To not want to move house when i'm 35 weeks pregnant (long rant sorry)(20 Posts)
The story so far, we are building a town house and after the electrical inspection found that there were major problems with the wiring in the house. So we decided to get the house rewired and were given a leadtime of 2 weeks. which was fine. Problem is the 2 weeks ended 2 weeks ago and thereis no sign of the job being finished.
I'm now 32 weeks pregnant and the contrcator claims he needs another 2 weeks!!!! Which means that by the time i can get the house cleaned up, touch up on paint where necessary and get it into a semi livabale state i would be 35 weeks pregnant.
DH has been pushing the contractor but (and this is where i really need to know if IABU) he keeps telling me to relax and that he will take care of the move and i dont have to worry about it.
Since there isnt much else he can do and me getting stressed about moving is just making him feel pressured! Now i understand that there isnt much we can do, but i have am almost 3 year old toddler, a really awful pregnancy i'm working almost full time and the thought of moving is just very overwhelming.
Am i being the nasty witch of the west to demand we set a deadline and move by a certain date? DH thinks that i need to be more supportive and less of a nag but even if he organised the bulk of the move i know that it will be up to me to settle my dd, organise the little things in the house, organise thinsg for the baby. How do i contain my panic??
I moved countries when 33 weeks along and arrived back to rented house, no dh (he had to stay in the US for 5 more weeks) no furniture and 3 kids.
It was no fun but it is do-able.
I found the sorting the furniture when it arrived at 38 weeks a bit like nesting to be honest. but I did think number 4 was going to arrrive before dh did!
no YANBU I would say - it is not ideal, but I do know lots of people who have done it. I moved house at 32 weeks after delays which wasn't as bad, but wasn't great I have to say. I also have a friend who, due to delays with the sale of the house, left her old house to go in for a planned C section and came out 3 days later to the new one! Her dh had to do it all. They got through it, you will too .
The worse thing is that you can't really unpack properly unless your DH is there as you can't lug things around and get into boxes and of course you won't have the energy. i would suggest making one room and teh bedroo,ms habitable and worry about the rest later. However, the most importnat thing is to get the removal company to do a full packing and unpacking (i.e putting things in right room) service - you cannot possibly do all that yourselves.
I moved at 37 weeks with crippling SPD. I was so stressed. Then of course with a newborn, unpacking those last erroneous boxes was the least of my concerns. YANBU. DS is 1 and I have still not finished.
You really are not BU. We moved when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I didn't want to move then - knew it would be a nightmare. DH (who is wonderful and very hands on) assured me that he 'would take care of the move'. It just didn't happen - it's too much work for one person to do on their own and whilst the moving part was ok, the unpacking the other side took forever and in the meantime we lived in a complete state. My midwife said that not having things in order can delay labour as you want to have everything sorted before you bring a new baby into the world. And it is true that the day after we finally got the new place sorted, I went into labour....
Don't do it if you can avoid it. I moved at 38 weeks and into a house that was disgusting, needed a lot of work and was filthy. It really spoiled things in the first few weeks for me as I had such divided priorities. I wanted to get the house in a livable state but DD, when she arrived, had other ideas and wouldn't let me put her down. Nightmare
YANBU. My heart goes out to you!Through some spectacular planning and bad luck we didn't actually have a house, car, cot or any baby things at all when I went on maternity leave. We moved when I was 36 weeks - like MBF suggests i had a full packing service which was great. I had family to help (DP away on a business trip) and like needmorecoffee said, it felt like nesting which was really nice. It's not ideal, and although things were unpacked it was pretty chaotic and nearly 8 months on, there are still things i can't find, but it did feel that we had somewhere new for the baby. Everything did fall into place eventually.
Lots of lists kept me (relatively) sane!
Good luck x
Thank you for all the responses.
My doctor has recommended an elective c-section becasue of the pressure on my back and the thought of having a very active toddler around 24/7 plus a new born, and living out of boxes just doesnt appeal.
I guess i have to just get on with it but i am feeling completely unsettled and very overwhelmed.
I know its ot Dh's fault but i seem to get the most fustrated with him. I would have rather we held of on geting some things done until later next year and deal with them once the baby was a little older and i was back on my feet. He felt it was better getting everything done before we moved. i agreed so its my fault too but now i feel very stressed!!
i've just moved with a 4 week old and a 2.7 yo. wasn't too bad. i would rally round as much help as possible.
and tbh i'd rather have moved when pregnant than with a newborn.
I will be moving at 32 weeks, like your DH, mine reckons he will just do all the work. He also insists there is no need for us to get the full packing service when he can just hire a truck and get a few mates to help out.
It just works out badly sometimes. I moved 3 weeks before I gave birth. I had to get PIL to help.
Not ideal, but far easier when pg than with a newborn imo.
Try and get whichever date you decide upon set in stone though. We were supposed to move before ds1 was born, and ended up doing so when he was 3 days old - that was stressful! Took me months to finish unpacking.
I moved 400 miles away when 37weeks with a 2 yo and 8 yo. It was awful. I was totally exhausted.
My wonderful mum at the last minute had kittens about me driving all that way on my own when so heavily pregnant (DH was driving the truck in front) and ended up coming with me.
