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To tell my mother in law she can't bring her dog to stay?

(85 Posts)
cheesesandwich Fri 31-Oct-08 09:22:07

My in laws have a big, badly behaved, 2 year old red setter, and we (me, DH and DD (15 months)) live in a small terraced house in London, with no garden. Last year, we asked them to come for Christmas, but told them they couldn't bring the dog. They said that this put them in the intolerable position of choosing between spending Christmas with their grand daughter or their dog. They chose the dog, and didn't come. We asked them again this year, but have been told that if the dog isn't welcome, we clearly don't welcome them into our home and so they're not coming. (Ever? I'm starting to hope so...). Of course, we could go to theirs for Christmas, but they live a long way away, and we always have a miserable time, so we'd much rather be at home - especially now we've got DD. So am I being unreasonable??

JodieO Fri 31-Oct-08 09:23:38

YANBU, I'd look at it the other way and say if they wanted to choose their dog over seeing their family then they clearly don't want to see you.

RubyShivers Fri 31-Oct-08 09:24:55


they chose their dog over their granddaughter last year

am surprised they got a repeat invitiation

there are kennels, dog/house sitters they could use

Pinkjenny Fri 31-Oct-08 09:25:36



barbiehouse Fri 31-Oct-08 09:27:42

if they live with their dog, but only rarely see their granddaughter, then their dog may well feel more like family to them. How long are they staying - could they keep the dog i car for periods? I feel sorry for you - but you're both in a no win situation. I fthey did bring the dog it could be a nightmare - my ILs had one that stole food, ripped up toys, presents etc, so i know how annoying it can be

expatinscotland Fri 31-Oct-08 09:27:47


We faced the same problem last weekend.

Two medium-sized, VERY badly behaved dogs belonging to the ILs.

The kennel had no place for them and even though their daughter was house-sitting, they insisted on bringing their vile dogs.

So they stayed in a lodge and had to put teh dogs in the car wherever they went as the younger dog claws doors when they leave and damages doors.

They want to repeat that experience, that's their call, but I'm not having ill-behaved dogs in a rental house that belongst to friends of ours and around three little kids.

You know, if that they're unreasonable about their damn dog, stuff 'em.

Enjoy your Xmas without them.

needmorecoffee Fri 31-Oct-08 09:41:41

your house, your rules.
And who prefers their animal to their grandchild?

JodieO Fri 31-Oct-08 09:42:40

Barbie are you serious? Their dog feels more like family than their own child and grandchild???! Unbelieveable. Surely people don't actually think like that? Amazing.

RubyShivers Fri 31-Oct-08 09:44:17


a no win situation? really

i think it is pretty clear cut

expatinscotland Fri 31-Oct-08 09:45:22

oh, it's a win situation for the OP.

great excuse not to have these inconsiderate people coming over with their vile dog wrecking your house and frightening your kids.

RubyShivers Fri 31-Oct-08 09:46:25

true Expat!

So, have you had any twinges? you are due today aren't you??

MamaG Fri 31-Oct-08 09:46:54

YANBU at all

silly fuckers

expatinscotland Fri 31-Oct-08 09:47:12

nothing, Ruby.

have a sweep on Sunday IF DS has gotten his head down any.

even then, the midwife will still schedule the induction for 12 november.

RubyShivers Fri 31-Oct-08 09:48:24

hope it all goes well for you smile

filz Fri 31-Oct-08 09:49:59

yes i think you are being a bit unreasonable.

I dont like putting my dogs in kennels and I am fully aware my children are more important. My mum lets me take my dogs to her house (they sleep in an outhouse) The last time my dogs went to jkennels they both became seriously ill and aswell as being stressful it cost me alot of money.

Yabu because you wont visit them and you want everything on your terms. That is being unreasonable. Being reasonable requires compromise

lucykate Fri 31-Oct-08 09:50:00

we are going to have this issue crop up as my mum and stepdad have just got a dog. they usually come and visit us 3-4 times a year, no way can they bring the dog. firstly, dd is scared of dogs, secondly neither myself or dh like dogs or want one in our house, and thirdly, we have a cat.


expatinscotland Fri 31-Oct-08 09:50:10

just think of the dog running round your house and that will strengthen your resolve.

needmorecoffee Fri 31-Oct-08 09:58:07

why is it unreasoanble not watning dogs in your house? They are animals and smell.
My mother has 4 of them and treats them like babies. They are banned from my house.

expatinscotland Fri 31-Oct-08 09:59:18

they're fecking dogs, not people.

she doesn't have a garden.

LittleBellaLugosi Fri 31-Oct-08 10:00:14

Dog owners who expect to take their dogs everywhere, had better make sure that their dogs are absolutely 100% well behaved all the time.

I only know one dog owner who expects her dog to be welcome wherever she goes. And surprise surprise, her dog is not well-behaved.

noonki Fri 31-Oct-08 10:00:57

I know someone who chooses their new girlfriends dog over their daughter hmm

filz Fri 31-Oct-08 10:01:02

she has said in the original post she is refusing to visit them, so its not just about the dog at all

LittleBellaLugosi Fri 31-Oct-08 10:01:19

I don't think anyone should expect other people to welcome their animals into their homes tbh.

If there's a garden OK as long as the pet is well-behaved. If there isn't, no, you can't expect to be able to take your dog.

filz Fri 31-Oct-08 10:02:13

ansd asking about banning dogs on mumsnet is like asking on a catholic site whether people like the pope

Freckle Fri 31-Oct-08 10:03:21

How does dh feel about it? I find it odd that they can say that, if you say no to the dog, it's because you don't want to see them, but can't see that insisting on bringing the dog, knowing you'll say no, means they clearly don't want to see you.

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