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to not want to go back to my hell hole town for Christmas - actually I am being unreasonable but can you understand why?

(58 Posts)
twinsetandpearls Sun 26-Oct-08 10:46:07

We have just escaped a hell hole town, we have been planning and saving for our escape for years. We now have a lovely house in a lovely part of Dorset with lovely views (see pics on profile I am not lying [smug emoticon]) and I was looking forward to our first Christmas in our new home. So I invite family to stay and they are all staying with my mum in her house in hell hole town. One sister does live in the town but my other sister and grandad live within two hours of me, as opposed to four hours from mum.

The thought of going back to hell hole town makes me feel sick, dp does not want to go but quite rightly says we have to go along with mums plans.

I know I am being unreasonable but can you understand why I am being so.

differentWitch Sun 26-Oct-08 10:50:29

tsap, it's a visit. Yes, I can understand where you are coming from. Is it an overnighter, or just a day trip visit?

TheHedgeWitch Sun 26-Oct-08 10:50:54

Message withdrawn

PuppyMonkey Sun 26-Oct-08 10:52:24

"Quite rightly" why? Do what you want at Christmas, that's what i say.

twinsetandpearls Sun 26-Oct-08 10:52:56

It will be for a few days, maybe up to a week.

I want to see my family Thehedge I suppose I rather selfishly thought they would want to spend Christmas with me in my new home.

aGalChangedHerName Sun 26-Oct-08 10:53:06

Why do you have to go to your mums??

If you don't want to then don't go.

Presumably you have smallish dc who won't want to leave their toys etc?

twinsetandpearls Sun 26-Oct-08 10:53:56

I love a family Christmas and I will go there but had visions of a lovely family Christmas here. Had even started the preparations.

PuppyMonkey Sun 26-Oct-08 10:54:26

Invite your family up for New Year instead. You stay at home for Christmas.

LostProphet Sun 26-Oct-08 10:55:02

Your DP says you have to go for Christmas? and not a visit either side?

No. I am very much a family person, but a first Christmas in a new home is a special thing, and I think the rest of the family should respect that and let you do your own thing. You can't make them change their plans, but you can have a snuggly little Christmas in your gorgeous place.

Not at all envy of your place from everything i have seen/heard....

twinsetandpearls Sun 26-Oct-08 10:55:28

Christmas away from home is hard work as dd will not be with her things etc. Hence when we lived in the same town I tended to do Christmas at mine, also because being a teacher I have more time off around Christmas so am in a better position to do it.

twinsetandpearls Sun 26-Oct-08 10:57:07

I really don't want a Christmas away from my family espcially as we don;t see much of the northern branch anymore. I will go if they won't come to me but I am upset.

DP has not said we have to go but that we should go.

LostProphet Sun 26-Oct-08 10:57:38

I am probably not the best person to be advising on this. I am spending my first Christmas away from my family (who I am very very close to), and spending it with DH's who neither of us are close to. I am dreading it

MrsWeasleyIsTheCrazyHatLady Sun 26-Oct-08 10:57:51

Gosh I wouldn't go if you don't want to.

I would say to mum, "We want to enjoy our first Christmas in our new home. Everyone is welcome if you want a Christmas in the countryside".

On the other hand could you go there and then do New Year day at yours.

Good at making decisions me !! winkgrin blush

lljkk Sun 26-Oct-08 10:57:54

You'll have many future years in new house, a 2-3 day visit in the town where your mum lives, because she's obviously happy enough there, and doesn't like to travel, probably, would it really be so bad??

twinsetandpearls Sun 26-Oct-08 10:58:16

Noone has a lot of time of at Christmas so I imagine they will not be able to come up at new year if they are with mum at Christmas. My Grandad won;t wont or cant do endless travelling either.

twinsetandpearls Sun 26-Oct-08 11:00:02

My mum is not happy in her town, she hates her town and hates her house, noone i know is happy in the town I have left! grin It is my grandad who doesn't like to travel which is another reason I thought he may be happier here as it is just under two hours away rather than 4-5 hours.

LostProphet Sun 26-Oct-08 11:02:09

Would your mum understand if you explained why you wanted it at your place? Or (I have something in the back of my head), is it generally what your sisters want that goes?

findtheriver Sun 26-Oct-08 11:02:30

Twinset - it sounds as if you're going to feel guilty and upset if you don't go, so it may be best to go with their plans.
Can you arrange to have a lovely New Year in your new home to give you something to look forward to?

Your posts always sound so much more positive since your move south - I can understand how you feel, but I just sense that if you stand your ground and insist on staying home for Xmas, you'll miss your family loads and will end up feeling miserable about it.

CombustiblePumpkin Sun 26-Oct-08 11:04:12

I think you should go to your mother's for Christmas. I'll come and look after your house for you grin

Honestly, do what you feel you would enjoy the most. It would be totally reasonable to spend Christmas day at home and then go and see your family/invite them to visit for New Year. The main thing is how would you feel if you did that? If you would feel guilty or if you'd feel it wouldn't be a 'proper' Christmas without having your extended family around, then there's no point.

twinsetandpearls Sun 26-Oct-08 11:05:04

You are right findtheriver and i know I am being unreasonable and have to go.

I am so much happier since moving south, I am shocked at how living somewhere can make you so unhappy because it clearly did. Going back there gives me a knot in the stomach feeling.

twinsetandpearls Sun 26-Oct-08 11:07:10

Combustible I will be unhappy without extended family around so will have to go. But it will not be the same all of us crammed in my mums tiny house with no heating hot water, uncomfy seats in a miserable town.

aGalChangedHerName Sun 26-Oct-08 11:07:47

I am doing xmas on my own this year after 15 years of having my db and whatever partner he had at the time and his dc,also my mum and dad.

Feels strange but strangely i am looking forward to it too smile

edam Sun 26-Oct-08 11:08:14

I'm in the queue behind Combustible. grin

Could you compromise and join your relatives at your Mum's on Boxing Day or something? So at least you get Christmas Day in your new house. (Also agree with the post asking have you told your Mum why you feel strongly about this.)

findtheriver Sun 26-Oct-08 11:08:25

Maybe Christmas with your family back there will lay some of the ghosts to rest if you feel so strongly about the place?

Now that your home is somewhere else, you'll be seeing your old town from a different perspective anyway?

twinsetandpearls Sun 26-Oct-08 11:08:57

It is my mum that gets her own way, my sister that lives near me wants to come here. My other sister would prefer to be here but would have to get time off work. I suspect being young she may prefer to be at home as her friends are there.

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