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To think the canoeist is wrong for freezing her eggs so she can delay having kids until after the next Olympics?

(97 Posts)
pagi Tue 14-Oct-08 14:23:16

Just caught the news about the canoeist who is 36. She's had her eggs frozen so she can delay having kids until after the next Olympics. She doesn't have a partner at the moment.

I'm not sure what I think she is - naive, maybe? I just don't think there's a great hope of IVF working at 40.

In my book, if you are single and want kids, and you're getting older, then you cross everything that you'll meet someone. You then uncross certain bits and hope for the best. It wouldn't occur to me to drop some eggs in the freezer, Olympics or no Olympics!

Perhaps my reaction is just a reflection of my post-motherhood lack of ambition which has been reduced to hoping to get through a week at work without falling asleep at my desk! Or maybe it's because I was told at age 30 that I was showing the signs of an early menopause and to try immediately if I wanted kids. I did, and I was lucky enough to have my son, but it does mean that you don't take motherhood for granted.

nappyaddict Tue 14-Oct-08 14:36:47

YABU. Her life, her choice. If IVF doesn't work at 40 then i would feel sad for her but it has worked for many others so why not her.

nappyaddict Tue 14-Oct-08 14:36:48

YABU. Her life, her choice. If IVF doesn't work at 40 then i would feel sad for her but it has worked for many others so why not her.

MorrisZapp Tue 14-Oct-08 14:37:40

Good for her. I have friends who have considered doing the same.

It's one thing wanting to have kids but if you don't have a partner then it must be very frustrating watching the clock tick down.

I shudder to think how this is being reported in the Daily Mail etc, but if she doesn't have a partner anyway then the Olympics are an irrelevance.

It's standard to offer 'sperm freezing' to men with cancer who are about to undergo chemo, nobody expects them just to trust to luck that they might have healthy sperm again. Why expect women to trust to luck that they'll meet a lovely partner.

Theochris Tue 14-Oct-08 14:38:52

No prob with IVF at 40, but freezing eggs as opposed to embryos is really dicey. I think (and I'm happy to be corrected) that less than 10% survive the defrosting and that is before meeting a sperm and undergoing the transfer (loses all the way). I don't blame her but it is a long shot.

If she doesn't have a partner, the olympics story could just be that, a story. I don't think it's wrong, but I feel sad for her, she must want a child very much. The procedures are not trivial.

motherinferior Tue 14-Oct-08 14:38:57

I'm sorry about your fertility problems, but I can assure you that plenty of us get up the duff with no problem over 40. Why don't you go and bother about something else?

I have no ambitions to be an Olympic athlete but if I had a consuming ambition of its kind - say if someone told me I'd write the world's most superb novel - I think frankly that it would be well worth putting parenthood on hold.

motherinferior Tue 14-Oct-08 14:40:08

Oh, and I'd lost hope of finding a chap who was prepared to impregnate me by the time I finally did snare Mr Inferior, so I do slightly know whereof I speak.

MurderousMarla Tue 14-Oct-08 14:42:09

YABU, completely. Plenty of people undergo IVF and have success at/over 40.

Maybe she is not such a defeatist.

WideWebWitch Tue 14-Oct-08 14:42:16

I have to admit I read this and thought "you silly bloody woman, if you really want kids, get on and have them, freezing doesn't mean you WILL be able to have them later, it doesn't work like that." I know it could work but I think she's taking a big risk if she's SURE she wants them. But hey, I suppose it is hers to take and I don't have ambition like hers so I probably don't get it at all.

WideWebWitch Tue 14-Oct-08 14:43:50

And the fact remains that although plenty of women DO have babies over 40 with no problems it is easier to get pregnant etc when you're younger and the optimum time frmo a purely health /biological pov is (iirc) in your twenties. Not that I'd advocate that either mind you!

