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to wonder if my ILs know we have THREE children?

(17 Posts)
misshardbroom Sun 19-Oct-08 20:03:24

oh I know I'm an ungrateful cow but honestly, AIBU about this?

DH has spent the day with MIL and SIL, and returned with the following from them as gifts for DD, who is 5:

book
doll

most kind of them, genuinely.

But as for DS1 (who is 4) and DS2 (who is 3).... nada.

This is not the first time, whenever he goes there this happens.

I think as they get older, they will have to accept that sometimes one of them gets sth and the others don't, but it's pretty hard for little boys of 4 and 3 to understand that.

TheArmadillo Sun 19-Oct-08 20:05:57

that isn't nice if it's always her that gets presents and not the other two.

I would get your dh to ask them not to buy your dd presents, as it is making the others upset. Or refuse to accept them. Or as final resort not pass them on.

It is favouritism if it is constantly the same child and it will cause problems if it continues as they get older.

imnotmamagbutshelovesme Sun 19-Oct-08 20:07:06

Do the boys get anything when they go?

jammi Sun 19-Oct-08 20:07:12

Message withdrawn

jammi Sun 19-Oct-08 20:07:15

Message withdrawn

FangolinaJolly Sun 19-Oct-08 20:08:09

I hate favouritism of this kind.My MIL,though a lovely woman does have her favourites,which is wrong.

She has 4 young gc,ds,dd and my 2 nephews.

She had 4 boys and always wanted a girl.

The other day she gave some money to get dd a present,but ds got nothing.I made up the money to equivalent amount and bought them both a present.

She also favours eldest nephew over yOunger.

Its awful

YANBU.

Monkeyblue Sun 19-Oct-08 20:08:31

Thats bang out of order by your MIL/SIL

You have 3 kids which mean 3 pressies from MIL

I don`t think they should have to accept that one gets something and the others don`t

If it happened again I would hand them back

Either all 3 or none

Bettyboobird Sun 19-Oct-08 20:12:26

OMG, this is exactly the same as my ILs!

For Christmas they bought an identical gift for dd1, who was 2.5 at the time (and not their blood grandchild, actually) and our nephew who was 4. They got NOTHING for dd2, because she was 'only' 6 months.

I could kind of see their point at the time, although I was a little upset. But they did the same in June, for dd1's 3rd birthday-a small present, for dd2's 1st birthday-nothing. No Christening present either.

I'm past being offended. It's not about the material gifts, it's about acknowledging her existence-grr.

onepieceoflollipop Sun 19-Oct-08 20:12:27

I agree with jammi.

My mil favours the oldest gd (bil's dd) as she is older and a spoilt brat indulged child. She is slightly quieter than my 2 and less clumsy so obviously they prefer her.

That upsets me, so it must be much worse in your situation. At least my dds don't really notice as they don't see much of their cousin.

merryandmad Sun 19-Oct-08 20:20:58

Thats awful misshardbroom- my mum and dad spoli their three grandchildren terribly (dd1, dd2 and dn), but will always balance presents out- even though my sis and dn live with mum and dad, they are careful to equal them out.
Though dd1 who is 4 usually always gets to pick 1st, as she is the oldest blush, though the other two aren't aware yet.

misshardbroom Sun 19-Oct-08 21:31:34

thank you, glad it's not just me!

tbh, it's not that I even want presents for the boys too - I can accept an impromptu act of generosity but I certainly don't expect it. It's the favouritism that gets me.

DH's approach is to say 'oh well, before we give it to her, we could get something for each of the boys', which is all well and good, but it means we have to then go and buy two little presents at our own expense so that we don't highlight the preferential treatment of their sister.

Fortunately she is really good about sharing so the boys always get a crack at whatever it is she's got.

Dropdeadfred Sun 19-Oct-08 21:35:15

why do you or your dh never ask them about it or explain how difficult it is with the boys seeing their sister with presents when they don't have them?

misshardbroom Mon 20-Oct-08 17:13:48

good question. DH doesn't see there's a problem with it really. As for me, to start with I don't want to sound as though I'm being really ungrateful for their gifts, and also the relationship with that side of the family is fragile enough without wanting to rock the boat further! I suppose that's why I'm venting on MN rather than actually doing anything about it blush

(have just noticed emoticon faces now have witches' hats! cool)

WalkerBurnie Mon 20-Oct-08 20:47:04

I never understand GP's having favourites. My parents and IL's treat ours all the same. Not nice for your poor boys

AussieLou Tue 21-Oct-08 15:42:47

I do not understand it either. My grandmother rufused to acknowledge my brother. My mother had my sister and myself during her first marraige and my brother during her second. She did not like my stepdad. The worst thing she did was leave money in her will to my sister and myself and nothing to my brother. How is that for an insult from the grave.

sitdownpleasegeorge Tue 21-Oct-08 15:53:41

AussieLou, how mean was your grandmother shock, your brother was related to her just as much as you and your sister, did you and your sister share your inheritance with your brother to right this wrong ?

Sillyworry Tue 21-Oct-08 15:54:08

Gran just died at 89 years Fav grandson (my brother) Said he didn't care that she was dead as he never liked being the fav. and hated that his sister and brother weren't liked by her because we had dark skin. They won't win her affection this way! I Dumped a boyfriend for having favorite kids among our family and friends kids.Ttoo weird for me as I thought what he did that with our children.

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