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For getting mad with DS over his homework?

(21 Posts)
MrsSnape Sun 19-Oct-08 18:36:50

god it's going to look like I'm obsessed with homwork by the time I've finished...

But I'm sick of DS making such a mess of his homework every week. He rushes through it, makes spelling mistakes, scribbles over them, squeezes writing on top, creases all the paper...it drives me nuts.

I know he has problems with his hand writing but this is more than that. It's because he can't be arsed and just wants to finish it ASAP.

The homework tonight for instance...he rushed through it and presented it to me...most of it was wrong because he hadn't read it properly. Luckily he'd done it in pencil so I told him to go and RUB IT OUT and start again. So what does he do? scribbles over the entire thing and squeezes the right answers in above the scribbles in writing that resembled that of a 3 year old.

Am I being too hard on him or is he being lazy and needs telling?

McDreamy Sun 19-Oct-08 18:38:40

Would the reaction of his teacher have more effect on him? Let him hand it in, she will soon tell him what she thinks.

kormAaaarrrggghhhchameleon Sun 19-Oct-08 18:41:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsSnape Sun 19-Oct-08 18:43:42

He's just brought it back to me and wound me up even further.

It says "draw a picture of the scene that the story has set in your mind".

Now surely since the bloody paper is full from the writing you would have the sense to turn it over and draw the picture on the back?

But no, DS has scribbled a tiny drawing squashed at the bottom of the page and it looks a bloody mess.

McDreamy, I do see what you're saying but I tried this last year...just letting him take the messy homework in and they ended up moving him down to a lower table and as a result he's ended up in the lower class this year for the first time sad I'm so mad with him because I KNOW he can do so much better.

If this is what he's like now, what the hell are his GCSE's etc going to be like?

MrsSnape Sun 19-Oct-08 18:43:54

Sorry, he's 10.

wehaveallbeenthere Sun 19-Oct-08 18:49:18

Has he been tested for any learning disabilities? ADHD? Dyslexia?
What is it that he wants to do instead of homework? Sports? Tele? Games? or maybe just palling with friends?
Have you tried reading it with him? Just to make sure he is getting it?
My nephew was that way (now in his 30's) but what was thought of as laziness and not caring was actually ADHD. They just didn't catch it in time and the teachers weren't aware of it or trained to recognize the signs.
My middle child gets like this also. She understands the homework, can demonstrate it but then freezes on the tests. She makes a passing grade (barely) but is capable of A's if we can find the problem to help her.
If there is a problem the older the child gets the more they will feel withdrawn from their peers. That is just human nature. We try to hide it when we are ill, or don't understand or feel inferior.

poshbloodencrustedwellies Sun 19-Oct-08 18:57:01

sounds very much like my dd-she has dyspraxia,very messy handwriting due to co-ordination problems also concentration issues,it can be very very frustrating for child and parent imo.

I would talk to teacher and see if they feel he could have dyslexia or dyspraxia (does he other issues like tying shoelaces,riding a bike or getting dressed,clumsiness?)

MrsSnape Sun 19-Oct-08 18:57:39

There is a suspition that he may had dyspraxia but my efforts to get this looked into have fallen on deaf ears unfortunately sad

(and he wanted to play on the xbox which I suspect is why he rushed it)

wehaveallbeenthere Sun 19-Oct-08 18:58:39

My middle child is 12. I've found I'm not the right person to sit down and help her with homework. I get too wound up. It's like I wouldn't be the right person to teach a family member to drive. I'd end up screaming and pulling my hair out expecting them to do it right because they've seen me drive more than hundreds of times. Unfortunately, I'm the one that is here.
Set a time that homework is to be worked on. Nothing else. Make him read it out loud...then again slower. Ask him to tell you what it is saying...what is expected. You will then get an idea of what he is thinking or seeing.
Try to calm down. Take a deep breath. He is probably trying but like swinging at a baseball when you've never tried batting you aren't going to do any good but instead make a mess of it. You have to trust yourself to help him if you are the only one there. No apologies, no excuses...just how it is.

MrsSnape Sun 19-Oct-08 18:59:27

Posh...crossed post!

