Shouting at horrible elderly lady? (Rant, sorry!)(41 Posts)
I'm really upset about this cause i was having a bad day before this all happened!
To set the scene, i have already had problems with this particular woman, who lives in my street... when we were moving in, she stopped and had a huge rant at my DP about some rubbish bags out the front of the house (not ours- we were just moving in!!) and how it wasn't bin day etc. We thought she lived in the same lot of flats but she doesn't! She was really aggressive and rude to him.
Despite this we've always said good morning to her when we've seen her in the street, and been ignored.
One afternoon when i was heavily pregnant she saw me coming ( i smiled at her) and then she actually RAN ME OFF THE PAVEMENT into the road with her electric wheelchair. Carried on round the corner while i stood there in shock. She went out of her way to get me...it sounds funny but at the time i was quite upset.
This morning i was strapping my 5mo DS's car seat into the car, and when i looked up she was there staring at me. I went to say hello, but she interrupted me with "you've been parked there all night, haven't you?" I said yes, i have. She said "well you're not to park there, my husband and i are disabled and if you park there, we might need a taxi or an ambulance and they won't be able to get to us". (I should point out at this point that said road is in the town centre, single yellow line, sign saying you can park there between 6pm-9am and there are always loads of cars parked there, even at the illegal times, and there is a huge driveway next to their flat that no-one ever parks in front of, so there is loads of space for a taxi/ambulance. No disabled signs or anything.)
I said "oh, sorry, was there an ambulance last night then?" "No." "Well....ok, whats the problem then?".
"Well it is a problem, i live here". "So do i , i live over there". Etc
So anyway i started getting a bit peed off, she was so aggressive and i'm pre-menstrual, and all sorts of other stuff adding up to not having a great day. Already been crying in the house.
SO i said "Look, i can park where i want, i have a 5mo son and a ridiculously bad back, so i'm going to park on this road outside the flat. I've only parked here (outside her flat) once." Then she started shouting at me saying are you disabled?! Have you got a disabled badge?! Don't park here then!! If you park here again and i catch you....
Then i lost my rag and said "Look, i have enough on my plate without you f**king having a go at me" at which point she said she was going to call the police so i said "go on then" and just got in my car. I was enraged at this point and shaking! She went up the path to her door then reversed out of the door to stare at me with the most evil look you've ever seen. I should have just left it but i got out and shouted up the path "can i just say, do you remember running me off the pavement when i was heavily pregnant?" and she just ignored me and went indoors.
I drove round the corner, parked up and burst into tears. I feel bad that i lost my rag with an old lady, but she was just so nasty.
I don't want this to continue, so i was thinking of contacting the local bobby to let him know the situation cause i'm scared of running into her. Maybe he could suggest she contacts the council to get a disabled space outside her flat...they dont even drive... i suspect this is not the issue though cause otherwise she'd be up there all day yelling at law-abiding motorists. i don't know why she's picking on me.
I get on really well with the elderly ladies in our building and i spent my own time voluntarily spending time with old people in a local home before i had DS so i'm not a granny basher!
Don't know what to do.
She sounds as though she may have mild dementia or something. I don't know if that helps at all but when I've been ranted at by old folk I tell myself that they may not be entirely compus mentis.
An elderly relative once told me that 'career' women deserved it if they got raped because they were taking male work. I know she probably was suffering from a series of mini strokes at that time, so I've always thought her reasoning and levels of aggression were affected.
Try seeing her bad behaviour as part of an illness and it may not feel as personal. Either that or get your voodoo dolls out. ;)
Difficult I know, but I would just ignore her - completely. She obviously doesn't want to be pleasant, and you speaking to her seems to aggravate the situation, so don't.
She sounds horrible and you don't sound like a granny basher at all!
Poor you, she sounds awful. Abraid's idea was good, think of her as having dementia then you won't get so wound up. Either that or when you see her hum the Wicked Witch of the West's theme tune from Wizard of Oz to yourself, it might calm you down.
Thanks abraid, it does help. Thanks for your perspective, you're right.
I think i am taking it a bit too personally, bad day and hormones don't help!
Some of the old folks i spent time with had dementia, but it was mainly quite severe - repeating themselves and thinking you were their long dead mother etc, but they were quite sweet.
Thats terrible what your relative said! But sometimes they live in an altogether different world, bless 'em.
My friend's mum had a series of mini-strokes and she could have given the Wicked Witch of the West a good run for her money after those. In all honesty she wasn't exactly brimming with sweetness and light beforehand but afterwards she was just plain nasty and very vindictive which she wasn't before.
She sounds like a miserable old bitch.
