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AIBU?

to be p****d off with friends boasts about children's achievements/teachers parents eve comments?

26 replies

illgohometotara · 28/10/2008 14:45

e.g 'teacher said are both very very intelligent' elder has reading age that can no longer be measured etc. My own (dd8 ds5)are similar ages and fairly average but seem to be popular and happy we are encouraging particularly of effort rewarding with lots of praise. Friend also knows dd had some problems making progress with reading.

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Upwind · 28/10/2008 14:47

do you tell your friend that your DC are popular and happy?

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illgohometotara · 28/10/2008 14:49

only after was absolutely sick of her going on and on. Have other friends with bright (ie. recognised gifted and talented children) and doesn't upset me the way this has.

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MrsMattie · 28/10/2008 14:49

Why are you pissed off? Your friends are proud and happy with their childrens progress. What's wrong with that?

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Tortington · 28/10/2008 14:51

the trick is to lie.

really she said that to you - i think it must be the standard pat, becuase i got told exactly the same thing.

or

Yars dahlink i know, she said that mine were likley to ace the exam for the local grammar, but dh is against.

or

thats funny, becuase she was telling me that she really dislikes sucky ass mums.

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illgohometotara · 28/10/2008 14:53

Course ok to be proud but has become sole topic of her conversation just thought some things you discuss with husband/partner/family etc so you not comparing with friends children

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MrsMattie · 28/10/2008 14:55

Maybe you could just steer her away from the topic next time? Is real issue that she is becoming a complete bore?

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illgohometotara · 28/10/2008 14:59

no we good friends and this seems to be recent whole focus of everything when I have my nice head on I know it really more to do with her self esteem as having marriage problems. I just uncomfortable with whole 'best fastest first' thing and don't always know what to say

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Weegle · 28/10/2008 15:02

well if you know it's more to do with her self-esteem because she's feeling shaken at the moment can't you remind yourself of that and let it go?

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wannaBe · 28/10/2008 15:02

nothing wrong with being proud of your children, but imo there's a difference between being proud of them "oh I'm so proud of x and how well she's doing" and rubbing others' noses in it "oh x is so fabulous and so much better than all the other chilren and don't you wish your child was as clever as mine."

There is a parent of a child in ds' year (there are two classes) who is like this. She told another parent that her dd's reading is so great and that she should actually be on a higher level but there is no other child in the year who is as good as her so all the other children are actually holding her back. And this is complete bollocks because she quite happily boasted about what level her child is on and I know that my ds and at least one other child is on a higher level, but there is no need for others to know that. so I said:

"I don't know why people are so bothered about how well their 5 year olds are reading. Truely it doesn't matter, when they leave school they'll all be reading the same stuff anyway."

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illgohometotara · 28/10/2008 15:04

that is v true and exactly what I would say to someone else sometimes its just hard to be a grown up

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illgohometotara · 28/10/2008 15:07

sorry that was v true to weegle. Wannabe i agree and I feel there is a little of that about it has also posted the v v intelligent comment on facebook too

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CookieMonster2 · 28/10/2008 15:07

I'm going to add a bit of support for the op here. I have a friend who is always talking about how amazingly talented her children are and how difficult it is to keep up with them etc, and it gets really boring after a while. The funny thing is her definition of talented is that they can do more than what is expected as a minimum for their age.

From watching my own daughter what I have realised is that kids are good at some things and not so good at others. I sometimes think my daughter is amazing because she is so much better at some things than others, but then realise that she is struggling with something they all find straightforward.

Even if your children are genuinelly (sp?) talented, it is incredibly boring and irritating to boast about it to other people. I know how proud you feel when your children do really well, but I wouldn't expect other people to feel the same way.

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twinsetandpearls · 28/10/2008 15:13

I think it is a shame if you can't be proud for your friends children. Of course no one should put other people's children down or go on about it endlessly. I have one of those golden children who is good at everything (apart from behaving ) and while I don't boast endlessly I will share her achievements because I am proud.

I would not have made that comment back wannabe if you know that in your head is that not enough, way try and make her feel small.

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illgohometotara · 28/10/2008 15:13

we have a parent at school (not a friend) who has been known to go up to children grab their reading folder and get book out to see what level they are on! She pretends it is a joke but of course is not

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Troutpout · 28/10/2008 15:15

yanbu
rather insensitive too if she knows that you have a dd struggling with reading

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twinsetandpearls · 28/10/2008 15:20

Well of course that is ridiculous illgohometotara I have no idea or interest in how children are doing in comparison to other children. As a teacher myself I know she is going well for her age but so could everybody else be in her class.

If you can say to her my child is struggling she should be able to say my child is doing well, that is what a friendship is about.

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mabanana · 28/10/2008 15:20

lol at Custardo. Fantastic advice. Will take the wind right out of her sails. LOVE 'Ha ha ha they say that to everyone!'

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illgohometotara · 28/10/2008 15:23

thats the bit that niggles. We work together in a library we have a parent who comes regularly for Ox Reading Tree books early stages (1 or 2) as her ds is struggling a little i always chat and try to be extra helpful and considerate as know what worry it can be mid conversation friend announces that her ds (same age) is now on stage 5 I felt really embarassed about it

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DaphneMoon · 28/10/2008 15:23

I couldn't care less how the other children in my DS's class are doing. I am only interested if he is going well and achieving what he should be for his age. I have to say there is nothing wrong with being proud though!

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twinsetandpearls · 28/10/2008 15:24

That is daft illgohometotara and I would never announce in such circumstances what stage dd is at for reading, in fact I don;t know so couldn;t anyway.

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wannaBe · 28/10/2008 15:25

twinset, because she goes out of her way to make others feel small. Examples:

recently a friend's dd didn't want to be left at a birthday party and this woman said, "oh, I imagine it's so horrible when they're like that. Of course mine was never like that." re reading the same friend, "oh I imagine your dd isn't nearly at the level of mine, but then she was an august baby wasn't she so she can't possibly be expected to be as advanced as my dd yet." and the comment re all the other children holding her's back, and at a recent ballet thing her's and other friends' dd's attended "of course your dd is in this group, because she's just not good enough to be in the same group as my dd."

The competitive reading pisses me off more than anything though, because I spend a lot of time in school reading with children, and the reality is that none of them care. They all read equally enthusiastically whether their books contain 30 pages or three words.

I am immensely proud of my ds. He is achieving way above average. But I don't feel the need to put others' children down in order to get across how proud of him I am. That's not being proud - it's being smug, and unnecessary imo.

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illgohometotara · 28/10/2008 15:25

sorry not same age he is younger

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noonki · 28/10/2008 15:30

i would be annoyed if she knew that one of my DCs were struggling, but not if they were doing OK.

I am normally really pleased that my mates kids are doing well.

Wannabe - I hate women like that, it will not do her kids any favours in the long run either.

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twinsetandpearls · 28/10/2008 15:32

She sounds like a complete cow

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DANCESwithLordPsGhost · 28/10/2008 15:33

I tend to save my boasting for the grandparents who all love to hear that their suspicions of genius in all their grandchildren is confirmed

I have ONE friend who is a boaster though so I boast back and we can both sit and be smug about how fab our children are so that's fine!


I do HATE how 'inappropriate' it is for us to be proud and pleased with our children's successes anywhere apart from home though.

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