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to try not to invite my mother to us for Christmas day?

(11 Posts)
deanychip Tue 04-Nov-08 12:41:48

I have 2 sisters who live within a mile of her but she has come to us for the last 3years.
She wont go to sis no1 becuase she doesnt like her partner.
Sis no2 is a single parent and mum does allot for her and my dn but she never offers my mum to go there.
Feel bad, but we always have her, i want to just not say anything until it gets so close to see if any of the others offer.

onepieceoflollipop Tue 04-Nov-08 12:45:13

I sympathise with tricky family situations (it is like this with my ils, everyone chooses not to communicate, then gets huffy/stroppy when they don't get their own way. However no one knew what they wanted in the first place!)

I think the point I am making is how well do you get on with your sisters? Could you tell them what you have said to us? Could sis 1 invite your mum regardless, and it is your mum's choice if she declines. Could your mum invite herself to sis 2, even if she is upfront and says that she would love to spend the day with them, and offers to perhaps bring some of the dinner or whatever.

Or could you all compromise and perhaps have a simple tea time get together with all 3 of you plus your mother?

unaccomplishedfattylegalmummy Tue 04-Nov-08 12:48:13

Oh god YANBU. I'm escaping to my dads this year just so I don't have entertain both my mum and MIL like we did last year. (Complete disaster).

deanychip Tue 04-Nov-08 12:49:48

Thanks onepiece, i get on ok with my sisters but it is difficult as my sis doesnt know that my mum doesnt like her partner. But thats up to her to deal with.
I will speak to my little sis and ask her because she wont want to be on her own.
They are all welcome at ours but dh always says why cant it just be us for a change?

We do Christmas breakfast where by the in laws come and my mother comes round for a huge fry up, then the ils go home, mum tends to stay.

Feel very guilty.

deanychip Tue 04-Nov-08 12:50:21

grin una!

onepieceoflollipop Tue 04-Nov-08 12:55:30

Perhaps another compromise could be that you don't have the breakfast, but invite everyone for tea say 4pm ish before the kids are too knackered to enjoy it. That gives you time for just your immediate family (but only works if you have your lunch at lunchtime I guess). Anyone coming at 4pm is asked nicely to bring a small plate of something. (or you could "invite yourselves" round to one of the sisters. Perhaps if there were loads of you your mum wouldn't notice the chap that she doesn't like!

Don't feel guilty, as you say it is up to your mum to deal with not likely dsis's partner.

onepieceoflollipop Tue 04-Nov-08 12:55:54

not liking I meant

branflake81 Tue 04-Nov-08 15:26:11

YABU. it's one day. It's Christmas. It won't kill you.

Blinglovin Tue 04-Nov-08 15:29:53

oh my word, in our family, it's like peace negotiations post WW1. There's debate, discussion, tactful finding out of situations, assessment, alliances, long term negotiation and favour trading. At some point, someone, normally my sister, opens negotiations and then the debate starts. It's quite amusing. This year has been particularly entertaining as there are multiple countries and family members to take into account! grin

TheProvincialLady Tue 04-Nov-08 15:43:31

Well the onus is on your mum actually, IMO. Either she:

1) Decides to bury the hatchet with DS1's partner for the day and goes there
2) Asks DS2 if she can go to her for the day
3) Organises something for herself

If she hasn't had an invite from you I don't see what her other options are, assuming you have made it clear that you have other plans this year.

happystory Tue 04-Nov-08 15:44:42

Yes but bran sometimes it's not just 'one day' My mother lives 200 miles away, Christmas Eve is too busy to travel, obviously can't go home on Boxing Day so in the end it's nearly a bloody week by which time festive spirit has somewhat disipated!

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