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For not wanting my kids to mix with 'them'?

(145 Posts)
ConcernedParent Sat 18-Oct-08 12:38:16

I suspect this may come across as snobbish and namby pamby so I've name changed.

Basically I am very concerned about my children's future.

We live in a city that has been voted the worst place to bring up kids year after year. There are smack heads on every corner, drunks, chavs, fishwives...everywhere.

My boys are not allowed to play out because I do not want them mixing with the local kids. This is because most of the locals have at least one relative who has been in prison and the kids are heading down the same path. My kids are too good for that so they are not allowed to mix. Instead, they do out-of-school activities to socialise and keep active. They are not allowed to 'hang around' on the streets and never will be.

My eldest son is coming up to secondary school age. I am VERY close to withdrawing him from education after year 6. I have a feeling he will be bullied at secondary school and he will be dragged down with the other asbo offspring that go there.

I am thinking of home-schooling him and then my youngest when he's 11. I've just been reading ex-teachers accounts of what goes on in secondary schools in this city with drugsm alcohol, assault, pregnancy and I just do not want my kids exposed to it or involved in it.

I'm not talking about secluding them from their peers completely, I will keep them well socialised with clubs etc but I don't want them mixing with these types of kids AT ALL.

AIBU?

NotDoingTheHousework Sat 18-Oct-08 12:39:21

Message withdrawn

Twiglett Sat 18-Oct-08 12:40:08

move

PuzzleRocks Sat 18-Oct-08 12:40:28

Where do you live? The Chatsworth Estate?

ConcernedParent Sat 18-Oct-08 12:41:14

glad you think it's funny.

PoppyCoc Sat 18-Oct-08 12:46:29

Agree with Twiglett.

We live in an area similar to yours. One of the teenagers who lives five doors down from us has been given an ASBO and banned from this area for a year because of all the trouble and damage he caused. Another family are due in cort to face drug dealing and blackmail charges. Most of the local kids have been 'dragged' up rather than raised.

Its got so much worse over the past few years.

Its not an area we want our dd to grow up in.

So if we can sell our house we are moving.

Lazycow Sat 18-Oct-08 12:46:43

I will give the benefit of the doubt here and assume this is a genuine question. I am also assuming that moving is very difficult for financial reasons.

I will be quite honest and say that there are some places/estates that I would hate to live in for this reason. I am also sure though that there are many people locally who are like you just trying to get by and to help their children make the right choices while living in a very difficult environment. Is there any way you can meet some of those?

I am quite pro home schooling so that definitely is an option if the local secondary school is awful (and some are) but tbh unless you can find some more friends and support locally I'd be trying to move if at all possible.

stitch Sat 18-Oct-08 12:46:58

cp, in amongst all the crap you have written, i think you ahve some real concerns. but , and this is the big thing, you have wrapped it all up in every ism possible, that you wont get any replies of the sort you want.
your child is likely to be bullied in the future, assuming he isnt already, because your attitude must be very obvious to all around you.
for the sake ofyour dc, youneed to either change your attitude, or go find a deserted island somewhere to live on.

glenthorpe Sat 18-Oct-08 12:47:07

I think you are doing the right thing.We have s friend in a similar situation.Their children do clubs and do socialise with other local kids,but it is always at our friends house or they take the children and their friends out.There is a fine line between over protection and childrens freedom to play but I know where you are coming from.We moved to ensure one of our children got exactly what was needed in education and we have not regretted it. Good luck,it is not always easy to get it right.

nkf Sat 18-Oct-08 12:48:12

Move.

clam Sat 18-Oct-08 12:48:17

Think the implication was that this might be a troll..... ? So I'd hazard a guess that housework thinks YABU.
I, on the other hand, don't. Over my dead body would my kids go to a school like that and, reading most of the education threads on here I reckon 90% of MNers would feel the same. BUT, in my defence, (if I should need to justify it, which I don't) I do send my kids to a comprehensive that caters for all types and abilities. And remember that drug abuse in teenagers happens in all social strata.

HRHSaintMamazon Sat 18-Oct-08 12:48:45

it does sound pretty grim but in order for your children to learn how to appropriatly deal with bad situations they need to experience some.

they need to leanr to say no and be seperate from the crowd.
being ain a school where some of the less pleasant children attend doesn't mean your Dc's will come out drug dealing burglars.
The fact they have a strong parental backing means they stand a better chance than most of the kids you see around you.

children need to know what is out there in the real world. and sadly we need to loosen the cotton wool so that they can see through it.

