We have friends who met through us - the woman was my flatmate and the man was DP's oldest friend. For 10 years we've been a foursome, live near each other, hang out, even some holidays together. They always had an odd relationship where she called the shots and he appeared to be a doormat, but we thought they were happy.
Then this spring, he had an affair with a colleague, decided to leave to be with her and her kids in another town (he and his DP have no kids) and revealed all to his DP. Followed by the whole thing collapsing as he realised it was all based on nothing and he didn't really want to leave his home, it was just an infatuation etc. But their relationship had broken down so we let him stay with us.
I assumed he would have his tail between his legs and show some humility and helpfulness, but he was bacisally crap. he did hardly any housework, seriously outstayed his welcome (he was here 3 months) and completely failed to respect my wishes as regards not being around when I needed to work (I work at home, shouldn't have been a problem as he has a f-t job, but he kept turning up mid-afternoon) and also, which infuriated me, agreeing to be out when we had a babysitter (agency, not a friend he knew), then turning up mid-evening. He got pissed, made a mess all the time... I feel bad because he did make the occasional effort to make a gesture eg buying takeaways, but that's not the same as doing the fecking dishes... he was less helpful than my 3yo DS!
I really had my fill of him and was furious by the time he finally left - he got a rented flat after months of turning his nose up at what was available, when my DP finally insisted he shift his arse and stop being such a prima donna about finding the perfect flat.
Meanwhile, he and his (ex?) DP are having counselling (which is going appallingly according to her), trying to talk things over, supposedly considering getting back together etc but it's been over 6 months now and I get the feeling it's not happening. At first she needed a lot of support of course but now she says she doesn't want to discuss it with anyone - I suspect because people will tell her to end it once and for all - and it's just in limbo. He hasn't crawled or begged for forgiveness, he's just blobbing in his flat and being a bit crap, and she's apparently putting off the inevitable. Or maybe they will get back together, I don't know. It's awkward because he still winds me up so much, I really don't want to see him, but he's DP's mate and DP has him round a lot. Xmas is coming which we usually do with them, and we also usually go away with them at new year, and I'm dreading it. But DP gets upsets if I'm not nice to this man because he's had a rough time and needs friends etc.
Am I a cow? I'm really struggling to be civil to him and he can tell. And if we all do have to rub along I'm not sure how I can start feeling better about it.
Sorry long, maybe I just need to rant about it, but if anyone has wise words...
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To still have a problem with this friend? I know I should be "nice" but...
8 replies
snowleopard · 27/10/2008 20:43
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