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AIBU?

to be angry with my 4yo dd for keeping me up half the night ?

52 replies

noonar · 28/10/2008 08:28

a bit of background...its been a really shit week. for many reasons:

my FIL had open heart surgery yesterday and we still don't really know how he's doing.
self employed dh has decided he can no longer afford to draw a salary from his company so we are in financial difficulties.
we had to cancel our skiing holiday- balance due on friday.
am feeling low and am trying to salavage something from a rather shitty half term week, so decided to take the dds-4 and 6- to london to the natural history museum. we were going to go today as soon as we hear how fil is doing (he's too poorly for visits)

but...dd decided to make things even harder for us. as well as being v attention seeking and calling out for an hour at bed timelast night, she kept us up for a good hour plus during the night having a tantrum. i couldnt get back to sleep, so now feel even more shit and have decided we are not going to london.

i feel really cross with dd2 for adding to our stress and am really resentful that she has spoiled our day.

i know that its not her fault that its been such a dreadful week, but AIBU to expect a 4yo understand the consqeuences
of keeping us all up half the night??

OP posts:

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liahGeneMutatedMonster · 28/10/2008 08:31

how about

forget about whatever happened yesterday, Start this day fresh and all go off to london as if you've slept for a week.

sometimes when we're having a really crap sunday. Ie noone likes anyone else, dh grumpy. we all go to the park. End up spending couple hours chasing cobwebs away, and everyone feels better when we return.

hugs to you. Hope you have some good news soon.

2point4kids · 28/10/2008 08:33

It all sounds horribly stressful. Poor you.
I bet you will have a better day if you get out and go on the trip though, you'll enjoy it once you are there even if you are tired. If you stay at home you'll end up having another horrible day.
Your DD may have picked up on all the stress and worry and be unsettled at night because she has over heard things and is worried about her Grandad.
Go out for the day! take her (and your!) mind off your worries x

filz · 28/10/2008 08:34

right

dont take her to the museum, end of

but

you are having an AWFUL AWFUL time and it is not your dd's fault. You would be suprised (as I am) how much children 'pick up on'. She is most probably overly worried but doesnt know how to express herself well enough

How are you? Have you got any other ways of making money? are you working?

noonar · 28/10/2008 08:34

thanks liah, but i think i may reschedule for tomorrow. dd2 is not a good wlaker, she'll be tired herself and start whinging to be carried. i cant see it working.

however, if she does the same tonight, i will leave her at her grandmother's and just take her older sister................IS THAT UNREASONABLE??

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filz · 28/10/2008 08:35

yes it is unreasonable

shootfromthehip · 28/10/2008 08:36

I'm more hardline- bad choices have consequences in our house. If she chose to be a wee monkey in the middle of the night, then she doesn't deserve to go somewhere nice. You should do something nice for DC1 as it isn't their fault. Oh kids suck sometimes. Hope you can get through this difficult time and that FIL is ok. Bummer about the skiing too.

liahGeneMutatedMonster · 28/10/2008 08:38

hmm not sure really. I'm a bit of a softy where leaving lo's out of treats are concerned. I do think 4 is still very young. I'm sure someone more reasonable will come along for that bit for you?

agree with whoever it was that said she may be picking up on other family stresses.

What are her tantrums about it the night?

You're right to reschedule if she will not enjoy it through being tired. Maybe just a trip to feed ducks or something today? at least get out a bit.

shootfromthehip · 28/10/2008 08:38

If behaviour is crap tonight then no. That said depends on how 'mature' a 4 yr old you have. Would she understand?

noonar · 28/10/2008 08:38

Thanks all for your kind words. bizarrely, its only writing it all down on here that has made me realise just what a shit week its been. no wonder i feel crap!

filz, which bit is unreasonable, to leave her behind, be angry, or both?

