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To want DP or just anyone to help with our stupid sleeping arrangements?

(41 Posts)
AmIWhatAndWhy Tue 27-Jan-09 16:22:59

But he won't as he gets to sleep in his own bed every night and it's all up to me.

DS (3) and DD (2) share a room. DS is AS and lately we can't have them share a room as he tries to cuddle up to DD in the night and she doesn't like it so wakes and won't settle.

Since Christmas I have slept in my own bed only once. It's been happening that DP takes DD to bed with him and he reads until she falls asleep, I sleep in her toddler bed next to DS , who wants to have a hand to hold in the night.

I can't see any solution to this, other than us putting the toddler beds in the loft and getting a double futon or something so I can at least get a good nights sleep when I'm in with DS.

But that seems to be an awful thing for my relationship with DP. Is anyone in a similar situation, or has been and worked out a solution? Going to bed is something I dread rather than look forward too as it's so difficult.

WEESLEEKITLauriefairycake Tue 27-Jan-09 16:25:09

have DS in with you both?

separate childrens rooms?

AmIWhatAndWhy Tue 27-Jan-09 16:28:27

Thanks.We only have two bedrooms. DS will only sleep in his room and DD is starting to get worryingly attached to the idea of going to bed with daddy. I'm hoping this is a temporary thing but want to handle it right so we are not setting ourselves up for even more stress later.

CoteDAzur Tue 27-Jan-09 16:30:44

Is he scared of something? Can you ask him why he needs to hold someone in the night?

How about a bunny/dinosaur/etc to hold his hand through the night? A nightlight?

littleducks Tue 27-Jan-09 16:31:15

how big are the rooms? we have an ikea chair that fold into a single bed that i have in kids room for night feeds

AmIWhatAndWhy Tue 27-Jan-09 16:33:06

He has nightlights , fairly lights at the moment which he calls 'my christmas'. He has to have his same fish bedding on and no curtains or blinds.

Sadly I can ask but he can't tell me. He is 3 but has serious language and communication problems.

AmIWhatAndWhy Tue 27-Jan-09 16:34:59

The DC's room is massive, it's the biggest in the house. That's why I'm thinking a futon would be good, so he can sleep in his bed and I can sleep without being squashed in DD's. We really can't afford one but I'm getting drained from nights with terrible sleep.

laweaselmys Tue 27-Jan-09 16:36:52

Sleeping nights on the trot on a futon probably isn't going to leave you feeling that rested either I'm afraid, they're not proper mattresses.

CarGirl Tue 27-Jan-09 16:38:19

Why don't you and dh move into the the room with DC and let dd have the smaller room to herself with the toys & clothes etc.

So double bed and toddler bed/single bed in the biggest room - which actually becomes your bedroom.

luckylady74 Tue 27-Jan-09 16:42:03

I think the futon is a good idea - one that is a sofa in the day perhaps so they don't think it's a permanent bed for you.

My ds has as and sometimes social stories work with him - use his photo throughout a story about him having a great time sleeping on his own and how dd is not to be disturbed.

Probably mad to suggest this, but could dd be in your room and you and dh bed down in the living room?

compo Tue 27-Jan-09 16:42:07

agree with cargirl
you need to sleep in the same bed as dp
otherwise the kids will think this is the way things will always be
maybe when ds sees dd in her new 'big girls' room he might change his mind and want to sleep in there too at whoch point you can lay out how it has to be - ie no snuggling up to her
when they are bigger you could get bunk beds
but at some point you'll need a 3 bed place won't you?

AmIWhatAndWhy Tue 27-Jan-09 16:42:44

DD is very clingy too and needs company, they used to sleep fine with their two toddler beds pushed against each other, we'd often find then hugging in the mornings which was heart melting.

I'm hoping it's just phase with DS. Should we consider a king sized bed in our room, or are we just pandering?

It's so tough trying to make sure we give DS the extra care he needs whilst not leaving DD out iyswim.

AmIWhatAndWhy Tue 27-Jan-09 16:44:00

compo yes we will but we are in London, it's very expensive and not a good time to move. I imagine they will be okay sharing until they are juniors?

CarGirl Tue 27-Jan-09 16:45:22

I would just swap rooms and have a bed next to your bed.

I would also get 2 single beds in the childrens rooms that way you have ever option covered and perhaps they will be happy snuggled up to each other again in larger single beds next to each other? Perhaps dd just didn't have enough space in a toddler bed with her brother snuggled up.

juuule Tue 27-Jan-09 16:46:28

Agree with cargirl.

CarGirl Tue 27-Jan-09 16:46:53

Are you and dp still having sex because if you are stop and tell him he needs to help with the sleep arrangements, it may help focus his mind on the matter grin

Also perhaps you should alternate who settles each one IYSWIM so they will have either parent rather than just mummy or just daddy.

AmIWhatAndWhy Tue 27-Jan-09 16:55:21

Oh yes still hving sex, just need to be creative. We do have two toddler beds, they are just pushed up together iyswim. Very spacious for two toddlers but not at all for me.

I think the futon may be the way to go (it will be useful when we have guests anyway)and to do social stories etc to try and encourage
DS. I think if I was in the room, and they were both in their beds they may stay all night? Wishful thinking maybe, but I may try it tonight using our blow up mattress.

AmIWhatAndWhy Wed 28-Jan-09 11:02:23

We had a result last night, I feel very well rested but not holding my breath in case it was a one off.

We made up a story about DD giving DS her favourite teddy to look after in the night. She fell asleep in our bed, he fell asleep in his clutching the teddy. Then we moved her into her own bed and didn't hear a thing until 7am.

AmIWhatAndWhy Wed 28-Jan-09 11:10:20

Cargirl, they do have two beds, sorry I didn't make that clear. DS insists that they are pushed together though.

laweaselmys Wed 28-Jan-09 11:12:53

That sounds very positive! Hopefully that will work again tonight and you can start working on getting DD to go to sleep in there too...

AmIWhatAndWhy Wed 28-Jan-09 11:31:38

Thanks I am hoping so. The problem with getting them both to sleep in there is that they spend forever giggling and making silly noises, then when one finally falls asleep the other wakes them up.

I'm not sure how we'll ever resolve that until they are a little older.

laweaselmys Wed 28-Jan-09 11:49:37

I think you're kind of stuck with that one, unfortunately. It's lovely that they get on so well though.

luckylady74 Wed 28-Jan-09 11:54:56

That's really good news!

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 29-Jan-09 09:20:00

can you not unpush the 2 childrens beds and put a small table/chest of drawers etc between them so ds cant have the beds together

agree you need to sort this out as soon dd will be hard to put to bed, you will always have to put dd to sleep in your bed

dont start something that you dont want to carry on

but the looking after teddy idea was good smile

bubblagirl Thu 29-Jan-09 09:29:45

my ds has ASD and he has separation anxiety of a night time he has to be right near me

we have made a bed up on the floor next to our bed we put him to bed in his room when possible if not i go to bed early so he can fall asleep on little bed in our room

could you try separate bed times take dd first have her fall asleep then take ds maybe you could get him a special teddy for night time cuddles and then settle him down to sleep once asleep it sound like they can settle well so many do it separately at maybe 30 mins apart

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