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To be narked at the fact my DH is so blinking oblivious!

(7 Posts)
UmSami Sun 02-Nov-08 23:35:31

Sorry to do one of THOSE threads...but just really need a rant and a bit of perspective before I throttle DH.
I have to say to begin with that mostly DH is absolutely brilliant, a lovely dad, and mostly lovely hubby...but sometimes hes so [steam coming from ears emoticon}
I am 40+6 and due to be induced tomorrow...
DH seems to be oblivious to this fact...
I REALLY do not want induction, had one with DS1 and was not a great birth...this is my last and really wanted to experience natural birth this time...but for a no of reasons now seems like the best time to induce, and from exam Obgyn doubts that anything will happen naturally.
Anyway...my DH just doesnt seem to get how I feel...he is so focussed on work, hasn't asked how I feel, keeps complaining about how tired HE is, and refuses to walk with me...he seems so insensitive to my feelings on this and it is really starting to upset me. I need him to get my notes from another hosp, been nagging for 3 months...has he bothered? NO! Its always tomorrow, he keeps telling me he's busy at work, I feel like we (DS and I) come a very distant second...
Note...NO I cant just get the notes myself, we live overseas, he speaks the language, I dont.
Am I being a little bit hormonal...probably me thinks, just feeling a bit neglected by him!

Kelix Sun 02-Nov-08 23:40:51

Sounds like he could do --a lot-- a little more to help out and understand how you are feeling. With a little one on the way you think work would take a back seat, however this cant be the case with everyone. Is he in a high pressure job?

Going to say the obviuos but have you sat him down and explained how you feel? It sounds like there is something major going on at work for him not to be more understanding of your situation.

Hope all goes well with the induction and that you manage to get through to your DP

wrinklytum Sun 02-Nov-08 23:41:35

Aww sweetheartXXX

Hope you have a lovely natural birth that you want. xx

Good luck.

UmSami Mon 03-Nov-08 00:05:32

Thanks! smile
DH is in v. high pressure job, pretty much 'on call' 24-7, and works rediculously long hours...I'm normally more sympathetic, he has managed to be finished by 6 yest and today...(although he was still being called whilst in hosp yesterday - sorry working week here is Sat to Wed)... he's snappy at mo as a client has messed up in an unimaginable way and is looking to DH to 'fix it' hence calls til midnight yesterday...I'm adamant he takes a week off for DS after new baby is born...I'm sure in his mind he knows that this is nigh on impossible, and he'll let me down if he doesnt...
After I just flipped on my other thread...I'm thinking this has more to do with me stressing about birth...hospital being stupid, irrational policies, and having a baby a long way from home...
Whilst i still think DH is blinkin annoying, I am being a bit unreasonable arent I?!

DeathByMonkey Mon 03-Nov-08 02:16:07

UmSami, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I was in your situation 6 months ago - living abroad, about to give birth, dh working 24/7 and feeling decidedly second best to his work. It's such a vulnerable time in your life, you really need and deserve to be looked after so you can concentrate on the rather inportant business of giving birth to your child and it must feel very difficult having to fight for attention. Where do you live? I'm in Singapore, which is a long way from home but at least they speak English here - it must be very hard not being able to communicate easily.

Re the birth, surely you still have a few days before they need to induce you - can you get them to hold off a bit and try some different more natural remedies? My ds2 was a week late so I had reflexology and ate a Thai curry and contractions started a couple of hours later!

UmSami Mon 03-Nov-08 11:22:52

DeathByMonkey...thanks for sharing your experiences...it's I don't want to say good...it's not good...comforting? (again sorry) to know that someone 'gets' where I am coming from and I'm not being totally neurotic!
We're based in Saudi, and whilst people do speak english...when it comes to telephone conversations with a large establishment its frustrating enough with Arabic let alone english!
With regards to induction...in an ideal world I would wait a bit...and right now there is a very large part of me wanting to wait...but my BIL - DS's favourite uncle - has come from UK to stay with DS during birth...whilst I hate the idea of social reasons having an impact on birth (or any other medical decission) I NEED to know that my DS is as happy and supported as possible through this...I know that his uncle, has the patience to do this, (I think! Son has just poured bubble mix all over the floor and BIL stood there looking a bit what do I do next! LOL) and my son genuinely adores him.
I've already tried all the natural remidies I know...and did with DS too...according to Obgyn my cervix is particularly thick and unlikely to dilate...wanting to wait, but think it's best for DS if I don't.
Thansk again for support, and I hope you've whipped your DH into shape in the mean time!

DeathByMonkey Mon 03-Nov-08 12:45:55

Ha ha, yes indeed, he now has a bit better understanding of the way to behave when I'm pregnant and/or hormonal!grin

Must be nice to have your BIL there - how long is he staying for? My mum came over for my birth but it wasn't particularly stress free because as soon as I'd passed my due date all the little comments started about how late I was and how she would be SO sad to miss the birth - all things guaranteed to make you tense up and delay it happening!

What's it like living in Saudi? I know a couple of people who've just gone to Dubai but don't really know that part of the world myself.

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