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To wish Sister would stop harrassing us for money?

(256 Posts)
VivaLasVegas Tue 14-Oct-08 12:57:51

Sorry, I have had to name-change as username was too recognisable.

Basically my daughter (16) went to live with my sister in August. There were loads of problems at home and sister offered so she went. We are very grateful for that.

Anyway we give her the child benefit we receieve for DD but she is constantly asking for more money.

First it was that DD had decided to join college so sister asked us for the admin fee and some money for uniform she needed. This came to nearly £100. I gave her it but reminded her that we couldn't keep shelling out £100 here and there, I still have a DD at home to support.

Next thing was that DD had decided to join army cadets so sister was on the phone asking for money for stuff she needed for that. This time it was £20. I told her she had the child benefit and she said I was being selfish.

After that it was a trip DD was going on, sister wanted us to pay for that. I said no.

Thing is it is my sister that is getting her into all these things and she then expects us to pay for it all. I have another daughter at home to current DH and just can't afford what she is asking for every 5 minutes.


NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain Tue 14-Oct-08 13:01:19

YABU, why should your sister pay for your daughter?

If you can't/won't pay, then you should be explaining to your daughter why she can't do the things she want's to.

The child benefit you so kindly give can not cover every penny your daughter needs if there are 'extras'.

TBH, you don't sound very grateful to me.

rookiemater Tue 14-Oct-08 13:02:18

YABU. Child benefit would just about cover basic living expenses but no more. She is still your DD regardless of the fact she is living with your sister.

I would suggest you meet with her and discuss a more reasonable monthly allowance to cover your DDs requirements.

ImNotOnline Tue 14-Oct-08 13:02:55

dO YOU GET TAX CREDITS? sorry caps

umberella Tue 14-Oct-08 13:03:20

?? wtf

she is your daughter, she is baing cared for by your sister -the least you should do is fund these sorts of things imo. CB doesn't pay for a fraction of what kids actually need/wear/do etc as you must well know.

YABVU [cross]

VivaLasVegas Tue 14-Oct-08 13:03:28

But its my sister that gets her into all this stuff. I mean why does she get her into it before asking if I can pay for it?

AbbaFan Tue 14-Oct-08 13:03:50


Your taking the piss surely

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Tue 14-Oct-08 13:04:01


If your DD was at home with you you would have to pay out for her, or say no.

childrenofthecornsilk Tue 14-Oct-08 13:04:03

YABU. She's your daughter - of course you should pay.

VivaLasVegas Tue 14-Oct-08 13:04:39

If she was with me she wouldn't be doing all this stuff though because we can't afford it.

hercules1 Tue 14-Oct-08 13:04:41

I'm shocked that you dont realise how unreasonable you are being. I agree with the poster who said you need to agree a proper amount (more than cb) to be paid each month and expect other things to arise from time to time.

cocoleBOO Tue 14-Oct-08 13:05:03

If your DD was at home you'd have to pay hell of a lot more for her than what the child benefit comes too. YABU, she is still your DD and therefore your responsibility, you should be thanking your sister instead of moaning.

LadyOfWaffleIsScaryEnough Tue 14-Oct-08 13:05:07


umberella Tue 14-Oct-08 13:05:10

this is v sad.

perhaps you should ask your sister to enourage your daughter to get a p/t job at the weekends and then she can pay for any little things like this herself.

LadyOfWaffleIsScaryEnough Tue 14-Oct-08 13:05:53

I do so hope you are a troll...

cocoleBOO Tue 14-Oct-08 13:05:55

Bloody hell lots of x-post

<<books speed typing lesson>>

umberella Tue 14-Oct-08 13:05:58

and you would be off the hook, it sounds as though that's what you want. how do you think this makes dd feel? dreadful i expect sad

VivaLasVegas Tue 14-Oct-08 13:06:26

She does have a part time job and half of her money goes to board. The other half pays for her bus fares to college and lunch etc

Weegle Tue 14-Oct-08 13:06:40

YABU - child benefit would barely cover feeding a 16 year old for a week etc let alone life's extras. Your sister is doing you a massive favour, and sounds like she's helping your DD no end and helping her find her way in life, you owe her immense gratitude. if you can't afford these things you need to explain to your sister and your DD that you can't afford them but maybe come up with an arrangement for an allowance of x amount per week on top of the child benefit.

Chocolateteapot Tue 14-Oct-08 13:06:49

I think you are being extremely unreasonable actually. As others have said the child benefit will cover things like food, petrol, increased fuel bills etc.

It's a bit much to expect her to pay for college admin fees, uniform, trips etc. In fact the more I think about it, the more I think you are way out of order and agree it is sad that you can't see it. I would be very annoyed if I were your sister..

umberella Tue 14-Oct-08 13:07:09

you sound horrid, sorry.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Tue 14-Oct-08 13:07:10

Well then try saying no then, and tell your sister you can only afford x amount and anymore than that and she will have to stop getting your daughter into things, or your daughter will have to earn her own money.

BloodAndMutts Tue 14-Oct-08 13:07:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dropdeadfred Tue 14-Oct-08 13:07:38

what the fuck planet are you on?

College fees and uniform - yeah that's really your sister's fault isn't it?
a college trip? - that's not really your sister's fault either is it?

You should be proud that your eenage daughter wants to joing cadets and sn't wasting away her evenings in front of a playstation...or worse...shock

I guess you don't love your daughter that much or care about her..seems like you signed over the CB and wanted that to be the end of it!!!

expatinscotland Tue 14-Oct-08 13:07:56

so, when she was living with you your entire budget for supporting her was the Child Benefit?

so what if you have another daughter with your 'current DH'/DH du jour?

that's not your daughter's or sister's problem, it's yours.

maybe your sister's 'getting her into all these things' is why your child didn't want to live with you anymore.

probably didn't want to be sat at home with nothing to do listening to you moan about what a burden she is wanting to live a normal life.

hope your sister finds out if she can get tax credits for your child, too.

YABVU and tbh i feel sorry for your child

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