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Not to carry out my sick mother's request that she made from her hospital bed

(35 Posts)
exasperatedmummy Thu 16-Oct-08 20:59:10

My mother was rushed to hospital today with a condition that rears its head from time to time. She has to stay in, probably for a few days - i might have to tie her to the bed though. That leaves me in charge of her dogs and cats.

My day today has been quite hectic. Get up, take DD to pre-school. Come home, post on here about dodgy curtains and greasy hair, go round to my mums to take her dog out along with mine. She has not been well - find her in a bad way - ring ambulance. Wait for paramedics, organise someone to pick DD up from school (daddy). Go over to the hopsital, no purse, one pound and a mobile with low battery. Do the obligatory wait for doctors, explain my mums condition to doctors (its rare), sit around and wait for x-ray etc before she is moved from A&E to medical assesment ward. Come home, walk her dog, feed her cats, generally tidy up and search high and low in her house for nightgowns, false teeth and cigarrettes. Forgot the cigarrettes.Put chicken on for dinner, on a low heat, tidy up because DP been home with DD so house is a pit. Get DP to drive me to the hospital again, with grumpy DD in back of car. Find mother in new ward, a ten mile hike across the hospital from where she was, trapse over to the ward, she is in a foul mood, wnats to come home, no surprises there - have forgotten her cigarrettes. So, have to then get DP to drive me to shop to buy more - take them back, then have to go and buy her a cup of tea from hospital canteen. Finally can get away, but she calls me back - now, here's the thing.

"When you take my dog out again tonight (im taking him out again then am i??) can you go round to XXX road (a twenty minute walk from her house!) and feed that little black cat i told you about, only i don;t think its owner is feeding it properly and its starving" shockhmm

Was i unreasonable then to go round to her house, put the dog in the garden as i have already taken the thing out twice today - feed HER cats again, clear up the mess that the dog has made - spend 30 minutes looking for a battery that has come out the back of her phone to make sure the dog hasn't eaten it. Let the cats out, put the dog in and come home, having not fed the cat around the block that isn;t even a fecking stray!!! (ive seen it, its hardly skin and bone) - grrrrrrrrr

And the ironic and not even funny part of this is, i will get no thanks, she will come home and everything will be wrong, i wont have cleaned her house properly, fed the cats properly, the dog will be on its last legs from boredom and she will bloody well moan

wheniwasyoung Thu 16-Oct-08 21:02:16

Your mum is ill and you are complaining about doing some jobs for her that will help her have less things to worry about?

lou33 Thu 16-Oct-08 21:03:12

if it isnt her cat i wouldnt bother

bookswapper Thu 16-Oct-08 21:04:20

YANBU....sounds like a nightmare...poor you...and whats with the stray cat?

pofaced Thu 16-Oct-08 21:05:08

No yanbu if the cat has owner and your mum is just augmenting the "inadequate" feeding

Rubyrubyruby Thu 16-Oct-08 21:06:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark Thu 16-Oct-08 21:06:28

YANBU - you sound knackered. Sending you postive vibes...

LittleBella Thu 16-Oct-08 21:08:54

20 minutes walk for a dog is not a long walk. In fact it's not a long walk for a human

I think you MAY be being unreasonable but am not sure. Would like to know how much exercise you gave the dog altogether today, IMO most dogs aren't walked nearly enough.

Sounds like you had a really shite day. Put your feet up, have a glass of wine/cuppa and relax. Don't worry about the cat, it is not going to starve.

glitterball Thu 16-Oct-08 21:09:48

dont worry about the non stray cat....cats are pretty good at finding people to feed them. i very much doubt it will starve as to your mums own cats & the dog, agree totally with ruby, just do what you can. as you say it probably wont be right anyway so no point wearing yourself out over it!

exasperatedmummy Thu 16-Oct-08 21:15:11

wheniwasyoung, im not complaining about doing jobs for her at all [i'm more than happy to feed her dog, her cats, clean her house] But i do not want to start walking the streets squeeking puss puss puss to feed a cat that isn't even a stray - can you imagine if its owner catches me - how will i explain myself

exasperatedmummy Thu 16-Oct-08 21:17:31

little bella - exercising the dog wasn't my number one priority today, but he has been out twice, probably for about 15-20 minutes each time, plus he has run himself ragged with my dog in her back garden.

