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to send daughter to grandma's as a punishment??

(58 Posts)
silvercrown Thu 23-Oct-08 16:22:29

Basically have 3 girls and the middle one is being a real pain at the moment - she's verbally nasty to her little sister who worships her and she has also been swearing alot and always in a strop over one thing or another. We live fairly close to hubby's family and I have suggested to him that we send middle daughter to his mum's for the week (half term) as I just want her out of my face for the time being as I am likely to really lose my temper with her if her attitude doesn't get any better. Hubby thinks I'm being unreasonable - not about her behaviour but that I should consider making his mum suffer her. I said that I thought it was a good idea because his mum will be strict with her and she'll be away from her sisters - the eldest who also doesn't get along with the youngest child and so when the two of them get together being horrible to her it is really awful. Also middle child doesn't really like staying with this grandma so it removes her from a potentially explosive situation over half term, gives her time away from her sistsers which she may appreciate a little more when she returns and it wouldn't be a treat for her - in the past I've sent the eldest to hubby's mum because of the relationship with her youngest sister but as she has a great relationship with grandma it's been a treat for her. I know that if I sent eldest daughter again then middle daughter will probably be nice to her little sister again as she'll want a playmate but I really think she needs a time out and with her out of the way force the other two to get along. So am I being unreasonable to want to do this or should I just keep shouting at her all half term??

travellingwilbury Thu 23-Oct-08 16:24:35

Time out is a couple of minutes on a step

A whole week of time out I am not sure about .

Sounds like you have got your hands full but couldn't you have days out with grandma and all three girls and you and instead hmm

GylesBandwidth Thu 23-Oct-08 16:27:09

Yes, sending a child away to stay with a relative they dislike is a wonderful way to create family harmony.

It won't affect your DD2 at all - being with strict granny, whilst you all breathe a sigh of relief and have fun without her. hmm

You sound like a character in a Roald Dahl novel.

Parenting is tough. Bite the bullet, and work on your relationship with your DD.

silvercrown Thu 23-Oct-08 16:29:00

No - it would be a punishment for me to spend time with hubby's mother - plus she actually hates me too and she can't cope well with all 3 together - when I say close by I mean an hour's drive away. Grandma has had dd1 for over a week in school holidays before but never had dd2 and will never have dd3 (her choice) - my mum has made noises she would have dd3 but then says she can't because she is working but she is 3 hours drive away anyway and the carer of my dad and has my brother still living at home with his dd visiting. DD3 refuses to leave my side so I know that the jealousey issue between her and dd1 is caused partly because of this and because dd1 and dd2 just cannot share each other with dd3. I probably won't send her because she'll worm her way around me but I do think it would do her some good (and probably grandma who has made it clear dd1 is her fabvourite and she hasn't much time for the other two at all).

orangina Thu 23-Oct-08 16:30:06

I suspect that although you might have a quieter half term, you will have a very angry little girl on your hands when she returns from Grandmas.... I have to say, I agree with GylesBandwidth....

zippitippitoes Thu 23-Oct-08 16:30:45

great for grandma [not]hmm

silvercrown Thu 23-Oct-08 16:31:37

Roald dahl novel?? I've never had a break from DD2 or DD3 in 9 years - grandparents don't even take them out for days out - and dd2 and dd3 are incredibly close to me but because of this dd2 thinks she can get away with murder with me and I'm at a point in my life where I have coped for 10 years raising 3 kids with no family help whatsoever and would like to have a little help for once.

batters Thu 23-Oct-08 16:32:01

I think this is terribly wrong .

How old are your dds?

Do you think you need help to cope with them all together?

Children are difficult a lot of the time, that's in their job description.

silvercrown Thu 23-Oct-08 16:32:25

I'm not on citalopram for nothing you know.

BrownSuga Thu 23-Oct-08 16:33:45

I'd send her. A bit of space on both sides could work well. Is it possible to do it for 4 days though, so as not to be too much of a burden on the grandmother.

zippitippitoes Thu 23-Oct-08 16:33:47

well kids are a lifetime commitment..you can't really ship them out

and it doesn't solve any issues anyway

AbbeyA Thu 23-Oct-08 16:33:49

I should only send her if it is going to be a treat and Grandma is going to make a fuss of her and do special things.
A grandparent is supposed to spoil-not be used as a punishment!
You could send the other 2 and spend some time working on your relationship with the middle one.

LynetteScavo Thu 23-Oct-08 16:33:55

Could they take turns in going to Grandmas?

silvercrown Thu 23-Oct-08 16:33:57

10, 9 and 5 but I think all 3 are taking drugs secretly because they are on the go from the minute they get up until 2 hours AFTER they've gone to bed at 8am and dd3 will come in EVERY night to sleep with me so I get about 4 hours sleep a night if I'm lucky - so yes having trouble coping at times and I don't have friends locally as I've moved to a new area.

unavailable Thu 23-Oct-08 16:34:15

Does the grandma in question get a say in this?

Thomcat Thu 23-Oct-08 16:35:09

Getting help is one thing, I agree you need help.
Sending DD2 away for a week as a punishment is not the way to go about getting help, in my humble opinion, it's not the answer.

BrownSuga Thu 23-Oct-08 16:35:48

A week out of a lifetime isn't a big deal. It could give everyone the breathing space they need to calm down.

silvercrown Thu 23-Oct-08 16:36:24

She's bound to say no. She only has a decent relationship with dd1. Because dd2 and dd3 are close to me she's not particularly fond of them but it would be a good chance for her to work on her relationship with dd2 NO??? grin

ohIdoliketobebesidethe Thu 23-Oct-08 16:36:27

Perhaps you shouldn't let her get away with murder.
" I thought it was a good idea because his mum will be strict with her" Can you be stricter with her rather than delegating that?

BrownSuga Thu 23-Oct-08 16:36:35

DD2 wouldn't know it's punishment, for her, it's a holiday at grandmas.

pingping Thu 23-Oct-08 16:37:10

Don't do it. My DSM did this to me when I was younger sent me to My Aunties as a punishment for a whole week I hated it and hated my Aunty after that as she was seen as a punishment.

Why not send your little DD and let her have some fun Grandma time

silvercrown Thu 23-Oct-08 16:37:12

Thank you BrownSuga for being more understanding.

OrmIrian Thu 23-Oct-08 16:37:39

I was wondering that unavailable.

Being used as a family version of the naughty step might not be her idea of fun hmm

unavailable Thu 23-Oct-08 16:37:41

If she's bound to say no, its not an option then is it?

herbietea Thu 23-Oct-08 16:37:50

Message withdrawn

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