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AIBU?

DD being let down - to think this is slightly selfish, or maybe I'm too soft?

86 replies

WestEndLetdown · 16/12/2008 10:21

Have name-changed for this although I am a regular reader and poster. I'd just like to seek people's opinion on this situation as my DH feels we should just 'let it go'.

My DD, 12, has been invited to see a West End show over Xmas with her best friend and her family. We have paid for DD's ticket, btw.

Last night I received a phone call from the mother to say that for some reason, which she didn't really explain properly, she hasn't ordered enough tickets and now my DD might not be able to go unless she can secure an extra ticket (which looks unlikely). She does have enough tickets for all her own family to go though. Also, it was only when I rang back to clarify a few unclear details that the mother actually offered any form of apology.

I've explained this to my DD who is understandably very disappointed.

Both my DH and I feel that, in this situation, one of us would stand down in order not to disappoint someone else's child.

Am I expecting too much?

I should add that we do an awful lot for this girl including her coming to Centerparcs with us last year and various other treats and days out. We have already asked her to come away with us again next year, but I really don't want her to come now, even though it is clearly not the poor child's fault. WWYD?

OP posts:

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Icantbelieveitsnotbitter · 16/12/2008 10:25

What a shame - but I'm hoping the other child's parents really do have a good reason for not ordering enough tickets and are truly sorry for upsetting your daughter.

Of course, you should ensure that they are very aware how dissapointed your daughter is, but then you should also go out and book your own family a trip to the local panto, with pizza hut afterwards and have a lovely family day to look forward to !!

Hope you have a wonderful xmas xxx

TeenyTinyTorya · 16/12/2008 10:26

If it was me, I would take someone else's child and leave behind an adult member of the family - if it had all been arranged and the child was looking forward to it. I don't think YABU.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 16/12/2008 10:26

I'm sorry do you mean that you paid for a tciket and now she cannot go? Npt your problem if the stoopid woman forgot to order enough tickets. You paid for yours. I'd be seriously peed off! Tell her to not take whoever didnb't get there ticket on time.

I wouldn't stop the girl coming on holiday with you though as you say its not her fault, but I would make my feelings known to the mother.

sandcastles · 16/12/2008 10:27

Your dd should not need to feel dissappointed, you brought her a ticket, therefore she goes!

Or are they offering to reinburse you?

bigTillyMint · 16/12/2008 10:27

Poor DD

It is extremely bad manners of them, never mind unkind.

You are not wrong in thinking one of them should stand down. Anyway, why didn't she order enough in hte first place?

dingdongmerrilyonpie · 16/12/2008 10:28

That's a horrid thing to do. However if you have paid for your dds ticket, you've paid for the ticket so they can't not have a ticket for her, someone else will have to stay behind.

MissisBoot · 16/12/2008 10:28

Just let it go - it might have been planned as a family treat and although your dd was invited it might have been that she was an additional invite and that family are more important to the mother in this instance.

I do think though that even though you think you do a lot for this girl, it is your decision to invite her along to treats etc and you can't necessarily expect this to be recipricated by others.

Maybe you could do something special with your dd on that day so she didn't feel left out - make sure you get your ticket money back though! You could also ask the mother to ask her daughter not to talk about the show once they've been as your dd was very upset about not being able to go.

Miggsie · 16/12/2008 10:28

I'd wonder how someone could not work out how many people in their family plus one was.

YANBU, your DD must be so upset.

HassledElf · 16/12/2008 10:29

I'd be absolutely hopping mad - you are getting your money back, aren't you?

Dropdeadfred · 16/12/2008 10:30

did she explain what happened to your money then?

purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe · 16/12/2008 10:32

That is INCREDIBLY rude.
I too would leave an adult member of the family behind -you paid, so really the rest of it is her problem.

However, if she is a good friend, and the mum is usually a reasonable person, then I would tell her how upset your dd is, and leave it for a few days - see if her conscience sorts her out.

Will she reimburse you?

2pt4WiseMen · 16/12/2008 10:32

When you call to check on whether they have managed to get another ticket or not I'd ask what happened in a clear way so they have to explain.. say something like 'so, what actually happened with the tickets then? DD is so disappointed not to be able to go after all'

And make sure you get your money back!!!

sandcastles · 16/12/2008 10:32

MissisBoot, why should she just let it go? She has paid for a ticket & is being fobbed off because of someone's mistake, that is a terrible attitude!

Uriel · 16/12/2008 10:33

Maybe her dh wants it to just be a family treat?

piscesmoon · 16/12/2008 10:33

I agree with DH, just let it go as one of those things-you are bound to get the money back as she was unable to buy the ticket. I don't think it is anything personal-some people are just a bit scatty.

StephanieByng · 16/12/2008 10:34

Yes I'd let it go. Of course they should give you your money back, I take it that has been offered?! Other than that though I don't think there is an alternative to letting it go - what else can you do? Phone and demand one of them stays home?

Personally I would take my child on a special day out on the day to make up for it.

MissisBoot · 16/12/2008 10:42

I'd let it go because its things like this that can cause real difficulties between relationships - I'm assuming its a mistake, but some people will prioritise their family over other children and there's nothing you can do about it.

What would the OP do? Call the mother and demand that her dd goes? And when the other mother says No - what then?

I think that in the grand scheme of things its Not That Big A Deal. You don't want something like this to become an issue or come between best friends (which it could do if the other mother feels affronted by the OP) and end up in a situation where the other mother trys to stop her child being best friends with the OP's.

bonnycat · 16/12/2008 10:45

Just a thought but i wonder if the girls have had a fall out or something?It just seems very odd that they didnt order enough tickets in the first place...

iheartdusty · 16/12/2008 10:50

My guess is that there is someone else who was not included, and who the mother now thinks she has to take along, and she thinks the least worst option is to ditch your DD.

I think it is really bad, messing with your DD's hopes like this. But I agree, don't spoil the friendship over it. make the mother feel bad, make her apologise directly to your DD, then take your DD out for a family treat of your own.

spicemonster · 16/12/2008 10:52

I would be furious but I don't think there's anything you can do. Seems a mite fishy though. Surely your DD is going to be upset with her friend so she might not want her to come on holiday with you. I wouldn't take someone else's kid on holiday if they'd do that either.

sandcastles · 16/12/2008 10:56

MissisBoot, I think it will cause far greatr issues to the one being let down, tbh.

I think WestEndLetdown's dd would think it is a big deal!

MissisBoot · 16/12/2008 11:03

Like what?

Being taught that sometimes people make mistakes?

That sometimes you may really want to do something but someone elses actions mean you can't?

Isn't that just part of growing up?

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StephanieByng · 16/12/2008 11:07

agree with Missis - I do see that it will feel a big deal to the DD, and that shouldn't be made light of, but what do you suggest sandcastles? What else can the OP do but let it go (and hopefully make it up to her DD by giving some sort of special treat?)

It is actually a learning, growing up experience - not everyone can be relied on; but the parent can help the child learn the lesson as gently as possible by softening the blow IMO.

sandcastles · 16/12/2008 11:10

What, that you pay for something & don't get it? A lesson needed at 12, do you think? To learn that you can't trust your friends?

This is a Christmas treat, if it were MY family there is NO way the guest would be let down.

The other mother needs to re-asses her priorities if she feels this is acceptable! Like another poster pointed out, how hard would 'my family + 1' be to work out?

piscesmoon · 16/12/2008 11:12

Sometimes people make mistakes, especially if they have a lot on their minds and are very busy. It is a bit disappointing but these things happen.

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