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DH at his mum's again...

(24 Posts)
misshardbroom Sun 02-Nov-08 14:17:59

...I suspect I probably am being a bit unreasonable, but tell me what you think.

DH's mother lives 200 miles away from us. BIL & SIL live 2 minutes round the corner from her. Recently she had an operation which means that although she's not 'ill' as such, she's convalescing for about 12 weeks, can't drive in that time, can't really move around much and so is largely housebound. I honestly really do sympathise with her and wish we could do more to help. Also, I don't expect BIL & SIL to do everything, as that's not fair.

However, DH & I have 3 children, the eldest of whom is 5. DH is at work all week, and I do two evenings and all day Saturday as an agency nurse. That means that Sunday is our only day as a family, but since MIL's operation, he's been going there every other weekend for all of Sunday, not getting back until after the children are in bed.

It means we have even less time together, plus I have no time off from work or childcare, he's really knackered (and therefore bad-tempered) from the driving, and it's costing us about £100 extra each month in fuel (might not sound a lot to some of you, but to us it's a lot).

We don't all go because she lives in a tiny little sheltered accommodation flat and she gets really stressed about toddlers in it, plus we'd get back so late on a school night.

I wouldn't ever say to him that he can't go, but AIBU to be a bit fed up with it?

WorzselMummage Sun 02-Nov-08 14:20:14

You'd do it for your Mum wouldnt you ?

deanychip Sun 02-Nov-08 14:22:14

Its not for long though is it.
Its every other weekend as well, not for ever.
I do see your point and i would feel the same as you, but as its only for a short time, i would put up and shut up.

sympathies smile

beeny Sun 02-Nov-08 14:22:50

I can understand why you are fed up.Hugs from me

Janos Sun 02-Nov-08 14:23:34

YANBU to be a bit fed up with it and you aren't awful for saying so.

3 children under 5 on your own is knackering.

Tigerschick Sun 02-Nov-08 14:24:38

I don't blame you for being fed up but, as others have said, it's not forever and, if the boot was on the other foot, you'd want to do it for you mum, surely.

Hope your MIL is better soon, for everyone's sake smile

theSuburbanDryad Sun 02-Nov-08 14:24:39

Are your BIL & SIL doing the other weekend?

I think YANBU for being fed up with it - 3 months is a long time with no time off from work or childcare - but YABU to say anything to him about it. The extra £100 a week would be worrying me though - are you sure you can soak up that extra cost, because I know we couldn't!

misshardbroom Sun 02-Nov-08 14:28:39

yep, Worzel, I would do it for my mum, you're right. (Although as a side issue, my mum also does a tremendous amount for me, which is more than can be said for any member of DH's family!)

BIL & SIL are doing their share too, to be fair, although their one child is 17 so less demanding on a minute by minute level.

It's 'only' another £100 per month, not per week, but the way things currently stand, we're struggling to absorb it!

deanychip Sun 02-Nov-08 14:32:50

£100 is a lot of money especially this near Christmas though isnt it.
theres not a great deal your mil can do from 200 miles away is there to help you. ( a WHOLE other thread is that tho!Dont get me started)
Sympathies for you, i think most people will have nothing but sympathy for you with this.

Mutt Sun 02-Nov-08 14:37:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hercules1 Sun 02-Nov-08 14:39:38

I feel for you and can see why you are feeling the way you do. I do think though it's one of those unavoidable things.

hercules1 Sun 02-Nov-08 14:43:37

I feel for you and can see why you are feeling the way you do. I do think though it's one of those unavoidable things.

hercules1 Sun 02-Nov-08 14:43:41

I feel for you and can see why you are feeling the way you do. I do think though it's one of those unavoidable things.

hercules1 Sun 02-Nov-08 14:43:47

I feel for you and can see why you are feeling the way you do. I do think though it's one of those unavoidable things.

hercules1 Sun 02-Nov-08 14:44:02

I feel for you and can see why you are feeling the way you do. I do think though it's one of those unavoidable things.

hercules1 Sun 02-Nov-08 14:44:12

I feel for you and can see why you are feeling the way you do. I do think though it's one of those unavoidable things.

hercules1 Sun 02-Nov-08 14:44:41

oops blush

purpleduck Sun 02-Nov-08 14:54:09

hee hee hercules


Broom
I can see why it would upset you, but I also think its lovely that your dh is so caring

MadameCastafiore Sun 02-Nov-08 14:56:04

I hope DS is as considerate as your DH when he is older.

fizzbuzz Sun 02-Nov-08 15:50:04

I think perhaps as yet, you have been quite lucky with regard to ageing relatives.

It is v v v stressful when parents start to fail/or are ill. I had to look after my mum when ds was quite young, and it was SO stressful. Not enough hours in the day etc etc.

I completely and totlly understand your resentment.... totally normal imo, but there is nothing you can do about it. Dh can't split himself in 2 and this situation is quite common

So I would say, you are being resonable in your unreasonableness if that makes sense grin. The situation makes you unreasonable, but normal reaction in the circs.

Just wait it out is all you can do...

fizzbuzz Sun 02-Nov-08 15:50:59

Also, I guess your in-laws are doing all the stuff in the week as well.....

bubblagirl Sun 02-Nov-08 16:00:01

i think he must feel torn as he has a family a mum he is worrying about and in all honesty i would drop everything if my mum was in need and i know my dp would too

its stressful having the children on your own and losing that money but in my opinion money means nothing as long as i know my familya re ok i am very close to my mum and would go into debt to help her

but i understand how you feel my dp works away alot so im alone alot maybe thats why id not mind so much

but its his mum he is trying to please you all and maybe distance is what stops them doing more for you but either way it doesnt matter who does more for who she is not well and its his mum he is just doing what alot of people do not do any more an dthats look out for there family

id be proud i know too many poeple who's families dont bother with them

AbbeyA Sun 02-Nov-08 16:14:59

He wouldn't be a very caring person if he didn't do his best for his mother.
Couldn't you have her to stay instead?

needsomeonetotalkto Sun 02-Nov-08 17:04:00

YANBU. I can totally see where you are coming from, you've got 3 young kids and work hard and must be a bit stressed and knackered to say the least! But, it is his mum and if he feel he needs to be there then I think for now you might have to put up with it.smile Take it easy if you ever get the chance.smile

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