frequent. If I was that girl's mum I would have invited your DD but who knows what makes her tick? maybe she just didn't click that her DD hadn't invited yours (maybe the girls fell out one day and her DD invited B to spite your DD? This has happened to my DS a couple of times - he's also 10) Sounds like she's mortally embarassed and can't face you. If I was you I'd be the "bigger" person and try not to seem offended for DD otherwise you'll all fall out over it....
Teach her to take it in her stride. These things are little learning experiences for horrible things in the adult world. Last year I wasn't invited to the wedding of someone I considered one of my closest friends - think of this as a trial run for that emotional roller coaster one day!
YANBU. It sounds very perplexing
My DS was not invited to a small party a few months ago by a boy who he was in a group with. He was a bit upset, but I was surprised how upset and angry I felt about it...like a mother lion! Normally I subscribe to the view that anyone is perfectly entitled to invite whoever they want to a party. I think in our case it was the child deliberately leaving DS1 out (he could be a bit of a power player) . Like your case, other friends' mums were surprised as well.
I wonder if the girl is wanting B to herself? Maybe jealous?
I think you do have to rise above it though, like thirtysomethingsays
Please give your dd a big hug from me.
I do feel for you and your dd. Who knows what goes on in other peoples minds?
Thank you everyone. I think I do need to move on and will try not to let my dd show how upset I am for her.
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