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not sure whether i'm upset with my mum

(9 Posts)
BrownEyedMum Wed 14-Jan-09 11:56:54

when i fell pregnant for my little boy (my first), my mum had alreeady got a 4 month holiday booked, which meant she would be away over my due date. we discussed whether she should come home for a few weeks, but she would have to go back again as they had something booked at end of holiday. if it was a short hop i would have said yes, but they were going to new zealand so seemed a bit of a long way and huge expense, when the chances of being born on due date are so slim anyway. so i told her not to worry, they'd see the baby when they got home it would be okay.

but then i had to go into hospital at 36 weeks, had an emergency c-section, had my baby taken off me and taken to a hospital 60 miles away. he had to have surgery at 3 days old, we were told he was disabled, and both ended up spending 4 weeks in hospital. and yet not once did my mum suggest she came home early from there holiday. aibu to be upset by this, is it my own fault for telling her not to come home in the first case?

NAB3lovelychildren Wed 14-Jan-09 11:59:16

YANBU to be upseet as obviously things were a lot harder than anyone expected. Did you let her know you needed her?

Dropdeadfred Wed 14-Jan-09 12:00:17

hard to say without knowing how much your mum was informed whilst she was away..?

kitbit Wed 14-Jan-09 12:10:40

I might also be a wee bit upset by it, but I think as it seems you have quite a lot to deal with I'd try and put your hurt feelings to one side (maybe bring it up with her later) and go forward. You'll need their help and support going forward, so try and focus on the future and not dwell on this, thoughtless though I think it was. x

tootyflooty Wed 14-Jan-09 12:20:13

If it was my daughter i would have been on the first plane back, that's if i could have brought myself to go in the first place.Don't be too hard on her, it's how she is now that will matter most, if she is normally really supportive then it was just really bad luck that things went the way they did.She did at least discuss with you the possibility of coming back before this all happened. Try not to let this spoil future help she may give you.

beanieb Wed 14-Jan-09 12:22:08

I think I would understand if it were my mum, but every family is different.

BrownEyedMum Wed 14-Jan-09 15:17:05

yes she's fine now, she lives quite a few miles away so don't see as much of her as mil but she wants to see lo as much as she can (when she's not away) and she's always buying stuff for him. she knew every detail of what was going on, i was sat on the phone in tears to her every few days. i am trying to put it behind us but i can't help but feel that she just wasn't there when i needed her most, she let a holiday come first. like you tootyflooty, i don't think i could have gone in the first place even if everything went smoothly, but the fact that it all went so horribly just makes me wonder how she could have stayed away. when she got home, she asked me how likely it was that he wouldn't survive the operation and stuff - if she thought her first grandson might die at any time, why didn't she come home to see him?

Dropdeadfred Wed 14-Jan-09 15:53:32

when your mum asked those questions did you raise your feelings with her?

BrownEyedMum Wed 14-Jan-09 16:26:35

no i haven't said anything i don't want to ruin how things are and cause a load of upset.

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