NotDoingTheHousework Sat 18-Oct-08 12:50:47

Message withdrawn

ConcernedParent Sat 18-Oct-08 12:52:22

We are trying to move but everything is a bit up in the air at the moment with the housing market etc.

Just an example of where the kids are heading...DS had this conversation with his 9 year old friend last night:

Friend - "what do you do after school?"

ds - "some nights youth club, other nights karate, some nights swimming...why, what do you do?"

friend - "well last night I was larking out on the garages. my mate, she's 14 and she got stuck on the roof so we both stayed up there for hours. Then for a laugh we through a stone at one of the cars that was parked and it went straight through the window!! we didn't mean it to but it was a right laugh!"

ds - (stood there open mouthed) "really??"

friend - "yeah, we do stuff like that all the time, do you wanna lark out with us one night?"

me - "no, he doesn't. thanks"

PoppyCoc Sat 18-Oct-08 12:54:42

Yep sounds just like my area. Someone thought it would be funny to pull down our 'for sale' sign last night and leave it in the nieghbours garden hmm

We're moving even if it means taking a loss.

revjustabout Sat 18-Oct-08 12:59:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMattie Sat 18-Oct-08 12:59:16

I grew up in a rough area, in a shitty council flat, single parent family etc etc. Despite that, iI went on to university, a great career and...oh yeh...unbelievably, I am a decent person ( as are the vast majority of my peers from that time). Only a small minority are in prison or have done absolutely nothing with their lives. Some of the might have coconey accents or tattoos or live in council flats - it doesn't make them all nasty, scummy, jailbird Joes.

You are an unspeakable snob.

I pity your kids if you home educate them, as they will grow up with the same nasty attitude as you.

nooOOOoonki Sat 18-Oct-08 13:00:06

I think your question is really badly worded. so hard to answer.

Apart from the obvious snobbishness, your son may do well at the school, you havent even sent him yet. See how he gets on, but let him make some friends with the kids that go because otherwise he WILL get bullied. Don't bring him up to view everyone as bad. He will grow up scared and unable to deal with the real world.

I grew up in a middle class area and went to a decent comp. 3 kids in my year have since died of drug related issues, two were prison before we were out of our teens. A sat between 2 pregnant girls during my GCSE exams.

MrsMattie Sat 18-Oct-08 13:01:02

tawddle@revjust

Being concerned about your kids - fine.

Isolating them completely from an entire area / other children / school because you think you are better than all of them = sad

NotDoingTheHousework Sat 18-Oct-08 13:01:23

Message withdrawn

MrsMattie Sat 18-Oct-08 13:01:48

sorry for typos - just typing so fast because I'm hacked off - cannot believe the petty minded attitudes of some!

expatinscotland Sat 18-Oct-08 13:02:08

Haahaaahaa. Well, if you're a real snob, why are you living there? Why don't you move?

MrsMattie Sat 18-Oct-08 13:04:06

Exactly@expat.

In your strange little world of logic, I could look down on you@OP. After all, this council estate chav now lives in a big house in London that you could very likely never afford and seeing as you come fro such a rough area, you must be terrible riff raff - your children included hmm

HRHSaintMamazon Sat 18-Oct-08 13:04:35

the estate i grew up on was dire. the past time of chice for pre teens was throwing rocks at teh buses from the top balcony.

the teens were out fighting the gangs from teh other estates

the young adults were getting high on glue and god knows what else.

my parents kept us in so that we didn't mix. we went to the local comp....well local for the next town.

I went to uni, got a good career and am reasonably well rounded person.

My life on that estate is probaboly what gave me the motivation to do the work i do.(social worker with the youth offending team) I want to get these kids in and make a difference to their lives thatmeans that they dont have to sit on street corners and throw stones. they dont have to be resigned to a life of crime and time in prison.

Whynot stop whinging on about how shit your area is and get off your arse to change the area you live in. if people stopped being so fecking selfish and actually took some pride in theri community then you wouldnt have so many delinquent kids.
all it takes is half a dozen volunteers to open a youth club.
get in touch withyoru YOS or local council leisure department to find out what you can do to help the kids in your community.

some of these children feel better off sitting on garage roofs at all hours of night rather than being at home.....does thatnot tell you something about the poor feckers lives?

nkf Sat 18-Oct-08 13:05:20

Okay, it's awful to say "my kids are too good for..." anything. But some areas are harder to live in than others. And however well children can turn out, they're a long time growing up.

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