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To want to mention to MIL how upset they have made DH

(9 Posts)
grouchyoscar Sun 19-Oct-08 14:04:09

I just need some advice/get this off my chest

MIL let it slip last night that BIL's band were playing live last night in a local pub and 'everyone is going'...that is everyone except DH and myself.

It annoyed me that it's not it's not the 1st time this has happened. Also MIL is looking after SIL and a band member's kids. What on earth are the family thinking? We are able to find our own childcare and get there under our own steam, we wouldn't have put anyone out, would it have been so hard to let us know?

I hate people thinking for us, make choices on our behalf. I can handle being a 2nd class citizen, only being a DIL but to have both DH and DS denigrated as 'problems' by their 'blood family' has really put my back up.

I do feel I need to calmly mention how much it upset DH to MIL but I don't want to upset anyone myself. She is minding DS while I have an appointment this week and DH and BIL are on an away day soon so I know ructions are not a good idea.

Should I mention it or keep my trap shut ?

BreevandercampLGJ Sun 19-Oct-08 14:05:32

Is this a one off, or part of a pattern ?

compo Sun 19-Oct-08 14:08:05

dh should mention it to his brother

grouchyoscar Sun 19-Oct-08 14:13:03

Oh it's a pattern TBH.

I'd rather they be up front than underhand

I may get a bit oversensitive due to depression but hell I am a lot better and dealing with it very well. But whatever your mental state is, this is beyond the pale

beanieb Sun 19-Oct-08 14:18:44

Why didn't his brother tell him? Is this a pattern with your SIL and BIL too and not just your MIL?

grouchyoscar Sun 19-Oct-08 14:27:24

Oh yes, BIL is still at home in his middle age and SIL is so reliant on MIL for support. DH is pretty much left to the world tbh.

DH will not say anything as he doesn't want to cause upset. Poor lad, they may not like me, but their own son. I can't stand it for him

grouchyoscar Sun 19-Oct-08 14:59:19

I'm considering keeping my mouth shut and will only mention something if MIL says anything,

Something along the lines of 'Well DH was really upset about it and it was awful to see that. It's not the 1st time it's happened and each time he does get awfully hurt. He can't understand why it is kept a secret from him and he feels so bad about it all.'

What d'ya think

Flossish Sun 19-Oct-08 15:02:10

I tend not to say anything and am just all too often a seething mass of anger and hatred TBH! But my MIL is verbally rude to DP and my children, I'm a wuss and she's a vicious so and so, so not really worth the vitriol.

if you could say something and feel that you could do it in a way that she doesn't get upset then doing it now may prevent problems further on IYSWIM.

grouchyoscar Sun 19-Oct-08 15:06:43

I understand Flossy. I do keep my mouth shut about a lot and seethe but I do think I have to ask them to stop taking the Micky. He is their son FPS

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