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AIBU?

Why are there so many children with bad mannars ?? Surely please and thank you aren't that hard to say ?

81 replies

mummyloveslucy · 13/10/2008 19:48

I probubly am but this is a real pet hate of mine, children with no manners.
It grates on me when you say to a child "hello, how are you" and they just say "fine" often in either a drowning or a blunt tone. When I was young I was taught to say "I'm fime thank you" or somthing similar but always with a thank you on the end. My daughter says it and she's 3 and has a speech disorder, so there's no excuse. A lot of children seem to have no concept of please and thank you anymore.
I know I shouldn't care what other children are like, but it makes me sad to think that my daughter will be starting school soon and I don't want her lovely manners to disapear just because it dosn't seem to be the norm amung children these days.
Do you agree, or am I about to be slated?.

OP posts:

Report

Puppster · 13/10/2008 19:52

I couldn't agree more. In fact I risked my oldest & best friendship to mention this - a 9 year old didn't say thank you for an entire treat weekend, ie clothes shopping, meal out, theatre. However I think she should have been prompted, so therefore not her fault, and she did write a thank you letter. Sorry slight rant, a bit of a sensitive point

kittywise · 13/10/2008 19:53

You sound like a snob

manners cost nothing but your post wasn't put well.

TheCrackFox · 13/10/2008 19:55

I have met far more adults with terrible manners. If children do have bad manners then it is down to learned behaviour.

FWIW I think OAPs have the worst manners.

wb · 13/10/2008 19:55

I agree children should be taught to say please and thank you. Having said that, Ds1 (2.11) will do this at home/ with people he knows but put him among strangers and his voice drops to a whisper and you'd be lucky to get a word out of him. I would not like him to be judged as ill-mannered on the basis of shyness.

So I guess I think you are being a little U unless you take this into account.

hecAteTheirBrains · 13/10/2008 19:55

Example. Children learn by example. Best way to teach a child good manners is to be good mannered yourself!

How many parents do not routinely say please and thank you to their children? Very many. You have to teach them, you have to talk that way to them so that it becomes part of the normal way of talking, so that it is natural and instinctive. Simply barking at them to say please, when you show them no courtesy, just won't cut it! It would be like trying to get them to talk by not talking to them, not letting them hear you speak!! Can't work, they need to absorb it in the same way they learn other parts of language - nobody teaches kids each word, do they? Yet they learn words and grammar...

That's my theory anyway!

nooOOOoonki · 13/10/2008 19:56

kittywise disagree, what are you saying? that you have to be posh to have manners

Puppster · 13/10/2008 19:56

Not trying to be inflamatory or anything, but what was snobbish about the OP kittywise, surely it's fair to want her DD to have good mammers?

Puppster · 13/10/2008 19:57

doh - manners!

mammers - lol

Tortington · 13/10/2008 19:58

all my eldest got on his reports was - he has lovely manners

the lack of anything else implied the unsaid - but thick as shit ....awww

happychappy · 13/10/2008 20:00

Try living in Italy the manners are disgusting, not jus the kids the adults to, It's shocking sometimes

kittywise · 13/10/2008 20:00

No, noo. I object to is this "my daughter will be starting school soon and I don't want her lovely manners to disapear just because it dosn't seem to be the norm amung children these days."

It comes across to me as if she doesn't want her dd spoiled by being amoungst all these nasty rough folk who have no manners. Perhaps she will catch fleas from them as well!

Puppster · 13/10/2008 20:00

I would be delighted if I got 'lovely manners' on my ds's report, however he's currently 6mo, so a little way to go yet

FiveGoMadInDorset · 13/10/2008 20:01

DD 2.9 is very good about Please and thank you says sorry and Asks whether we are 'orwight' and replies with fine thank you.

Agree that OAP's are pretty rude.

nooOOOoonki · 13/10/2008 20:02

kittywise - once again have to disagree, having grown up in Oxford, manners have nothing to do with being 'rough'

some of the rudest kids I have come across went to the private school across from us

Puppster · 13/10/2008 20:03

Kittywise - I can kind of see your point, but think you may be being slightly sensitive, I think the OP is making a broader point?

FiveGoMadInDorset · 13/10/2008 20:03

Agree with that one aswell.

mummyloveslucy · 13/10/2008 20:03

wb- No I definatly wouldn't bat an eyelid if a little toddler refused to talk to me. My daughter went through this too. It can be very intimidating to a very young child to speek to someone they don't know.
This is aimed at older children. It is true though that they have to learn it from their parents.

OP posts:

kittywise · 13/10/2008 20:04

No I know manners are not about class. it was just the way the op came over, that's all.

I'm tired and fractious!

Puppster · 13/10/2008 20:07

kw - I feel your tired and fractiousness, my dh currenting hiding in pub because I'v been been a touch sensitive recently

Puppster · 13/10/2008 20:07

kw - I feel your tired and fractiousness, my dh currenting hiding in pub because I'v been been a touch sensitive recently

kittywise · 13/10/2008 20:09

have a beer, I'm going to as soon as the kids are in bed!

jujumaman · 13/10/2008 20:10

nooonki (sorry, too tired to count all the os)
That wasn't OHS was it?

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Puppster · 13/10/2008 20:10

glass of wine in hand!

mummyloveslucy · 13/10/2008 20:11

I don't know about flees, but kittywise seems to have a bug up her arse about something.
I know children in private schools with awful manners and children on councel estates with lovely manners.

My Mum used to say "manners don't cost anything, but they mean everything".

OP posts:

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 13/10/2008 20:16

Well probably being pedantic but did read thread title and think 'er actualy ds1 can't say please or thank you' (he's 9 and can say mummy nothing else).

he did once get called rude by some OAPs when he was about 5 as he didn't reply when they said 'what's your name' (I wasn't sitting near them or I would have told them he couldn't talk). They muttered and grumbled to themselves along the lines of 'children today have no manners'

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