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to ask for £5 donation to a fund to buy a playhouse instead of a present?

(115 Posts)
chuffinell Fri 27-Feb-09 13:34:59

Its my DDs 4th birthday and we have invited 18 children to her party, she also has lots of family

we are already overwhelmed with toys at home. Wd it be rude/bad manner/cheeky to do the above?

chuffinell Fri 27-Feb-09 13:36:47

not that i would expect a present off each child/person, but most people do, dont they?

i would say 'dont feel obliged to buy a present, but if you really want to.....

justaboutindisguise Fri 27-Feb-09 13:37:19

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justaboutindisguise Fri 27-Feb-09 13:38:13

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Thunderduck Fri 27-Feb-09 13:39:04

Yes it's rude, you might just get away with it with family but I wouldn't even consider asking it of her friend's parents.

Whoopsybigtime Fri 27-Feb-09 13:40:06

I would say 'we have lots of toys in the house and DD has her heart set on a playhouse so if you could put something towards her playhouse instead of a gift that would be fantastic'

MrsTittleMouse Fri 27-Feb-09 13:41:33

It's not very nice for a small child to give another child money though, is it? You can't wrap it up and it doesn't have any "substance". Sympathies for the "overwhelmed with toys" though - we're already like that and DD1 is younger. Could family give the money, instead of the friends?

joshhollowayspieceofass Fri 27-Feb-09 13:42:32

Hmm - it makes complete logical sense but I'm afraid, whichever way you cut it, it's probably a bit rude (unless family members). I just don't think you can go around dictating how people give you gifts, it's just not good manners. It doesn't matter how little you are asking. So I think you will just have to suck up the unwanted tat presents smile

But I am a hypocrite as we got honeymoon contributions for our wedding I just realised, so don't listen to me grin

Smee Fri 27-Feb-09 13:44:47

Won't your daughter be upset? Parties we go, they all take presents. Even if it a present only costs a couple of quid, the kids love giving and the birthday kid loves opening - it's part of the party imo. I can see 18 more bits of tack is going to be a challenge, but it does seem a shame for your dd to me, as at that age presents are a huge part of the party.

PandaG Fri 27-Feb-09 13:45:34

I think in this situation I would either

ask for no present at all - and if people query this say, well we are overwhelmed but DD is saving up for a playhouse so if you really want to give a present something towards this would be appreciated

or, ask relatives and close friends to contribute to playhouse and accept presents from school friends. I often ask what the child would like when replying to an invite, and have been more than happy on occasion to give cash (or Euros for holiday spends) if that was suggested.

plonker Fri 27-Feb-09 13:45:55

I think its rather rude tbh.

I would ask family and friends and those I know well but as for dd's little friends (and their parents), no, I wouldn't dream of it.

JemL Fri 27-Feb-09 13:48:13

You could put something on the invite like "DD already has so many lovely toys, clothes and books, please don't feel you have to bring a present to the party."
Then, when people say to you, Oh, I can't bring nothing! you casually mention the playhouse fund - "we are asking family to do this and perhaps you might like to too?"

I have been to small childrens parties where the parents have done something very similar.

FlorenceofArabia Fri 27-Feb-09 13:48:26

YABU. It's just not done.

nickschick Fri 27-Feb-09 13:48:40

I think this is a really good idea and you could just word it similarly to how panda suggests saying that 'dd is wanting a playhouse so instead of gifts would you put coins of any amount into an envelope and pop it into the box mared playhouse fund.

Id be happy to do this if it were a friend of my dc.

Let us know what you decide and how it goes this could be the start of a trend.

JemL Fri 27-Feb-09 13:48:53

I meant to add, I think it is fine to just ask family directly!

PfftTheMagicDragon Fri 27-Feb-09 13:50:07


Galava Fri 27-Feb-09 13:51:46

Its sensible.

But no. Its not polite at all.

StewieGriffinsMom Fri 27-Feb-09 13:51:57

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wideratthehips Fri 27-Feb-09 13:52:58

i think you can ask family (we have!) for a donation towards a big present.

i wouldn't dream of asking my childrens friends parents for cash.

also your dd will enjoy the presents from her friends, who will i imagine have had some input into choosing the present (from experience with my own 4 yr old).

children love giving and recieving presents

PlumBumMum Fri 27-Feb-09 13:55:21

I would do it with family not too sure about her friends parents, I have done this with family before

PlumBumMum Fri 27-Feb-09 13:56:02

Although I would love it if dcs friends parents said stick a fiver in a card

TotalChaos Fri 27-Feb-09 13:58:35

YABU. Bear in mind people may already have a stash of sales bargain presents for this purpose, so won't want to have to budget for a fiver.

tootiredtothink Fri 27-Feb-09 14:01:02

No, no, no, no, no!

Tis very rude.

Just had ds birthday and a number of people asked what he wanted (I would want him to have nothing as he has too much crap here at the mo, but it's not about me), so I just said he loves action figures - a wide range to choose from.

The joy he got from opening presents was worth all the stubbed toes I'll get from stepping on the buggers.

Ask family (if they ask what to buy him) but not his friends.

BusyBeeWithThree Fri 27-Feb-09 14:05:54

We had an invite to a boys (7) party that said a similar thing. It said "I am a very lucky boy and have lots of "stuff" so if you were thinking about buying me a present please could I have a few pounds to save up for something special"

Personally my thoughts were what a spoilt brat!!!!! I would be too ashamed to write something like that on my invitations but we did give him a fiver.

I agree with totalchaos!!

MrsMerryHenry Fri 27-Feb-09 14:08:30

I think it's a great idea, but agree that you shouldn't specify the amount. Also perhaps you could say something like 'please don't feel you have to buy a gift, but if you'd like to contribute something, we'd appreciate a small donation (blahblah) as our house is already chock-full of toys'. If you make it light-hearted and say you're not assuming people will spend (especially in these dire financial times) I think it should sound fine.

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