SparklingSarah Thu 16-Oct-08 21:22:29

no of course not , look at it this way
when you were a kid do you not think she "cheated" once in a while?

We all find a way to save us 20 mins in the day (shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! I ran the dishwasher twice the other day because I was overloaded with work& kids and couldn't be arsed to wash up th excess)

you have another family to care for as well
and as long as noone is going to suffer then smile and just appease her even via thoughts.

exasperatedmummy Thu 16-Oct-08 21:27:50

I did do the whole, incredulous "what??? You want me to go and feed someone elses cat, NOW?? I'n my best, you have got to be shitting me tone. She just said "Yes, i do, in fact, if i hadn't got sick i was going to go and see the woman and tell her if she doesn't want her cat then i shall have it" hmm.

I don't doubt for one tiny minute that she would do this - all of my mothers cats are strays, thankfully she only has two right now, but had lots, one was my friends who my mother didnt feel was looking after properly because she kept enticing him round with food - and he ate it, um, that is because he is a CAT!! The other was my friends neighbour, did the same thing - i think both of them thought, right fuck you, if you are going to entice my cats, you can have them AND pay the vets bills. Which she did! She used to send my dad round to my house to put catfood down in the alley by my house because i obviously was incapable of feeding my cats too - i caught my dad out one night, after that he just used to throw it in my bin! We never told her - hahahahahaha

solidgoldskullonastick Thu 16-Oct-08 21:33:14

Oh forget the 'stray' cat: either someone else will feed it (it probably has a good gig working the 'piteous/unloved' face on half the neighbourhood) or it will raid a bin if it's peckish. If she asks, tell her you fed it and change the subject. YANBU at all, you've got enough to do as it is.

GrimmaTheNome Thu 16-Oct-08 21:35:42

Oh dear. You never think of Mad Cat Ladies actually being anyone's mum, do you?

exasperatedmummy Thu 16-Oct-08 21:41:53

Oh she IS mad Grimma, mad as a march hair so she is. She didn't speak to me for a week after i wrung a baby birds neck that was dying a slow death after being gotten by a cat! I can't win grin.

I can actually imagine her in a house full of cats one day - in fact the only reason she isn't is because of her dog. I made the mistake of getting for her, he is a rescue dog that came into the vets where i used to work, we all thought, ah, that will be nice for my mum, he will be about small collie size. Um, actually he is more like an irish wolfhound - we suspect he was a lot younger than the owner told us he was when she dumped him there! The dog is barking mad too - she walks him for miles, she really shouldnt he is too big for great long walks. She tells him off and he grumbles at her - i reckon he weighs twice what she weighs.

TheSmallClanger Thu 16-Oct-08 21:44:08

The cat is probably okay. It sounds as if it's one of those moggies who does the rounds of several owners. If it comes in the house, perhaps feed it, otherwise, leave it.
Concentrate on your mum's pets who are probably missing her.

exasperatedmummy Thu 16-Oct-08 21:51:16

Thesmallclanger - it lives about five streets away!! She wanted me to go looking for it!

smartiejake Thu 16-Oct-08 22:13:48

Poor you! The cat isn't even hers so YANBU at all- you have done enough for today. GO home, open a bottle of wine and sink into a nice bubble bath.

Ignore any negative comments you get from your mum when she comes home. You are a saint!

Jux Thu 16-Oct-08 22:42:22

You've done brilliantly. YANBU. (Nor is your mum tbh, well she is, but she's ill and she's your mum and you love her.) Bet she's horribly proud of you and adores you, really.

wheniwasyoung Fri 17-Oct-08 11:07:32

I agree totally you can't go calling Puss Puss in the hope a cat will appear to be fed! grin

How is your mum today?

ruty Fri 17-Oct-08 11:13:59

my dad is in hospital at mo and you have my sympathies. YANBU. At all.

Cheeseandseveredfingersarnie Fri 17-Oct-08 11:17:11

how is your mum.forget stray cat.

kitbit Fri 17-Oct-08 11:26:17

Whatever you do decide to do, tell her you fed the cat. It is more important to keep her happy than it is to feed the cat, I think a white lie is OK here.

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