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RoseOfTheOrient · 28/10/2008 08:39

yeah but she is only 4 - she probably didn't CHOOSE to wake up and then not be able to settle. It does sound like she is picking up on all the stress - don't take it out on her.
Hope your FIL is OK - must be so worrying....

filz · 28/10/2008 08:40

to leave her behind. She is too young to understand (or even remember) what its about

shootfromthehip · 28/10/2008 08:40

Disciplining and not cutting your nose off to spite your face are difficult things to balance. Def get out with them today. Explain the possible consequences of misbehaviour tonight and if it goes wrong then she was well warned and that is fair IMO.

noonar · 28/10/2008 08:41

she's quite clever, but was only 4 is july. she says she's sorry, but lacks the will power/ maturity to change her behviour and 'show' that she is sorry.

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2point4kids · 28/10/2008 08:41

I just think that if she normally sleeps well, then a disturbed night indicates more of a need for attention/pampering than it does punishment, as she is obviously not feeling herself.
I expect she is picking up on all the stress.

If you are cross at her all day then she may well have another bad night tonight if she goes to bed worrying.

Tortington · 28/10/2008 08:43

surely there is a cost associated with getting to london? eating in london? if your dh can't afford to draw a wage it mighn't be the best idea anyway.

sorry about FIL.

Reallytired · 28/10/2008 08:43

I don't think that its fair to blame a four year old for what you listed for 1 to 4. I think you are exggerating, being kept up for an hour is not half the night. Its 1/12 of the night. If you found you could not get back to sleep for hours after the tantrum then its not your four year old causing that.

Its not fun having broken nights, but I think you are unreasonable to suggest that our four year old has completely spoiled your day. Although its not pleasant broken nights are a fact of life if you have young children. Four year olds will act like four year olds.

If you are feeling shit, then I think its better to look at true reasons why you are feeling shit and why you couldn't sleep. Are you sleeping well at the moment with all the stress you are under. It is those reasons that are spoiling your day rather than your four year.

I suggest that you let your four year old watch a bit of TV for two hours and have a nap. In the afternoon make an effort to do something nice. There are lots of nice things you can do without going off to London.

liahGeneMutatedMonster · 28/10/2008 08:44

good point 2point4. Try to make today nothing to do with yesterday.

(said as she herself posting for advice on spiteful 3 yr old, lol)

noonar · 28/10/2008 08:44

2point, the attention seeking at bed time is pretty normal for her- the night time waking is not. she will often at bed time call out over a period of half an hour with various requests and even makes stuff up to get attention eg shouting 'sis is out of bed!'- when her sis is in fact still tucked up. we have nice cuddly bedtimes with story, bath etc- but if she can't sleep straight away she is tricky.

OP posts:

noonar · 28/10/2008 08:48

custardo, we were going to take a packed lunch then eat at my brother's and so we are just talking £25ish train fare really. was going to be our one treat this half term.

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needmorecoffee · 28/10/2008 08:50

she's 4. I don't think they really understand. my dd is 4 and is up every night screaming.

noonar · 28/10/2008 08:51

i know, i know reallytired, but lack of sleep doesnt make you rational, does it?

... we've been talking about the dinosaurs a lot lately, so i'd like to see it through if poss.

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noonar · 28/10/2008 08:52

needmore, do you stay clam? how do you manage it?

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noonar · 28/10/2008 08:52

calm-lol

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Tortington · 28/10/2008 08:52

i think thats alot of money considering you just cancelled a holiday. however you surely know the circumstances better than i = hope you have a great day.

liahGeneMutatedMonster · 28/10/2008 08:54

its like euston station in my house during the night.

Me and dh sleep in the loft conversion

2nd floor, dd 13 sleeps alone and with her door firmly closed

dd 3yrs and dd18mths share bedroom

ds11 and ds5 share room

every night dd 18 mths wakes at some point for feed, (bf)
disturbs dd 3 who then comes to our bed.

I go to her bed, feed dd 18m ths then stay in dd 3's bed, (she is now in with dh)

sometimes ds 5 will have nightmare so comes to our bed. Either me or dh will get out and either put him back or get in his bed, (usually me cos i know i will have to get up to feed 18 mths dd at some point)

sound like fun?

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