To want my 12yr old dd to take back the pencil skirt she brought today

[mdrooney]

My dds had some birthday money and dd1 who is 13 and dd2 who is 12 went up the local high street today on there own to river island, now dd1 came back with a red mini skirt and dd2 a pencil skirt now dd1s skirt is not far above the knee and with thick black tights or leggings I think is accceptable, it dosent look tarty at all but dd2 bought a pencil skirt and although its longer it shows off all her curves and makes her look alot older then she is, now dd2 is taller then dd1 and looks older then her 12yrs already and she put the skirt on and it does look nice but I dont think it is approtiate at all, so there has been a almighty row because I want her to take it back she thinks that I am totally being unreasonable as it was her Birthday money, but I would not be happy her wearing it what do you think am I being unreasonable to not want my 12yr old to look older, both girls are into fashion and enjoyed going to River island on their own should I veto all that they by

[nooonki]

I wouldnt like it. When I see pre-teens or young teens dressed up to old always reminds me of the term 'jailbait'

[CapnJadetheKnife]

she is 12.

You are being perfectly reasonable to veto what she buys. It;s called responsible parenting.

[Crocodilius]

You're her mother.
You get the casting vote.

[mdrooney]

I have never had this problem before as we have never had a falling out over what they wear before, they do like fashion but dont like the tarty look even saying themselves when girls look tarty, it is the first time that dd2 has gone and bought something herself so I think she is a bit disappointed I dont like it, Think I will go to River Island with her tommrow and see if we can change it for something more appropaite for her age. I hope that this is not a taster of things to come.

[soultaken]

hmmm difficult one. The problem is, she's bought it now, and with her own money too.

If it's not a short skirt, in what way is it inappropriate. Would if look ok with a jumper and flat shoes?

[mdrooney]

soultaken its a pencil skirt so it is very tight and clingy, dd1 bought a shortish skirt but not tight and I dont have a problem with that with thick tights or leggings, but the pencil skirt did make dd2 look alot older she would only were it with flats anyway but it just made me feel uncomfatable how grown up it looked.

[mdrooney]

soultaken its a pencil skirt so it is very tight and clingy, dd1 bought a shortish skirt but not tight and I dont have a problem with that with thick tights or leggings, but the pencil skirt did make dd2 look alot older she would only were it with flats anyway but it just made me feel uncomfatable how grown up it looked.

[PortofinoPumpkin]

But she IS growing up and this is the start of it. She was trusted to go shopping and get something she wanted - and that was that. It must be really hard and I feel for you. But today it is a skirt and tomorrow it will be lipstick, and then it will be boyfriends......And I KNOW where you're coming from and I so don't long for the day when it's MY dd doing this.....

[solidgoldskullonastick]

Hmm. A pencil skirt is not a peephole bra or a Porn Star t-shirt. I wonder if you're objecting to the fact that she is growing up.

[mdrooney]

I am not objecting to dds growing and give them free reign on certian things as some things are a right of passage of growing up, but what I am objecting to is that sometimes dd1 & dd2 who looks older then 12 seem to get oggled at by boys and men and I want to hold a banner up saying she is only 12 for ffs she is not awear of her sexuallity and the pencil skirt does make her look alot older then her years and exagurates her curves.

[chapeloffearstickchick]

i think the problem is river island stuff isnt imo aimed at 12 year olds perhaps you need to say certain shops are ok for spending birthday money(disney shop ) in but shops like river island you need to agree first???

[PortofinoPumpkin]

probably the clothes don't make any difference. Boys are NOT interested in clothes. IME anyone at my grammar school with uniform on was almost de facto considered sexy. An i'm pretty certain most of us weren't. The lesson here is less in the pencil skirt and more in preparing dd for what to do "with boys"

[mumeeee]

I would have more of a problem with the min skirt than the pencil skirt. Ok it's not your choice but she bought it with her Birthday money,

[mdrooney]

Thats the thing dds still love the disney shop so would be very happy for dd to spend her money there, Portofino dds uniform is very stict no rolling of the skirt and a bit gros (I love it) and they seem to look their age in it. I think we will have a chat tommrow then maybe go up and get something that is a bit more wearable, I just know that I am going to have alot more of these sort of problems as dds get older, the thing is I rember having them with my mum and thinking she was totally unreasonable at the time.

