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AIBU To Not Want Our Friend's 6 Month Old Baby To Holiday With Us?

(61 Posts)
LeQueen Mon 09-Feb-09 19:47:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nightcrawly Mon 09-Feb-09 19:49:50

Can you not just say "Yes, we would love you to come, but it is an adults-only holiday, so I'm not sure how you feel about leaving your baby?"

fattiemumma Mon 09-Feb-09 19:49:52

when they say they would lkike to come just reply "oh great yes that'd be excellent. do you think you'll be ok finding someone to have baby though?"

make it clear that baby is not on the guest list, but whilst making it sound as though you assumed theyhad already worked this out.

if they say that the wanted to bring baby you can then explain that you had planned an adults break.

2pt4kids Mon 09-Feb-09 19:50:56

If I was the other woman I would totally understand that you've now changed the holiday and that you are leaving your children behind to have an adult break instead.
Do they know your children will not be there? and do they know you've booked somewhere spectacularly un-child friendly?
Just tell them those 2 things and they'll be fine about it if they are reasonable enough people.

Enjoy your child free holiday! (can I come?)

mumof2222222222222222boys Mon 09-Feb-09 19:53:05

I think they should understand that things have changed - and if you are not even taking your own DCs that should make if crystal clear. If they were still coming, I think that it would muddy the water.

Tbh I wouldn't suggest leaving the baby behind, that makes it sound like you are making a point unnecessarily.

mrsgboring Mon 09-Feb-09 19:56:32

But a 6 month old is unlikely to be mobile so stairs, plasma screen tvs etc. not really a problem, surely?

I can see how it would change the dynamic of the holiday though. Why don't you just explain to them what you've put here, that when they opted out of the holiday originally, you changed the nature of it and planned it round other friends' needs rather than theirs.

If they can't leave the baby, you could offer them a night or two as a compromise.

CatchaStar Mon 09-Feb-09 19:57:35

Just tell them the truth. 'Really sorry but when you said no to coming at first we asked another couple who accepted. You are more than welcome to come if you wish and there is plenty of room for you, but we've made it an adults only holiday and have arranged child care for the children. Would this be ok with you or would you rather us all arrange another holiday after this one at a later date when the kids can all come?'

HecateQueenOfGhosts Mon 09-Feb-09 19:59:41

Like everyone else says. just be honest. You've changed the arrangements and everyone already going has agreed childfree and made arrangements and it's not really your place to alter that.

Then offer an alternative.

pointydog Mon 09-Feb-09 20:02:41

I would just be honest too. Say you have now organised an adults holiday and would she like to do a joint holiday in the summer.

PrincessButtercup Mon 09-Feb-09 20:03:45

Yes, be honest. It's not the same holiday you talked about earlier. If they can come without baby, that's great. If not, it's a shame but there'll be other years..

troutpout Mon 09-Feb-09 20:05:34

yanbu...and i'm sure they will understand when you tell them

Kimi Mon 09-Feb-09 20:05:52

I think if it is a adult only holiday now all you can do is be honest and say when the said no the first time the plans changed and now it is adults only they are welcome but baby is not.
I think they will decline as a 6 month old is harder to off load for a week then a 5 and 6 year old

myredcardigan Mon 09-Feb-09 20:07:41

I agree, just be honest and tell them as they couldn't make it,you found childcare for your DCs and asked another couple who don't have kids. You could trying saying you have now booked accomodation which specifies no children. I know that's not strickly true but it's how you've steered the holiday now.

Don't feel bad, you haven't done anything wrong. It's not as if you're trying to drop them after you asked and they agreed. Not easy but good luck!

AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard Mon 09-Feb-09 20:08:05

if they are resonable people they will understand

so, no problem here that I can see

Northernlurker Mon 09-Feb-09 20:09:17

Well personally I don't see what difference one baby will make - except to make you feel guilty about leaving your children behind.

The height, stairs and the hot tub is all a red herring isn't it - 6 month old babies aren't usually moving all that far or fast for those to be an issue!

Tbh - adults only holiday versus family holiday really winds me up. Just go on holiday with your children!

Thunderduck Mon 09-Feb-09 20:10:17

There's nothing wrong with wanting an adult only holiday.

thisisyesterday Mon 09-Feb-09 20:11:43

agree, just be honest.
say that you've changed it to adults-only and that all the other children will now be staying at home.

so, they're welcome to come but they'd have to leave baby behind

Kimi Mon 09-Feb-09 20:15:51

As long as a family holiday follows I see nothing wrong with a bit of adult only time, and if you are getting a break from your own children then you don't want the noise, mess and fuss of someone else's

ladymariner Mon 09-Feb-09 20:23:11

Agree with everyone else (except northernlurker - sorry!) and think you just have to say that the holiday is now adult only but you would love to go with them later on in the year.

A baby being there would totally change the dynamic, the whole focus would understandably be based around the baby's needs and that is clearly not what the holiday is about. I don't blame you for wanting this holiday, we have always had a weekend away once a year with our friends and we've taken our watches off when we arrived and put them on again when we left, it was a step out of time and it's fab. You simply could not do that if you had children with you.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Mon 09-Feb-09 20:25:38

I definately think that honesty is the best policy. Nothing unreasonable about it, just that your plans have changed since you originally talked about it with them.

It sounds like a great place that you're going to - can we see a link? envy

ABetaDad Mon 09-Feb-09 20:27:38

I tell you what LeQueen - you want to be careful saying that you do not want other people's children around - I find people take offence and especially on mumsnet.

[I am currently hiding behind a sofa on another thread taking some pretty heavy incoming fire]

HecateQueenOfGhosts Mon 09-Feb-09 20:29:35


poor, poor ABetaDad. your first thread really was a baptism of fire, wasn't it? There there. <strokes forehead, soothingly>

consider it your initiation wink

AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard Mon 09-Feb-09 20:30:04

aww diddums ABetDad

dontcha know its bad form to hijack a thread with a moan about another one?

LeQueen Mon 09-Feb-09 20:33:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeQueen Mon 09-Feb-09 20:36:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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