VinegARGHHHTits Tue 14-Oct-08 14:46:40

YABU

expatinscotland Tue 14-Oct-08 14:47:07

i think she's taking a big risk.

yes, it does work, the IVF and such.

but not in teh majority of cases.

and eggs are quite delicate and may not survive thawing, particulary because 36 isn't exactly young.

as for 'finding someone', i think that's a load of bollocks.

there are many other ways nowadays then some bloke.

you can have a baby and co-parent with a gay man or couple, go it alone, adopt as a single parent, etc.

MorrisZapp Tue 14-Oct-08 14:47:08

Waterwitch, do you think she should get on and have kids with donated sperm, or a one night stand? The OP said she has no partner.

cmotdibbler Tue 14-Oct-08 14:48:26

Why not ? Its not hurting anyone else for her to do it, and maybe for her it means she can concentrate on canoeing for the next four years without the nagging voice in the back of her head that says 'you should be concentrating on finding a man and making babies' overwhelming her.

She's not delaying having kids per se, just giving herself more of an option to try to have some. Good on her.

CaptainKarvol Tue 14-Oct-08 14:49:16

Good for her. Does freezing the eggs 'stop the clock' on the aging process anyway? A bit like using donor eggs?

pagi Tue 14-Oct-08 15:00:19

Hi Mother Inferior.

We have a real role reversal - I met my dh at 21 but we didn't have kids until I received the big medical kick up the bum 9 years later. Thinking about it, that's when I developed a consuming ambition to have at least one child...

Oh, btw, the diagnosis was wrong! Apparently I have no fertility problems. DH is still getting over the double shock!

Oh, and I'll butt out. I've clearly gone a bit 'Daily Mail' in my old age. I forget that for every friend who has had a problem conceiving with IVF, there are probably many others who haven't had any issues.

motherinferior Tue 14-Oct-08 15:08:23

And I apologise for my tone, which was unwarranted.

pagi Tue 14-Oct-08 16:25:14

Thanks but no need!

Oops, I was meant to have butted out. Why is MN so addictive??!

Highlander Tue 14-Oct-08 16:29:27

I think she's a bit mental, but not unreasonable.

She's going to get a bit of a shock when the kids are bron though - so used to her 'me, me, me' lifestyle that being ata baby's beck and call will be, um, interesting wink

Grappa Tue 14-Oct-08 16:34:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Acinonyx Tue 14-Oct-08 19:14:38

It's the age of the eggs that makes IVF over 40 less successful, so she should be Ok with frozen eggs (although 36 is not exactly young) as long as plenty survive the thaw. The thaw rate is not fantastic yet but they can freeze a lot of eggs.

I had dd at 43 via IVF with my own eggs. I wonder if she had a partner now, how much difference that would make. You certainly don't see anyone ranting about frozen sperm.

WideWebWitch Tue 14-Oct-08 19:18:38

In answer to the person who asked me what she should do, I don't know what I think she should do tbh. I think if she really wants them and is prepared to go it alone then she should do. But I think it's a great shame if she has decided (as she appears to have done) that even if she DOES meet someone she wants to have children with in the next few years she WON'T because of her ambition. I think it is her choice to make but she should realise that it may mean she CAN'T (she may not be able to now, I've no idea if she knows whether she is able to conceive or not).

motherinferior Tue 14-Oct-08 21:00:47

Clearly, she wants to do something that is very important to her, more than she wants to have children. Actually I rather respect her for that. It's a risk, and she's taking that, rather than submerging her other ambitions in the wish for motherhood. Good for her.

solidgoldskullonastick Tue 14-Oct-08 21:04:32

I think it's her business and no one else's. There is more to life than parenthood anyway: given that the technology is there it might as well be used, and if she later decides she doesn't want to bother anyway, no harm has been done.

Fennel Tue 14-Oct-08 21:07:20

It sounds sensible to me, I would probably have postponed having children to enter the Olympics (an unlikely scenario for me). It's different to postponing for career reasons or holidays or free time, which you could grab back at a future date, with luck.

Some people aren't that definite about whether they want children or not. I wasn't that bothered.

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