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To get annoyed with "SHE doesn't tidy up!" comments?

(28 Posts)
SinCity Mon 13-Oct-08 14:47:09

This is about 2 of my cousins, both male.

Basically one of them is married and they both (he and his wife) work full time. The other day a load of family members where dissing the pair of them (as they do!) because of the state of their house and someone said:

"yes well....she doesn't clean up because she reckons she's been at work all day! she's lazy!"

Erm hang on...what about my cousin??? or is he excused because he's male?

Its the same with the other male cousin who lived with his girlfriend:

"oh their house is a bloody tip, she won't do anything when she gets in from work, she's a lazy sod, reckons she's too tired!"

what about hus boyfriend??

AIBU?

HuwEdwards Mon 13-Oct-08 14:48:07

No you're not, I would tell them to fuck right off.

TheArmadillo Mon 13-Oct-08 14:48:28

YANBU.

It's up to both adults. Having a vagina doesn't make it your sole responsibility.

Tommy Mon 13-Oct-08 14:48:33

of course you're not but it takes some people a bit of time (like several millenia) to realise that whatever goes on in the home is the responsibility of all the adults who live there

soultaken Mon 13-Oct-08 14:48:34

and I bet it's women making the comments too. We really are our own worst ememies aren't we.

Do you not say anything when they come out with this rubbish?

wishingchair Mon 13-Oct-08 14:49:06

No YANBU.

And what's the tidiness of your cousins' houses got to do with the rest of the family? They might like it like that.

SinCity Mon 13-Oct-08 14:50:38

Yes I said "What about 'David'? can he not tidy up himself?" so they say "yes...but he's been at work all day!!" shock so I said "so has she!!" so they just sort of shake their heads and change the subject.

The conversation involved mostly females, yes sad

anyfucker Mon 13-Oct-08 14:57:46

bloody hell, is everyone obsessed with other peoples domestic arrangements today ? wink

Hodgins Mon 13-Oct-08 15:11:57

Yes, some people are obsessed with other peoples domestic arrangements!

I am a WOHM and recently a friend called me for a chat on a Sunday evening, I was ironing. She said - why are you ironing on a Sunday? I like to get mine all done in the week, otherwise it's not fair on the kids and DH!!!!!!!!

She is the kind of person who stirs up the great SAHM vs WOHM debate. She is horrified that my "chores" take place in "family time".

(It was Sunday at 8pm - my DCs were in bed!!!!)

Grrrrr at people being so flippin judgemental!

wessexgirl Mon 13-Oct-08 15:14:01

Hodgins, your friend is a loon. In what possible sense could your ironing arrangements ever be 'unfair' on your family (unless you did so much of it you never spent time with them)?

And YANBU to the OP. This makes me boil with rage angrygrin.

BouncingTurtleSkulls Mon 13-Oct-08 15:31:31

Hodgins - I'm a WOHM as well, your friend would love me - I don't do ironing, as Dh does it all grin
She'll probably thinks I'm a lazy slattern.

Actually that's not too far from the truth blushgrin

more Mon 13-Oct-08 15:48:18

I knew it people do blame me, and not dh, for our house being untidy smile.

mum2oneloudbaby Mon 13-Oct-08 15:56:23

There's an additional one to this in family's - all my dh's family (no not all just the females) expect me to remember his family's birthdays and organise cards and presents

he managed perfectly well before he met me why is it now my responsibility? hmm

anyfucker Mon 13-Oct-08 16:33:56

oh yes mum2

I hate this birthday card/Xmas/prezzie buying thing too!

I once had an almight row with MIL as she really took umbrage whan I dared to question why it should be my responsibility to do all the remembering! Just cos the women did all that stuff in her day, doesn't mean I am willing to do all her little boys trivial chores for him!

I hate having to be the one who does all the thinking.

DH is very helpful in many ways, but has to be told/reminded to do every single thing. Drives me nuts!

crokky Mon 13-Oct-08 16:38:26

Like MIL asking me about my DH "what do you feed him - are you making sure it has lots of vitamins in!!!!!!!!!"

[when we both worked FT and had no kids]

I said "he can feed himself!". I think that she thinks I abuse him because he cooks a meal once a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MrsSnape Mon 13-Oct-08 18:15:51

But surely the wives/girlfriends should have a hot meal waiting for when their men come home...and have all the housework done so said man can relax with his pipe and slippers? it's only fair really.

TheCrackFox Mon 13-Oct-08 18:21:17

In some womens heads it is still the 1950's. We do seem to be our worst enemies sometimes.

bonnibaby Mon 13-Oct-08 21:45:08

When my DS was born my MIL told me to "make sure i nurture" DP ,look after him to make sure he didnt feel left out ROFL

bonnibaby Mon 13-Oct-08 21:46:48

YADefinatelyNBU

NappiesLaGore Mon 13-Oct-08 21:49:25

i was raised a feminist.
theres no way id put up with any of that shit.
mind you, am a disgrace really as i pissed away educational opportunities and continue to do so (i could study if i had a mind to). so am a kept woman. tis shameful really.
still, at least i dont have to scrub any loos!

Ronaldinhio Mon 13-Oct-08 21:54:44

yabu because she probably wouldn't give a fuck about what they said
i wouldn't be bothered by that in the slightest
some people can only define themselves by the amount of time they spend rearranging dust in their houses

horses for courses

neighhhhh

StayFrostyShiversDownMySpine Mon 13-Oct-08 21:55:39

fgs!!!!! angry yanbu. These people should have the right to vote taken off them.

NappiesLaGore Mon 13-Oct-08 21:57:41

"some people can only define themselves by the amount of time they spend rearranging dust in their houses"
see, thats the sort of thing that stops me doing housework. i just cant like it. its SO fucking boring! if i had to do the housework, id move to a bedsit.

Ronaldinhio Mon 13-Oct-08 22:00:12

i'd rather move back home

NappiesLaGore Mon 13-Oct-08 22:03:21

back home?
i could move back to my dads i suppose...
but id have to do mmore in the way of housework there than i do here [lazy bitch]

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