When we got there I ended up falling asleep on a chair and when I woke up she had unpacked the essentials (kitchen stuff, towels for the bathroom, etc). I don't really know how I would have managed without her.
YANBU - would suggest you concentrate on getting just 1 or 2 rooms habitable and move asap. You can finish the rest when its more convenient for you.
I hope it all goes well, accept whatever help you can get, do you have family that can help with dc1 while you move? Whenever we move (house number 6 in 10 yrs) dh is in charge of unpacking, I am to keep out of his way and make sure he and his mates have a nice lunch I just get too stressed and I havent moved when pg. I am in a too small house with a 1yo and wish I had pushed to move house before she was born tbh.
I was 6mths pregnant on DS1 when we bought our house (and it needed renovating) we moved in a week before he was born. TBH I didn't find moving house that stressful, however, with DS2, we were and still are in the process of converting the loft - all manner of things happened:
Our bedroom no longer existed (we had to partition it to make a hallway and stairs to the loft) so the bedroom needed a new wall, electrical stuff full plastering, a few new floorboards, new ceiling...etc... etc...
So, we (me being 38wks preg) were sleeping on a mattress on the floor of DS1's bedroom (whose ceiling had been cracked by them doing the work in the loft....
So, when the room was ready to be decorated (39wks) there i was up ladder painting (DH was against me doing so, but I couldn't rest til it was done) What made things feel worse for me was that this was the room I had planned all pregnancy to give birth in!
At almost 40wks, the room was finally finished - The hallway was in the middle of still being plastered and there was and still is a massive hole with a staircase in going up to the loft (still with no wall between us and our next door neighbour - so if they wanted to come in to our house, they could - good job we have good neighbours). But at this point I was so upset - crying every day etc... that i literally chucked the plasterer out mid plastering. He was in the middle of doing the hall way upstairs when i just went up and said - please can you leave, I've had enough of the mess and this baby is gonna be coming soon and i need to clean up. (I was polite).
That was 5mths ago and nothing has been done since.
If it was me, i would be setting a deadline - write them a letter, explaining that it has already taken the 4 weeks and will be taking them 4 weeks longer than their original 2 weeks as planned. Set them a reasonable deadline in writing and say that you expect them to be finished and out by that date (working evenings if necessary). Be firm, but fair - if you go in complaining, some builders may just walk off the job, and you certainly wont want that. But you do need to let them know that it needs to be finished with now more extensions on time.
Are there any rooms that are finished that you could get in and clean already? Can you move some of the things in now, so that there is less to do when you get the final date? Can your DH get in there in the evenings and touch up the paint now? There must be a way of working around the electricians - my DH has a building firm, and its amazing what his contractors can achieve when given a deadline.
I would pu all the baby's clothes and bits into a chest of drawers and cover them with tissue to keep out the dust and move the chest with the things already in - then they are already washed and folded ready for your new arrival.
Finally (sorry its taken me so long) I hope that everything sorts itself out for you, that the move goes smoothly and that you have a great birth. Good luck, and let us know!
Thats my biggest problem. There is no date set in stone.
If i knew that by such and such date we could start the move then i could deal with the logistics. But right now i have a whole load of suppliers hanging on til we sort outthe wiring. I jus spoke the the curtain people and if i dont give then go ahead by middle of next week we will not have any curtains til next year!!!
I really dont want to be worring about different contractors wondering around when i will have a new born and a toddler starting a new kindergarten, and be recovering from a c-section.
DH is not available any weekends in nov as he is either travelling for work or has work committments which means he wants to move during the week and i'll be at work so in all likelyhood i will be coming home to things put where i dont want them or not find things at all.
I know its do able and i;m taking deep breaths!!!
Red - you message made me cry!!! Every time i think that the contractors are moving out of an area they go back and leave grubby finger prints everywhere.
They swore to be out last weekend and today they are still there.
I have started to finish off the bathrooms with accessories etc but now apparently then need to run some wiring through the celing which menas more of a mess and last time they cracked some tiles wo ehn it rained it flooded the house and that set us back a week!!!!
So setting timelines even in writting isnt helping becasue one contractr just blames the other!
Poor DH i really lost the plot with him this morning becasue he sprun a work trip on me and i know he's trying but everything is really bugging me right now. And i am really worried about when dd is off school and i will then have to worry about her as well as moving!!!
We moved when I was 36 weeks pg- on christmas eve....
It was fine! Needless to say we didn't do anything christmassy that year, but the house was a re-furb, and was in perfect condition, and I then had a month to get unpacked and things how I wanted before DD arrived.
I was on leave from work though, and we it was our first child, so no worries about a toddler etc.
tbh YANBU if you are stressed about it- you know how well you feel- I was lucky and had a very healthy pg last time. I wouldn't be repeating the experience this time round, for sure!
It's not easy. I moved house at 36/37 weeks. fortunately it was a temporary residence, so I had no pretensions to ever getting the place organised. And I had a homebirth amid the chaos. And then had to move again when baby was 5/6 weeks old. It was fine, really, I got through it, but life would have been much easier if I hadn't had to, I think!
So don't do it, if you can avoid it. But don't despair if you end up having to.
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