He does have all those symptoms. He is an excellent type but only because he is absolutely OBSESSED with computers. He has trouble tying laces, walks quite odd, cannot run very well, is clumbsy, talks a bit odd...all the signs are there but nobody will look into it sad

MrsSnape Sun 19-Oct-08 19:00:46

I agree, I have a terrible temper and am an awful teacher. He'd be better off doing with with someone more understanding but I'm the only one here.

kormAaaarrrggghhhchameleon Sun 19-Oct-08 19:01:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wehaveallbeenthere Sun 19-Oct-08 19:03:46

Set a limit to the Xbox. Make it a reward instead of a goal. Mine like their Nintendo but if I don't set a limit they would gladly live inside the box and the rest of the world can disappear...eating, sleeping etc. They wouldn't notice.
My twelve year old still cannot tie her shoes quickly.
I couldn't tell time on a clock with arms until I was twelve either so maybe it is just genetics. I also don't get math. So trying to help my children with math is like the blind leading the blind. Fortunately, they got the math gene (for what it's worth) from their father.

wehaveallbeenthere Sun 19-Oct-08 19:09:04

Also, reward him when he makes an effort. NOT perfection. Don't expect perfection because it is a long time coming. Effort is something you can see. Get him reading, start with gaming/computer magazines. They are math btw. My husband failed miserably at college but was building robot arms at 13 because he loves computers.
He does programming...reads all the books of evolving languages etc. He is socially lacking because he is dedicated to that. That is him though. He lives and breathes it and it makes an okay living. Everything is computers. If that is your sons interest then nurture it. Explain that the other things...english, science and everything else are tied up in his future though too.
If he is going to compete in life (as we all have to) then he must give those equal time. He can nurture his love and have the best of it though.

poshbloodencrustedwellies Sun 19-Oct-08 19:11:38

I had the same problems Mrsnape,took several years for me to be taken seriously-teachers would just fob me off saying it would all click into plce,but deep down I KNEW there were issues that just wouldn't go away.

Go to your gp and demand that you have your child evaulated,my dd was your sons age when they finally admitted she had moderate learning difficulties and was given the correct help at school.

wehaveallbeenthere Sun 19-Oct-08 19:13:51

He sounds very much like my son. The 22 year old. He loves gaming systems. He also liked cartoons. I explained that life is a game. There are rules...sometimes the rules can change though. It is up to you to figure out what this game requires to get the big rewards. Sometimes you win, sometimes not, sometimes you have to settle. We all have to play.
He understood after I explained it to him like that.

wehaveallbeenthere Sun 19-Oct-08 19:17:07

Yes, demand that. If you truly think something is wrong then you have to do what you can.
I don't know what other resources you can access. Maybe you can check on the web? It is a dillema and I wish I could help you more. Sometimes it just feels like you are dragging them up, they truly don't understand that you are on their side.

combustiblelemon Sun 19-Oct-08 19:19:38

Agree with Korma. If he's computer obsessed, you can say no computer time until it's done properly.

As for the homework itself, it sounds like it might be worth you- or someone else- sitting with him while he does it, talking it through with him, giving verbal reminders.

For example
-"Write the date clearly on the left hand side on the first line of the page.
-Write the title in the middle of the top line of the page and underline it neatly.

Have you done this DS?

-Then read the question carefully. Have you read the question? What is it asking you to do?
-Think about your answer. How should it be written down? Have you got enough room on this page?

Write out your answer carefully" etc.

It will at least force him to slow down and think a bit more, and hopefully start to get him to have these thoughts automatically.

mumeeee Mon 20-Oct-08 16:02:25

You say he has trouble with his handwritng. It is possible he has dyspraxia. DD3 16 has dyspraxia and her handwriting was awful at 10. she still has some problems but is a lot better now.
I found the worst thing I could do was to make her redo homework.
Children with dyspraxia can't help making a mess and to criticise and make them redo stuff will just make them resentful and upset.
If he is really having trouble then saying no computrer until he has done it properly won't help. It will just make hiom frustrated.

MadamDeathstare Mon 20-Oct-08 17:32:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ra29 Mon 20-Oct-08 22:38:38

This could so also be my ds. He's 11 and bright but to look at homework you'd think he was 6. I'm pretty sure he has mild dyspraxia but as he also has had many other serious health problems I haven't wanted to get him assessed as I think this would actually make him feel more different. Even though I think a certain amount is dyspraxia I think most of it is down to not wanting to waste any of his precious home time on boring homework. I actually really sympathise with him about this but find it a real dilemma because don't want him to really under achieve. In fact in some ways he sounds worse than your ds because any suggestion on my part that he may have to spend any care on his homework often results in complete meltdown. It's hard work and I don't really have any advice but think it's pretty common particularly with boys. I try and lay off the pressure as much as possible but the other day I had serious words with him about how I don't want to battle with him but I know he is capable of more and as his mum it's my duty not to let him completely slack. It seemed to go in for now...

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