[BitOfFun]

I have a daughter the same age and I do sympathize. I think I would try and explain nicely that it is the kind of fashion designed for older girls that will bring her hassle and attention she doesn't need at her age. I would stress that you aren't annoyed with her or saying she's at fault, but you'd like her to choose something else. If you go on a shopping trip with her you can chat about the sort of stuff which is ok and not ok. I hope you work it out, and let us know how you get on? From what I remember at that age, I used to hate feeling that my mum was implying I was a slut and/or infantilising me, but I think with a bit of sensitivity rather than disapproval you can avoid this and come out of it closer. Good luck!

[bellabelly]

In my first year at secondary school, our first ever textiles project was to make ourselves a pencil skirt (this was in the 80s so they were probably a bit more fashionable then!). If SHE likes it then I think you are being a bit mean tbh.

[Waltzywotzy]

I know it was birthday money and a treat to go and spend it, but I think river island is an expensive place and I would want to be around when they are spending their money.

I am happy for dd1 (12) to choose socks, bags etc and spend £10 - £15, but she won't take more than that to go to town with if she is without me.

Totally understand about a 12 and 13 year olds looking older than their years and trying to find nice fashion for them, without making them look too grown up. It's hard.

[Skramble]

my lovely exh got DD some skinny jeans for her birthday, which she makes out she loves but funnily enough she has worn them once and they have never seen the light of day since then.

I think the fact that she dances and does gymnastics around the house and cartwheels up the street means she is not really the kind of girl who wants to wear clothes that actually restrict the way she moves, she couldn't sit on the floor properly, tie her shoes and a whole lot of other stuff.

[MrsWeasleyIsTheCrazyHatLady]

The uniform at DD's school is skirts that can be 12cm above the knee I hate it and have for 2 years avoided it by DD wearing trousers or the skirt I bought for her but this year she has her own money and bought a pelmet instead of a skirt.

I mentioned to another mum that I was going to misplace the skirt this holiday and was told to "lighten up, they all wear then tight and short"

DD too looks lovely but it leaves nothing to the imagination. It is mid thigh (at best), and 2 sizes too small.

Its dreadful isnt it all I can say is tread carefully otherwise she will hate you and you will ruin her life (according to DD!).

[solidgoldskullonastick]

OK I have a DS, no DDs and my DS is only 4 so I am not having to deal with this sort of thing but I wonder if you're all sending the right messages to your DDs by not letting them wear certain clothes because of what men might think? WOuldn't it be better to teach them that men who say/do rude things are the ones with the problem and shoudl be told to piss off? It's not good for girls to have to worry about What Men Might Do all the time - especially given that most men are not actually going to leap on a girl and assault her just because she looks nice.

[Popple]

Hear hear solidgoldskullonastick!
I have 2 dds and I totally agree with what you are saying....in principle anyway.

mdrooney - do you think other people will judge you and your parenting skills by what you allow her to wear? Are you concerned about her safety? Or does she just look slightly tacky in it?
Not an attack by the way. I have 2 dds and have all this to come. Just thinking aloud. I won't let my 5yr old wear those tiny heels from Next that her friends all seem to have. I'm not sure why. It just seems wrong and gives her a slight wiggle. Lip gloss wearing on a little 'un freaks me out too.

[SmugColditz]

She can't help having curves. Speaking as a girl who was effectively shrouded from sight by being bought no clothes at all from the age of 11 (meaning I had to wear my mother's), let her have her skirt. let her have it with thick tights, but let her have it, or she'll do what I did when I was 16 and got my first wage packet, and spend it all on slutty shoes, miniskirts, low cut tops, hookeresque makeup and vodka.

[littleducks]

Looking older than she is and wearing clothes that emphasis that will unfortunately do her no good.

Believe me i was her at age 12/13.

It is hard on her but you are her mum and it is your job until she is mature enough to understand fully.