Poor you What's her husband like? Have you ever seen him/spoken to him? What about your neighbours, are you friendly with them? Could they shed some light on her behaviour?
Anyway, hope you are ok!
What a horrible, spiteful old cow she sounds. Have you tried talking to the other elderly people in your flats about her? She might have a history of being vile to people. I would start taking a note and keeping a diary of when and what she's said to you / done to you. That way, if she does call the police, you've got some record of the way she's been behaving.
You have my sympathy xx
Thanks for your sympathy everyone, and throwing different lights on the situation.
I've never seen her husband. I'm a bit worried about her now. I gave her some slack before because she was elderly and in her electric wheelchair, but that doesn't give her licence to harass people in the street, especially when they haven't actually done anything wrong!
Chocolate, i am still worried she might call the police. Someone just knocked on my door about a missing cat and i thought it was them!
I still feel guilty about swearing, even if it wasn't directly calling her names. She is that vindictive that she might call the police and say i was yelling at her. But i think i remember my landlady saying something about her when we mentioned the binbag incident.
May ask nice ladies upstairs and next door if they know anything.
I think you just have to accept that nasty people don't get nicer as they get older. They just get progressively nastier. The fact she's elderly is irrelevant (apart from the dementia possibility) - she's been an absolute cow, wound you up over an extended period and today you lost it - completely understandable. Don't beat yourself up about it just because she's old.
Hope you are ok, I would definitely test the water by asking other neighbours about her, it's unlikely that it's just you that she picks on!
The council might have a neighbour mediation service you could ring for advice?
If you were legally parked and not blocking the road then she had no right to tell you off about it.
I once told a horrible old woman that she was "a miserable old bag" after she had a reall go at me for bringing my buggy into tesco, sometimes you just can;t help yoursefl!
Very similar thing happened to my DH last year when an not very pleasant elderly man intentionally blocked his car in (well got is daughter to) becos he had parked on the street outside his house. However, at the time I did work for the local council and very politely popped round to his house with the form that should be filled in, in order to get a space painted on the street outside a house for anyone who is disabled and needs a space actually outside the house. Strangely enough almost a year later there is still no specific disabled space outside his house and the Council have been out and painted others.
Some people just forget that the street outside there house is not actually in their ownership, and of course just like a good fight. And to be honest that can be regardless of age or disability.
Well ok she might be unwell, but you don't usually ask for a medical cerificate when someone starts on at you like that to find out either way.
Anyway poor MistyBat has problems of her own and didn't deserve that. Poor you MB.
Be cool and impeccably polite next time and agree with everything she says no matter how bizarre and drive calmly away.
Ignore her - no matter what age she is she is clearly an unreasonable person. So what on earth do you think you would gain by winning an argument with her? There is not even a need to speculate on reasons for her behaviour - the point is that you will never be able to engage with her in a positive and meaningful way. You only need to keep your own behaviour in check, and ensure that you do not say or do anything that will ultimately cause harm to yourself or another person. No matter how bad this lady is, she is not in control of your mind is she? You are.
Don't feel bad about having a go at her - she sounds really horrid.
MistyGee not MistyBat.. Where did that come from?!
Sorry Misty - and there's you already having a bad day and me calling you the wrong name now.
I'll get me coat..
Let the silly cow call the police!
You have done nothing wrong.
Do you know if you park over someone's driveway so they can't get their car in, that's not illegal. (It is if they can't get their car out though, however.)
Next time, why not say "Well Mrs Oldbag, I don't agree so why don't you call the police and ask them to come round and tell me where I can park. I'll be back at xxpm. Seeya!" and drive off with a cheery wave.
No no, it's the old lady who's the bat, Tsarchasm
Poor you! Would second the 'ignore her' advice, she probably does have dementia, or at best is just obnoxious and needs a wide berth. At most say 'oh dear, so sorry' and then ignore her. I wouldn't feel bad about her being old at all.
Also I don't think you can be arrested for shouting at an obnoxious old lady (whereas running a heavily pregnant lady off the pavement, in my book, is attempted assault!) and if, in the very unlikely event of the police coming knocking for you, just tell them you think she's had a stroke or got dementia and that she needs help.
Hope this reassures and that you're feeling better soon, it's the kind of thing that would upset me a lot, but as my friend Stefan says, 'never mind, she's old and she'll be dead soon'
If I were you, next time you see her and she speaks to you, tell her that you have reported her threatening behaviour to the police and that you have been told to report her immediately if she does it again. If she gets lippy, get out you mobile and walk away.
I once did that to a very unpleasant old man who lived in the same block of flats as me and he never had a go again.
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