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do people normally do this?

(65 Posts)
mackenseee Thu 08-Jan-09 23:15:57

Hi, I was round at a friends for dinner recently with my DD who is five. She wasn't eating as she had eaten earlier and was sitting on the floor playing with her ds. My friend's husband expected her to sit with us (I presume as his DD who is three was sitting and eating) and without saying anything to me or her just walked over to her, switched off her ds, picked her up and put her at the table.

Maybe I am being a bit precious about this but I was a bit shocked. I didn't say anything because anything I'd say would sound rude but I felt like saying 'She's five, if she wants to join us or I want her to I'll ask her to come and she can walk!!'

But I didn't and maybe you'll disagree and he was right?

mackenseee Thu 08-Jan-09 23:17:50

also we're going to stay there soon and I hope this doesn't happen again as next time I think I'd be really annoyed. I think he doesn't like the ds also - but all the kids in my DD's class have one and I got it for her for journeys etc

misshardbroom Thu 08-Jan-09 23:19:44

YANBU in my opinion.

Ideally, I think children do need to learn to sit with everyone else even if they're not eating or have finished, and I can understand how your friend's DH may have felt that this was setting a bad example to his DD, or distracting her from her meal (not saying that this was the case, just that this is how he could have perceived it).

But to just switch off her DS and carry her to the table without saying anything is overstepping a mark.

TippytheTipsyTurkeychick Thu 08-Jan-09 23:21:00

I wouldn't have liked it. Why didn't you address it at the time though? I get that you were a bit stunned but I'm not sure how you could bring it up with your friend now(assuming you wanted to have it out).
Is he rude normally?

nbee84 Thu 08-Jan-09 23:21:22

If one of my dc had eaten and were not eating with us then I personally wouldn't expect them to come and sit at the table with us. But maybe I am wrong in doing this hmm

I don't think he should have acted in the way he did if he feels differently on this. He should of said to you that he felt she shold be at the table too. Or I wouldn't have been upset if he had spoken to her and said 'we would like you to come and sit and chat with us while we eat' but he shouldn't have physically brought her to the table like that.

Jacksmama Thu 08-Jan-09 23:21:58

Good God! When I want someone else to discipline my child I'll let them know - not that it'll ever happen, mind!
I'd be seriously pissed and would have a few words with him or your friend.

3littlefrogs Thu 08-Jan-09 23:22:43

I think he would have been better to ask her to come to the table, rather than doing what he did.

OTOH, I always taught my children that house rules differ from one family to another, but that it is good manners to abide by the rules of the house you are visiting.

beanieb Thu 08-Jan-09 23:23:02

I don't know. I think I would have found it worse if he had said something. like if he had been going on at her and hadn't involved you. I think picking her up and plonking her at the table is ok so long as he hadn't already had a conversation with you about why she wasn't going to be eating. Did he?

There was someone on here a few months ago asking a similar thing - turned out their child wasn't able to eat with everyone else for some reason so that was an added issue but only came out in time.

Personally I think if you were invited for dinner perhaps you should have not fed her and all eaten together - could have been seen as a bit rude.

BecauseImWorthIt Thu 08-Jan-09 23:23:59

I'm sorry - but didn't we have a thread almost exactly like this some time ago?

mackenseee Thu 08-Jan-09 23:25:00

you're right, he probably did think it was setting a bad example to his DD and I can understand that. Thing is my DD doesn't eat much, she eats enough but not much. She eats early as well (about 5) and this was a meal at about 8pm so I didn't really expect her to sit at the table. Whereas his DD eats anytime and much more and goes to bed much later (about 10pm) so was having a second sitting if you see what I mean.

I didn't address it at the time because I didn't know what to say without it sounding really confrontational/aggressive. Not sure if I should have done or not?

BecauseImWorthIt Thu 08-Jan-09 23:25:00

Sorry - but you are (another) troll.

seeker Thu 08-Jan-09 23:25:13

If you got the ds for journeys why was she using it at while she was visiting someone else's house? I don't think he should have done what he did - unless you are VERY good friends indeed, but I certainly would have expected her to come to the table. But I am a notorious witch!

Carmenere Thu 08-Jan-09 23:25:21

YANBU he should have asked you before he touched her. His rules his house I suppose but he definitely should have asked you.

BoysAreLikeDogs Thu 08-Jan-09 23:25:53

here you go

BecauseImWorthIt Thu 08-Jan-09 23:26:16


TequilaMockinBird Thu 08-Jan-09 23:26:33

I think I've read this before hmm

beanieb Thu 08-Jan-09 23:26:41


this is the thread I mean. smile

It's very similar.

TequilaMockinBird Thu 08-Jan-09 23:27:05

Oops, too slow again blush

beanieb Thu 08-Jan-09 23:27:25

Tequila - you and me both! See my link. This is either someone with a very similar story or it's the same person.

mackenseee Thu 08-Jan-09 23:28:01

no, this is a genuine post. I'm not a troll, honest!

I'm asking because I didn't say anything and wonder if I should have done and how to handle a situation like this if it happens again.

TippytheTipsyTurkeychick Thu 08-Jan-09 23:28:34

well, without wanting to stir it up - it might be a genuine post,I mean it has been known for parents to have experienced similar situations before now.

You're probably right though grin

beanieb Thu 08-Jan-09 23:28:37

lol - me too slow too. HIGH FIVE! Troll alert smile

why do people do this? It's just bizzare behaviour.

TequilaMockinBird Thu 08-Jan-09 23:28:54


Some weird going-on's around here tonight!

BecauseImWorthIt Thu 08-Jan-09 23:29:06

How do we know you are not a troll given the similarity between the posts?

beanieb Thu 08-Jan-09 23:29:29

Well, I'll just leave it to other people to answer then, even if you are not a troll. I can't advise.

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